-Welcome back to "Late Night." We're here with David Letterman.
And we showed a clip. -My goodness. The band.
That's so nice to hear live music.
It's so great to be this close to live music every night.
-I probably take it for granted.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-It's something that I truly missed
when I first left the old show.
This is lovely.
-It's great to have them back.
It's great to be in a room with them, absolutely.
-Because what I've learned --
And this probably doesn't happen in your case.
Even when the show that I did blew,
the audience would get great live music.
Free.
-Yeah, not a bad trade-off. -Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Now, Elevator Races.
The representational clip available.
-Yeah, the representational clip.
How about Bob Costas there? -Bob Costas.
There's a new YouTube channel that launched today
that basically has the full archives
of your time on the show.
And it is -- You can spend a lot of time on it.
I was watching world's largest vase.
-Oh, the world's largest vase. -Yeah.
-First of all, thank you for mentioning the YouTube thing.
You know, you get the YouTube app.
[ Laughter ]
And so you get to see things that were also
spreading misinformation about the vaccine.
[ Laughter ]
But the world's largest vase,
it was something we had on the show.
And I don't know the origin. I don't know where it came from.
But it was documented as the world's largest vase.
And it came to New York City.
And you're thinking, "Oh, that's cute."
A week -- an entire week, five shows, every night.
The world's largest vase.
On the Friday night, the last night of the show,
or Thursday night, whatever it was, we had --
the world's largest vase addressed the studio audience.
-Yeah.
-And called for a peaceful world.
-Yeah.
-And there was also a book that had been published.
It was children's letters to the world's largest vase.
[ Laughter ]
And for some reason, we all loved that.
And I think that -- It was tickling to think that,
"Yeah, you want to watch some TV?
Turn on NBC.
It's the world's largest vase.
Enjoy it, everybody!"
-Now, it's not always fun and games.
This is a photo of Jack Hanna.
Made many appearances on your show.
-Countless. -But this is a day
that did not go particularly well.
You want to tell us what's happening in that photo?
-You know, I had forgotten about this.
Jack, for those of you who may --
Anyway, I'll tell you, was a tremendous guy, a very nice guy.
And he was the director of the Columbus zoo
for years and years and years.
And like two or three times a year --
Do you have a guy that comes on with animals?
-We don't have an animal guy. -What?!
-Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
-Wait a minute! You don't have an animal guy?!
-I can tell you -- We don't have an animal guy.
-Wow! -Yeah.
-What are you doin' here?!
[ Laughter and applause ]
Well, anyway -- So, he would bring wild and exotic
and unregistered animals onto the show,
and they would be, you know, like 40-foot snakes,
and we'd have bald eagles and condors
and 1,000-year-old turtles
and all kinds of -- well, zoo animals, you know.
-Yeah. -And Jack would --
As it turned out, two or three shows in,
we realized Jack knew nothing about animals.
[ Laughter ]
But he had his little safari suit on.
And I was talking to Jack about a year ago,
and I had completely forgotten about this.
And this is Jack there.
And that's his head shot.
[ Laughter ]
And toward the end of the segment, the beaver --
They have long teeth. -Famously.
-Because they're constantly eating wood.
Famously. That's right.
Without that, they'd be nothing.
And the beaver punctured Jack
right between the index finger and the thumb.
And I'm told that that's a source of gushing blood.
Thank you, Jack.
Columbus Zoo, director of the Columbus Zoo.
Jack goes backstage, and he's hemorrhaging.
And he's got his hand right here.
And we were not far from a hospital down south of here.
And Jack said, "No, no, no, no."
Jack didn't want to -- He didn't want to call attention.
He was afraid he would embarrass the show.
I never had that fear.
[ Laughter ]
So I became inured to that.
Jack walks into the -- and nobody --
You couldn't give him a ride.
Jack walks into the emergency room,
and the woman, or the attendant,
whomever it was at the desk, picks up the emergency phone,
because Jack's now covered with blood in his abdomen.
"Gunshot victim! Gunshot victim! Gunshot victim!" Click.
Now everybody in the hospital comes running out toward Jack.
And they said, "Where were you shot?"
This and that.
And Jack said, "No, no, I wasn't shot.
I was bitten by a beaver."
[ Laughter ]
And now the police hear that --
Now, this is a real violation,
because the police come over and they say,
"You know, there are no beaver in New York, sir."
Because they think they got -- Who knows what they got?
And he said, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, the beaver is mine."
[ Laughter ]
And the police said, "You're not allowed --
It's illegal to have a beaver in New York City!"
-Sure. -Yeah.
So he goes from being bitten by the beaver,
mistaken as a gunshot victim,
to arguing with the police about what he is doing with a beaver.
And the whole time, the poor man
lost like a quart of blood over the deal.
