is your wife disciplined how do you navigate a potential mismatch between
you two what about when family non discipline costs you unexpected time and
energy taking from your goals family non discipline but like my family's not
being disciplined yeah not on board or whatever not on board with the program
my wife is she runs a tight ship and is disciplined in a little bit of a
different way than me then she's not the same as me and if that were to cause
some kind of a conflict between us well then that's my fault for not
communicating with her and allowing her to understand my perspective and
understanding her perspective so for instance what what's the situation right
oh my wife wants me you know she wants to spend time with me in the morning
whatever right way to wake up early without before she's awake you work no
it's not her fault it's not her fault it's my fault well what about when oh I
really want to eat dinner with you at night okay cool I'll eat dinner with you
and I'll stay up later at night so that I can get my work done and that's fine
you go to bed that's not that's not that's not my response that snot your
responsibility that's my responsibility it's not your responsibility to mold
your life around my whole life right that's not that's that's not the way it
is and by the way when the family is doing something that is taking away what
does he say my energy taking away my energy and taking away my time then I
fix that problem and when I say that I fixed the problem I don't mean I fix
them do you I don't mean that I impose my discipline on them I might involve
some adjustments or some attempts to get adjustments but I'm not be this really
simple don't blame my family when things don't
go right mm-hmm I couldn't work out today cuz my kid was
sick my daughter spilled the milk and I was like hey this is the same this is
just about ownership like if you just want to blame your family when you're
weak or you make a mistake or you didn't organize or you didn't explain to people
correctly then that's the way it is I can say this to your family is not you
your family is not you they aren't on your program that's not their that's not
their deal hmm hey if they're on it great that's cool
my family's not all on my program that's not the way it works mmm you impose oh
that's fun the whistle where's that get you you oh you wanna you want to impose
your program on everyone in your family what are they going to do what it's the
same thing that happens with any team if you start imposing your strict
discipline on them cool you can get them to do what you want to do at that moment
guess what they do as soon as they get the opportunity to rebel against you
they rebel you get a mutiny you get a kid that's rebellious beyond the norm
that's doing thing that's actually gonna gonna really reject you so you gotta
don't blame your family fix the problem you know who you have control over you
you know if control you don't have control over your nine-year-old kid you
might think you do but you don't you got to make enough control over your wife to
just make her you know get in the game oh you wanted you want to stay on the
program you want to cook whatever 14 chicken breasts on a Sunday night so you
got to a day during the week honey make it happen no honey don't make that
happen if you are a good leader and you explain what your goals are and you get
her on board with the program mmm then yeah guess what she's doing on Sunday
night helping you cook some chicken breasts for the week
yeah but this is just like anything else man this is just like any other
leadership situation you want to blame the team when something's going wrong
that's not gonna get you a solution you need to take ownership of the problem
you need to get the problem solved and when I say get the problem solved
you're you this doesn't mean impose your will on the team that means you need to
lead the team and there's a big difference mm-hmm so get some yeah yeah
and by the way the better just like anything else just like Hackworth the
better relationship that you build with your wife and with your kids guess what
the more flexibility you have the more the leeway they give you mm-hmm
the worse relationship you build with your wife and kids the less flexible and
less leeway and the last chicken breast you're gonna have cook for you that's
two they're not in the game with you yeah so build a relationship I know that
might sound like like whoa well we're married so we have relationship build a
relationship make them understand where you're coming from make them understand
what the strategic goals are yeah make them understand just like in a
leadership situation make sure they understand how the strategic goals that
you're trying to achieve for yourself will then come all the way back down and
impact them in a positive way because by the way if you're doing things
strategically or to help you that are gonna screw over the rest of the team or
in this case family guess what you're not gonna get support for those goals
because they're not helping out the team if you're doing it for yourself and
yourself only that's problematic yeah so if you're hey I want to work out I
want to get you know I want to work out I want to change you Jitsu every day
okay well how do i benefit from that yeah honey oh yeah okay well let me tell
you how here's my plan in six years you know I'm a purple belt
right now it's six years I'm gonna get my black belt and when I get my black
belt we're gonna open a school and when I open a school guess what we're gonna
do all day we're gonna teach digits we're gonna hang out at our gym we're to
have a good time that's the strategic goal I need you in the game with me
right now that's totally different then our Troy
