Thanks for being here.
My pleasure.
You looked fantastic.
Why, thank you.
Very nice to have you on the program.
It's great to be here.
You know what? You've been here before,
and I've met you a few times in other places,
and I'm struck, still, by how tall you are.
Yes, and how tall you are.
Thank you.
And my pleasant odor.
I wasn't going to mention that right away.
But, you're about six feet tall, is that?
Well, I wear heels.
As do I. They help me.
I'm about 5'11.
Right.
And you are?
About six, four.
You know, if I get the pompadour working, it's another,
it can be six, eight.
That's very nice, that's good.
Thank you. It's a little Howdy Doody.
Next time I come on I'll try to.
Yeah. You don't want to do that.
It doesn't work for me either.
But did you, did that happen for you quickly?
Cause a lot of women complain about being tall.
They don't, women don't like to be tall.
I was very tall. I was this tall when I was 11.
You're kidding.
No, I was, my daughter's 11 now,
and I'm looking at her thinking, God,
she would have had to be my height,
which is like twice as big as she is, but,
and I had a very, very short mother
who kept saying, oh, you're so lucky you're tall,
oh, you're so lucky.
Meanwhile, I've always looked like the mother, you know.
You were five 11 at the.
I was this tall when I was 11.
Can you imagine I was like
two heads taller than any other girl, let alone boy,
you know, no one would ever dance with me, poor me,
but you know, how about you?
Where you a quick grower?
Yeah, I was, well, I had the worst possible scenario,
which was, I was short,
like, through most of high school,
and then, literally over maybe like a three month period,
It was like, I was irradiated, like the Incredible Hulk.
There was gamma Ray testing nearby,
and I was like, what's happening to me,
and I grew and stretched out, and
it was a freak show.
It really was a freak show.
And then you beat up those bullies who were
kicking sand in your face.
Well when you're 6'4 and 140 pounds,
you're not beating up anybody.
They would hit me once and I'd be like, NO!
You know, fall over, I mean, I was
a structural engineer's nightmare. Yeah.
Well, when they saw me at school, in high school,
I arrived and they just looked at me and they said,
great basketball player,
which of course having watched the previous skit,
I was not at all.
I was always trying to leave the gym as quickly
and unobtrusively as possible.
They always made me the forward so that I would, you know,
my awkwardness would be in the front and center.
Right, because you need the coordination to go with it.
No one ever thinks that,
they think if you're just tall, like,
well, you're probably a great ballplayer.
I was like a spider, but you know,
I never actually reached the ball.
Yeah.
But do you think it's helped you
to go through a phase like that, in some way to?
Well, I think it's good to be the odd man out as it were.
I think it's good,
probably, for an actor
or any kind of entertainer to have been,
you know, really the geek.
I think it's helpful, actually.
I never said I was a geek.
I was thinking purely about myself.
Oh good, yes, of course.
Because I don't know what you were going through.
No, no, I was.
I was Joe Suave from a very early age.
I knew that, that's in your bio.
But, I'd like to learn
what it was like to be a freak, from you.
But I think it,
was helpful cause you often play,
you know, people who were odd and so.
Right. It gives you a vulnerability.
Well, I think so. I think maybe.
Now, there's talking this industry of ours,
that there might be a strike in the next two months or so,
and people are going to have to stop working,
Do you know what you would do if
there was a period where they said,
okay, you can't make movies right now, you've got to stop.
You know, you would do.
Well, I've been thinking about this, actually,
I've been trying to think of something
I could do, a legitimate line of work,
which of course I can't think of anything,
but I was thinking, my mother always said,
my short mother,
my mother always said that I should go to Vegas
because I was so tall.
I could be like a show girl, and wear lots of feathers and
you know, I could have, I was thinking that.
(audience cheering)
Well, I have an idea, actually.
You have an idea for something like this.
I have a small idea, because,
mostly I'm known for the alien movies,
so I thought I could start in Vegas,
if I were to get a theater,
I could have a sort of Siegfried & Roy set,
you know, the sort of, you know, moonscape,
and I could come out as Ripley with a small,
I don't know, rhinestone encrusted
flame thrower or something,
and I could have aliens,
you know, kind of jumping around,
and I could be, like, you know,
doing this and we could have suspense music, and then.
A bunch of aliens behind you going like this.
Yeah, Just sort of, you know.
Got our eye on you, and then,
as the evening progressed quickly, hopefully,
the music would change and they'd just become
like a dance act, you know, and pick me up,
and twirl me around,
I wouldn't actually have to do any dancing,
I'd just be carried from one alien to another, you know.
I wouldn't go see this show.
Yeah, well you may be the only one, but
this what I was thinking that I could maybe, you know,
could somehow, like, turn this into something.
Something good. Yeah. Something entertaining.
Something anyways.
A lot of people really do that.
If they, you know, they go and they try out
doing a stage act somewhere.
Maybe Atlantic city.
(Conan laughter)
Something else first.
Now I don't know if this is true,
I know that you're a dog lover, you're an animal lover,
and someone told me that you had a wedding
for your dog. Is that true, or is it just rumor?