That's why you need an animal guy.
[ Laughter ]
-That's quite a sales pitch. -Yeah.
-That's quite a sales pitch. -Get one of those guys.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Now, I should note,
people couldn't see it when we showed
that clip of your show.
You had no interest in watching it.
-Yeah, that's correct.
-It's safe to say you will not be visiting your YouTube page.
-No, not unless it's part of a rendition.
-Now, does your -- We also talked about your son.
You know, like, my kids will have the same thing
when they get a little older.
-I love the fact that you have three kids those ages.
I think that's just delightful.
And you folks probably have kids, eh?
-Yeah, I think there's probably some parents out there tonight.
-I mean, even when it gets edgy,
it's still the best, isn't it?
I mean, my goodness. Yeah, I'm sorry.
-No, I was just going to ask. Does your son, Harry --
does he enjoy watching old clips of his dad?
-[ Laughs ]
Yeah, I don't think he enjoys seeing me in person.
[ Laughter ]
I am so upset with Harry because I have been sitting on a story,
Seth, since the summer.
And I thought, if somebody is nice enough
to invite me on a talk show, I am ready to go.
And so I have been rehearsing it and going over it
and over it in my head, beat by beat.
And last night, I said to Harry, I said,
"I'm going to be on the 'Seth Meyers' show.
Is it okay if I tell this story?"
[Silly voice] "I'd really rather you didn't."
[Normal voice] Voices.
And I said, "No, no, I mean, I'm not going to say anything --
It's all about me. It's not going to --
"No, please don't tell that story."
So I honor that.
I'm not going to tell the story.
I'll just give you the highlights.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you.
Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
-No.
-Neither had I. Until this summer.
-Wow! -Yeah.
Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
-Yes. -Really?
-Yeah. -What was that?
-Well, my -- -Oh, is this in the lobby?
-Yeah, my kid was born in the lobby,
and then they still make you go to the hospital.
-Wow! Wow! -But it's the best --
I mean, the best way to ride in an ambulance
is with a baby who's already been born and is healthy.
You know, then it's just a joy ride.
[ Laughter ]
Yours was probably less so.
-Yeah, my whole story is less so, thanks to you.
[ Laughter ]
-Harry called me and said, "Tell yours."
[ Laughter ]
-That little weasel!
But over the Christmas holidays,
here's a story that he did -- -Oh, he signed off on one.
-Yeah, greenlight this one.
He's at that age where I just don't do anything
that makes sense to him.
And so I said, "Harry." We had a Christmas tree,
and there was no way to water it,
and I figured out, let's go to the hardware store
and get a length of plastic tube.
That way, you just pour the water in the plastic tube,
it goes into the Christmas tree.
Bang, zoom. I'm like Phil Swift.
And so I said, "Harry, tomorrow let's go to the hardware store."
"Uh, maybe."
Now, 18-year-olds, you know, "maybe" means "no."
So, the next day, "So, how do you feel
about that trip to the hardware...?"
"I got stuff to do." Again it means "no."
He has nothing to do.
Later in the day, before the hardware store closes --
and this is -- It was touching because you often wonder,
"Does my kid worry about my health?"
And this was a moment when I realized
he did worry about my health.
Because I said to him,
"Harry, I'm tired of asking you about this.
The hardware store closes in about a half an hour.
Will you go with me to the hardware store
to buy the hose so we can water the tree?"
"I really don't want to go,
but I know if I don't, your head will explode."
[ Laughter ]
So I realized, "Oh, he does care about me."
God bless Dad.
[ Applause ]
-Well, he's not alone.
We all care about you. -Aw. You're so kind.
-Thank you so much for being here.
-Oh, no, thank you.
-This is a really nice celebration.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Very nice of you.
-You know, I think --
I think you and I share something.
We're maybe not a lot for fanfare,
but this is a holiday of sorts.
So you take these
and you point it away from your face and you turn it.
You see the arrows? -Mm-hmm.
-And we're gonna turn it.
-This is not going to be another trip to the hospital?
-No, no, no. I already watched it.
This is our celebratory --
Just turn it and -- Oh, my God. It's harder than I thought.
We got to get Jenny out here.
[ Laughter ]
Oh. Here we go.
-That was dazzling. -Here it goes.
-Oh. Wait a minute.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-They really haven't done us any favors.
Well, hopefully by the 41st anniversary...
[ Cheers and applause ]
You're going the wrong -- You got to go with the arrows.
Are you going even with the arrows?
-I just can't do anything right.
[ Laughter ]
-Just -- -How long is the damn show?
-[ Laughter ] -There we go!
[ Cheers and applause ]
The first three seasons
of "My Next Guest Needs No Introduction"
are available to stream on Netflix.
We'll be right back with music from Adam Duritz.