yep I'm a man yeah don't keep me yeah they don't keep me from this well yeah
in that too depending on who you are obviously but I would even say that's
even speaking from my own experience that's even over just saying it really
like let's say you take jiu-jitsu or working out or whatever yeah yeah yeah
you know like that you know to do that but I get I get the example for sure so
you say something much more simple okay easier way more babe just say hey
this this this part of my life even if it's new it's new I know our family's
chaotic you need my help with the kids and whatever be like but hey this this
sort of this means a lot to me and it makes me feel good makes me you know a
happy person or whatever it get Kim me and you can we make this work
you know can can we does what is hey you know how you like this other thing sure
yeah I want to support you doing that here's where I need support Yeah right
yeah this thing puts a smile on my face yeah you want me smiling around here you
that's what and people I'm sure someone's gonna bring up the fact that
there were times when I was in the games and I would come home from work at 7:30
at night I'd pick up my gym bag at drop off my my work bag and I just walk I'd
go uh hang on I'm gonna train and there was a few times where she did not want
me to go train tears in her eyes you gotta be kidding me
you've been gone all week you've been gone for two weeks you come home at 7:30
and you're gonna go train instead of heating dinner with us I was like yep
that the reason I bring that up because I know someone's gonna bring up that's
not good leadership that's not me being cool that's not me
building the relationship that's me moving in the other direction yeah so
that's not what I'm saying to do but if you come home hey look here's the deal
here's what's going on here's why I you know what I've got a little I come home
from work I got a lot of stuff in my brain I'm in a bad mood when I come home
and I don't want to be in a bad mood around you don't abide mood around the
kids I'm gonna go train for an hour when I come back I'm gonna have a smile on my
face watch what boom and and that's actually my wife eventually told me like
oh when you don't train you're not nice to be around not that I was
intentionally going or you get to Train no but you just have the
you don't you don't have that release yeah yeah it's that that is a real thing
for sure I mean it's manageable everyone's
different I think obviously but I would you can even say something even more
because that's a hard one to sell sometimes to some people to be like hey
I'll be happier you know then they'll be like well or
except for that I'll be happier Mane's will be happier yeah and you got it
you're right though you got a Bart you got a give and take right you gotta say
okay what do you what can I do for you exactly right that's that's what it is
be like hey this means a lot to me you know to end usually you know in a
relationship like that they care if something means something
your husband and wife or whatever like that's not nothing that's something you
know look if you if the if you're a husband and you say this reduced it
means a lot to me therefore you need to sacrifice your whole thing to
accommodate it you can do that but it's not nothing so you just as a leader you
can't have the team sacrifice everything is very evening yeah yeah you do a good
job on this mission I'm gonna get promoted you know or hey if we do a good
job with this product where I'm gonna make more money it's more from my bottom
line bility for our shareholders no one cares the frontline doesn't care about
profitability for the general does must they understand how it relates back to
them yeah so family doesn't care about you training jiu-jitsu unless they
realize how it's gonna come back to you so what you do is you tell they're like
hey just can't can we make this work and actually whatever however this gets in
the way of us you know like whatever like I want to just in general make that
up to you some way you know like what can you what can I do for you like I
said or what do you want to do something all right kid let's let's do this so we
can both kind of have something fun come with me if you want but hey I don't
don't don't just automatically expect your wife to loved you just do like yeah
love to do to unfortunately unfortunat goes for everyone even though most it's
possible very possible yeah yeah but I'm saying you know you it's like how you're
saying like make it make you gotta accommodate it you know so if you're
doing like a workout let's say and it's your thing right okay don't work out you
know and that's my thing whatever just say things that differ one cuz working
out is like you can kind of do that whenever yeah
but jitters like if you don't be so trained some people yeah yeah you know
so yeah man if in constant communication - by the way but you you know cuz after
a while it's like juice again like done the kids kind of need help with the
homework and I'm swamped with this other family stuff you know kind of thing but
if you're constantly communicating and then she'll tell you hey do you mind not
going on this day because of this and you're like okay me going this specific
day is that more important than the help that they need with the homework you
know and you can accurately kind of navigate your way through your new
situation you know but yeah you gotta keep talking on that one because some
people they think oh I can go do Jitsu now and I want to say nothing I'm just
rolling out under every circle you know it doesn't work like that sometimes
don't don't be like me and that's it don't be like taco you probably know my
wife is very understanding yeah so that's good yeah my wife probably would
have murdered me like rightfully so like killed me as a crime