No, I'm afraid I did.
I had a lovely,
a very nice wedding for our dog.
It was not covered by Dog Bride magazine,
but it should have been.
My dog, we wanted to breed our Greyhound.
[Conan] Right.
And my daughter, very sensibly said,
well, I think if she's going to have babies,
they should get married.
And we'd met a very nice Greyhound named Jimmy.
So we decided.
Was Jimmy just hanging around the neighborhood?
Actually, we met Jimmy at a pet charity,
and it was really like their eyes locked across the room.
I mean, this is a good looking greyhounds.
It's like, you know, the Brad Pitt of Italian greyhound.
Right. You approved of this greyhound?
Well, he took my breath away actually.
We'd been looking, for a long time, for Mr. Right,
and they did, they loved each other.
Even at the wedding, there was a lot going on.
There were other dogs dressed up, and
we had dog champagne and we had.
This didn't really happen.
It did!
It did, it really happened,
you had dog champagne and you had dressed up your dog?
We actually bought the dog a very expensive bridal gown,
because frankly she's not nearly as pretty, I think,
as the husband and we didn't want him to see
that right away. We wanted him to be dazzled by this day.
Always fool the guy. Yeah.
Anyway, so we did spend a little bit of money
on the bridle gown,
and it was a great day,
and my daughter, you know, did this,
she was the minister and, you know,
bark now or forever hold your peace,
and about three months later, she had three puppies,
very beautiful healthy puppies.
And three months is the correct amount of time,
there was no monkeying around before the wedding.
No, I'm not sure.
It took a while to get the idea of what this was all about.
She was not that enthusiastic, I have to say.
She sort of, I think she would have preferred to
go into a convent or something, then become a married dog.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, this is, it's more than I wanted to know, but,
but is this, are you the best, most conscientious dog owner
You know, then it sounds like you are?
Well, I, you know, for an apartment dweller, I'm not bad,
but I gave the two sisters of our,
we kept one puppy, and I gave the two sister puppies
to my agent who lives in Los Angeles,
and has places turn around,
And I, saw the dogs, the sister dogs,
actually a couple of weeks ago in there,
and they're just gorgeous, muscled, you know,
gleaming greyhounds.
Whereas our little greyhound that we kept is
kind of still a little, she's still sort of a runt,
And so I got the diet, they do different things,
they have a special diet for these dogs.
Turkey, and it's all sort of human quality food,
and they do other things too that help the dogs
stay healthy, which I haven't done.
Like what kind of thing?
Well, one of the things they told me about was, well,
I'm not sure this is true, but anyway,
apparently in California,
the groomer will actually come to where your dogs are,
and groom them and everything.
Then there's something they do with the anal Glens,
I'm not exactly sure what, to keep the dog healthy
and smelling very nice, but they didn't exactly show me.
And I don't really know where your anal glands are.
Are they inside, or outside, I don't know?
I love that they didn't show me.
I've heard about this anal Glenn procedure. I must see it.
(audience laughter)
Chop, chop.
(audience laughter)
I actually was quite interested,
but I don't think they've ever done it personally,
they leave that to the professionals.
Right.
In California,
there are professionals who do that kind of stuff.
Who just handle, they'd drive around in a truck.
They're the Gland specialist, I suppose.
Anal gland specialist, that's nice.
I'll never live there now.
Let's talk about Heartbreakers.
Oh, yes.
Tell us just a bit,
we have a clip here to show from the movie
and tell us a little bit about it,
so that we know what we're seeing.
Well, Jennifer Love Hewitt and I,
play a mother and daughter con artists who
find these rich guys and, you know,
through one disguise or another,
get them to fall in love with us, marry us,
and then we kind of take them for what they're worth,
and in this case, Gene Hackman who collects Russian art,
I am pretending to be a Russian woman named Olga,
and he is playing golf,
and he's always saying these very awful things
about getting children to smoke at the age of nine,
and my character is a non-smoker,
she's a vegetarian, she may be a con artist,
but she has ethics, you know?
[Conan] Right, right.
And so she just has had it at one point,
and this is her reaction to something.
Okay let's take a look at this clip from Heartbreakers.
(outside ambience)
Smoking is part of the fun of being a kid.
Yeah, we just did some tests on some nine year olds.
After a little puking, why,
you couldn't drag 'em away from the stuff.
Yeah, you're only young once.
Why not indulge 'em, I always say?
(golf club hit)
Oh.
Oh, darling, what matter?
Head pain back again?
No, no, it's all right.
(audience cheering)
That's a lot of fun.
It's a lot of fun, he's a great actor.
Yeah, and he's doing a comedy, which is fun to see him do.
You know, he's fantastic at comedy, you know.
I forgot, you know, you forget.
And I was watching this and I was thinking like,
oh, he's doing comedy,
and then I remembered he was in the Superman movies,
and he was hilarious.
I think he can do anything.
Yeah, the movie is Heartbreakers, it's in theaters now.
Sigourney Weaver thanks so much for being here.
It's a pleasure.
Great to have you here, good luck with the movie.
Sigourney Weaver everyone!