You meet at a party
You're both young, probably late teens
You've both screwed other people
but it was all sort of, clumsy
You find excuses to hang out and pretend to be friends
She has a tiny birthmark on her neck that you notice but don't mention
You catch yourself thinking about her a little, then a lot, then all the time
You stop sleeping,
and eating,
and whatever music you're listening to at the time
will be so tied to her,
that in 20 years,
someone will play that song again and just for a second
you'll remember exactly how you feel now
And at some point, probably involving alcohol,
you're going to take your clothes off together,
and now you're really fucked
because she's under your skin
You had no idea,
you can care about another human this much
And nothing can ever ruin this
And anyone who tells you otherwise is an idiot
You're not even 20 yet,
but you just met the love of your life; how lucky is that?
You're probably neglecting time on your term papers,
not getting much sleep but that doesn't matter
You get to know her parents well,
and she gets to know yours too
and you've tried every sexual position under the sun
And sex is kinda comforting now,
rather than something you think about doing all the time
You've got big plans
And nothing can ever ruin this
She shows you new music you probably wouldn't have even given a shit about before
but somehow you quite like it now
You tell you about your shit and she pretends to care very convincingly
You move in together because,
why not?
You stay up late
You drink
You screw
You watch her sleeping in the morning sometimes
and suddenly all that bullshit love poetry they forced in you in school,
begins to make sense
You don't believe in fate or crap like that
but you begin to understand why some people do
On one day she looks at someone else,
and smiles
or laughs
and you feel this sort of weird sting in your brain
Welcome to jealously
It's quite natural
You don't mention it because you're not completely insane
She probably feels the same way about you,
and that's nice
You both get jobs
You get stressed
You get tired
You watch a lot of TV together
You don't screw so often now but what did you expect?
You talk about getting a dog
She mentions some guy at work
who's been sending her funny emails
and you decide to murder him
but quickly remember that's illegal
You start go running in the afternoons
and you notice this girl that's usually this out around the same time
She's kinda pretty but
whatever
You spend less time together in the evening
You've forgotten what butterflies feel like
You mention this to a guy you know who's been married for years
and he tells you that's what happens
You've can't be loved out forever
This scares you a little
but it's alright because everything will be fine
And nothing can ruin this
You're in your 20's now and some of your school friends
are becoming architects or doctors and you're...
not
You wanted to be a...
whatever
but you've haven't practiced it in years
You start practicing again
or planning to build a business
or get a masters
She seems thoroughly unimpressed by the idea
She starts making baby jokes or
talking about buying a house
You don't really want the house
or a baby yet
because you're not that thing you wanted to be
And you're already 25 and 30 seems like a
very big number that's getting scarily close
The sex is kinda routine now and you wonder if it's just a chore for her
You still hang out
and it's nice
but you begin to worry that something is missing
The two of you experiment with lingerie
and going for elaborate adventures
and that's fun for a while
You go running some more and you see that girl again in the woods
There's something sort of
otherworldly about her
She stops for breaths
so you do too
You say hello
She's smart
Kinda calls you on your bullshit
And you like that
Then you carry on running,
and push her out of your mind,
but now you remember what butterflies feel like
You come home
You cook the same dish you had the night before,
and the night before that
You talk about nothing much
She mentions that guy from work wants to meet you
And you reply that guy from work can suck a thousand dicks in hell
You sit in awkward silence for a while
and then you watch some more TV
And some more TV
And you live like this for another year
And that's fine
And nothing can ever ruin this
Ever
One of you screws someone else
or snaps for no reason
or mentions that you should take a break
or starts getting distant
or stops talking about the future
or whatever it is
Whether you were the one who broke it off or not,
you're never going to wake up with her again or take her clothes off
or have anther screaming drunken argument about the European Union
or if dogs can look up or not
You go to bed
and suddenly the place smells of her in a way you've never noticed before
Music is shit
and food is shit
and everyone is shit however nice they are to you
And you know you've made a terrible mistake
Nothing can ruin this
and now everything is fucking ruined
You drink a lot of whiskey
You can't seem to sleep for more than a few hours
Someone mentions that she's been hanging out a lot with whatever his name is
You imagine them screwing briefly then go doing something else
You play a lot of video games
and discover that yes you do actually still have friends
and they've been patiently waiting for you for fucking years now
They listen to your bullshit politely because they've been through breakups too
They offer some nice little platitudes,
plenty of more fish in the sea,
etc
But you don't really believe them because they weren't really in love like you're in love
No one has been in love like you're in love
You and her send each other passive-aggressive texts
about getting your guitar back or whatever
And you meet up to swap your stuff over
It feels good to see her because you're over it now
And she has no power over you whatsoever
And you'll be moving on soon enough
You screw
and literally a minute later realize what a dumb mistake that was
You carry on screwing for a while
You begin to think about getting back together
She makes a few bullshit digs at you
or you make some at her
And suddenly you stop thinking about getting it back together
You argue
You say horrible shit,
the kind of stuff you imagine you won't say to your worst enemies
You play some more video games
You drink some more whiskey
You listen to some more Elliot Smith
Things are going well with a girl you met on the train
But you can't stomach the thought with sleeping with someone else
You briefly get into healthy eating
and having walks
and the benefits of keeping porn to a maximum of
17 one hour sessions a day
You keep practicing at that thing you love
You get pretty good at that thing you love
You remember what being human actually feels like
Someone tells you about a
sudden death in their family
and you realize you have absolutely nothing to feel sad about
Not really
Over time, people volunteer their own breakup stories
and some are far,
far worse than yours
And again,
you realize you have absolutely nothing to feel sad about
Not really
And subtly,
so subtly you don't even notice
you become yourself again
And one day out of nowhere,
that girl you met running invites you out
And you notice this little birthmark on her shoulder
but you don't mention it
And you stop sleeping,
and eating,
and whatever music you're listening to at the moment will be so tied to her,
that in 20 years,
someone will play that song again
and just for a second,
you'll remember exactly how you feel now
Music starts to sound good again
Food starts to taste good again
God what was all that about before?
Why were you being such a pussy?
Before long,
the two of you are hanging out every other day
and you can't remember the last time you've felt so alive
Is this what you were meant to be doing all along?
Or maybe you're just repeating the same dumb pattern again
but god, it feels incredible
Maybe the whole thing is just some stupid gamble but you don't care
You didn't care last time
Because right now, you're sure of it
More sure than anything ever,
and anyone who tells you otherwise is an idiot
But nothing can ever ruin this
And nothing can ever ruin this