I want to say, I'm just so in love with everybody here at Awesomeness Fest and how open you've
been to come to my meditations where I ask you to be a little more vulnerable.
And one of the things that's so exciting to me here is talking about hacking our belief
systems.
And so today, I want to talk to you about hacking the belief system of sex and intimacy.
Because if we can hack our belief system around sex, we're going to get to the deepest places
of our taboos and start to actually unleash our power of being able to connect with each
other with more intimacy.
And so how can we maintain more amazing romantic relationships?
One of the ways that we can do that is doing a very special meditation that I call "KISS."
And I learned this meditation in India when I studied Tantra, and I've translated it for
modern people and modern lovers.
And I want you to know that it isn't just for romantic relationships.
This is also going to be for any relationship you have.
I talked to somebody outside who's having a struggle in a business relationship.
And I was saying again, we want to be able to connect and to have intimacy, and to not
only hack sex but hack our hearts open around the ability to connect.
And so I'm a tantric sex expert and people ask me, "How do you become a sex expert?"
And, you know, I laughed, "Well, I enjoy sex."
But really, I grew up with a lot of taboo around sexuality.
I grew up on a religious commune, wearing a bonnet, and there was a lot of suppression
around sexuality.
And then, I ended up being abused, and some of the other girls on this commune also.
And then, it was silenced.
And I feel like, if the whole world could have healthier attitudes around our sexuality,
then we wouldn't have a lot of that suffering that's not necessary.
And not just around trauma or abuse but just, day to day, being able to tap in and to connect
with each other in a real way.
So this video that you're watching of the KISS Meditation, it's K is for "kinetic energy."
A lot of meditation people are doing, you're doing it alone, or you're doing it and it's
just a mental exercise.
But we want to involve our bodies because your body is sensual.
And if we don't involve the body, a lot of emotions start to get trapped and stagnant
inside the body because you want to have the sensual connection.
And how many people are really just starving for deeper and real connections?
Right?
And a place like this, I see so many people who are open to do that.
So the first K in the KISS is for "kinetic."
The second is for "intimacy," developing real, raw, vulnerable, naked intimacy.
Yeah, right there.
Amen.
And then, S is for "sensuality," again, developing a meditation practice that involves your sensuality,
involving all your senses -- taste, touch, smell.
It's so important to remember that this body is a gift.
I think a lot of people start to think, you know, they want to get out of the body.
They want to, you know, have their mind control their body.
But your body, your spirit came here to live in this body.
One of those amazing things you'll ever do is get to touch another human being.
Or even sometimes when life is rough and you think, "It's so hard.
It's hard," and I think, "You know what?I would come back again for just a bite of peanut
butter."
Because the sensuality of being alive is so amazing to be a spirit alive in a body.
And then the other S in the KISS Meditation is "slowing down," so really learning to slow
down our sensual experience.
And when we can let go of this taboo around intimacy with ourselves and other people,
then we can slow it down.
I see a lot of people, you know, we have to drink to connect.
Because we have to let go of the inhibition that's been placed on us by these old belief
systems, whether that's religion or families, or just the fear of being intimate or close
to someone, and so if we can learn to drop that inhibition simply by making the choice
to and to live a life with more intimacy and connection.
And that's what I think is so exciting here, is we have so many people who are committed
to doing that.
So that's the KISS Meditation.
I want to ask for two volunteers, but I would like it to be a romantic connection.
It can either be a couple who's been together for a long time or somebody who just met here.
Do I have two?
Come on up.
Yes, yes.
[silence]
- So if you guys can come up here onstage?
And so they're going to demonstrate, and pay attention because you're going to be doing
this in a minute.
So the first part is, again, facing each other.
And so they're going to place...You're going to put your right hand on your partner's left
chest, so hand over the heart.
So just here, you start to make a biorhythm and a body connection, that kinetic connection
that's so important.
And then, the other hand...They've been doing this with me in the morning.
Your other hand goes over their hand, so you form this close circuit of a connected energy.
And go ahead and close your eyes first.
So the first thing, they're going to start breathing together.
So I want you to inhale and exhale through your nose only, taking a deep inhale and that
deep exhale.
And you can start to see, everybody just tune in how you can feel this energy start to build
up between them.
So inhaling together, take a deep inhale, and exhale releasing that.
Again, deep inhale, and deep exhale.
And one more time.
Deep inhale, and deep exhale.
And now, open your eyes, and just gaze at each other.
So this is an eye connection.
And again, we've all been taught to be so embarrassed of intimacy and connection.
And I think we hide ourselves so often that to simply open your eyes and be allowed to
look at another person deeply and drink them in, and to allow them to look at you, and
to be naked and vulnerable in being seen is such a healing thing.
So they're just going to keep gazing at each other for a moment.
And softening the gaze, so you want to take in the whole room as well as look into their
eyes.
And I've had people tell me when they do this meditation, you know, so many experiences
can happen.
Sometimes it's very erotic and it feels, you know, very sexual, the "hey, baby."
And sometimes they feel like your child, or you become the child.
But what you're also starting to do is hack the heart open here and release oxytocin,
which is the hormone of love and bonding, and creating a sense of safety in this connection.
So it's really, again, the kinetic meditation of releasing this oxytocin in the body and
in the heart, and starting to heal a lot of the patterns that we have around fear of vulnerability
and intimacy.
And so when you guys inhale, you inhale receiving energy from your partner, and when you exhale,
giving that energy back.
And just watching, you can see, energy is palpable.
You can see energy.
So inhale, receive from each other, and exhale giving back to each other.
And as you inhale and receive, feel your heart opening, being vulnerable, taking the risk
of being seen, and exhale giving that back.
It is really beautiful.
So I'm going to ask everybody in the audience, I want you to turn to somebody next to you,
and you're going to do the same meditation right now.
It's a really simple meditation, and I want to give this to you as a gift to take home.
So I want you to feel like empowered to do this meditation.
So I want you to stand up, face your partner.
[silence]
- So again, you're going to take your right hand and put it on their left chest over the
heart.
Take your other hand and place it over their hand.
And the first thing we're going to do is breathe together.
Now, I always ask you, try to communicate without talking.
Let's see if we can drop into a level of communication and connection without words.
Again, kinetic, sensual connection.
A lot of times, again, we're in our minds and we're talking when we could just feel
and be more sensual in these deeper connections, and really going to that soul level with somebody.
So now, I want you to start breathing together.
[Again] take a deep inhale, and deep exhale, listening to the sound of your partner's breath
and feeling their chest rise, their heart expand.
Inhale, breathing in.
Exhale, letting go.
Inhale, receive your energy from your partner.
And exhale, give energy back to your partner.
Inhale, receiving.
And exhale, giving back.
So I want you to keep breathing at the same time as your partner.
One of the advantages of meditation together like this is, when you meditate alone, the
mind may wander.
You try and remember to pay attention to your breath, but the mind wanders.
Here, your mind has a job to do -- pay attention to the other person.
And it helps you get out of that inner critic, stop being self-conscious and move to connection
consciousness, building up that empathy.
And so now, just open your eyes if they were closed.
If they're open, keep them open.
And I want you to just allow yourself this deeper, soulful connection through your eyes.
Your eyes are the window to your soul.
And feel in yourself if you have discomfort at first of being seen.
But when you break through that discomfort, the breakthrough is such a rush of that oxytocin,
of that feeling of love and bonding.
And this is what we're all so hungry and thirsty for in the world, is this deeper connection,
deeper intimacy, letting go of that inhibition and being fully naked in this moment together.