- All right. You want to see something really cool?
Watch this.
(neon sign buzzing)
(crowd shouting)
- [Customer] Oh, they got hot doughnuts!
They got hot doughnuts!
(crowd quiets)
- Oh, let me try, let me try.
(crowd bangs on door)
(crowd quiets)
- [Customer] I need it all over my chest!
(crowd quiets)
(crowd banging on door)
- [Customer] I'll bathe in the hot sticky glaze!
- I regret showing you this.
(employee laughs)
(crowd banging on door)
- [Customer] Doughnuts!
Every Krispy Kreme ever.
- This is not Dunking Donuts. Bye.
- Ooh! Seasonal doughnuts.
Do you have any Easter doughnuts left?
- No, we're all out. But we do have tax day doughnuts.
- What's a tax day doughnut?
Hm.
(doughnut squishes)
- Are - are these receipts?
- Yeah, they're all your receipts for the last fiscal year.
- Uh?
- You buy a lot of scented candles.
- I - I do. Did you go through my trash?
- Glazed.
(peppy music)
- Yeah, can I get a raspberry filled doughnut?
- Wearing that?
You sure?
- Absolutely.
Thank you.
(peppy music)
Don't need this.
(peppy music)
(music picks up)
Mm.
Ah.
(hot coffee sizzles) (customer screams)
- Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were the trash can.
- Maple bar!
- Hi. I know I'm a day late,
but do you have any Thanksgiving doughnuts left?
- No, we don't.
But, we do have a Black Friday doughnut.
- Okay, yeah, I'll try one of those.
(door bangs open) - [Customer 1] Sale!
- [Customer 2] That's my doughnut!
(crowd shouting)
- I guess I should have warned her.
(crowd fighting)
- Fresh.
- Excuse me.
How do you get these glazed donuts so shiny?
- Uh, they go through a machine.
- Oh, I hope I don't end up in that machine myself!
I hope I don't glaze myself! That would suck!
- Yeah. I mean, I hope you don't either.
(phone ringing)
(lock clicks)
(machine whirs)
- Could I get one of the...
- Oh! Oh, I hope I don't trip into this conveyor belt
that glazes doughnuts - (thumping noise)
Oh no, I did! I did the thing I'm scared of!
Now I'm getting glazed! Oh, now it's hitting me!
(rapid thumping)
I didn't know doughnuts get hit! Ooh, oh! Oh!
- Sorry. I'll just get one of the -
- Now it's pouring hot oil into my eyes, oh,
it feels so good!
(hot oil sizzling)
Now it's frying me! It's frying me like the little doughnut
I am! Oh! Ooh!
- Okay, I'm just -
- This is such a health code violation
but it feels so great!
(air hissing) (machine thumping)
(man screaming)
- Donut holes.
- All right, what's the seasonal donut for today?
- It's an Ash Wednesday donut.
- There's no way that's actually a thing.
(foreboding boom) Oh, look there.
Thanks.
- Oh.
Mm.
Very ash.
Ugh.
- It - hey, this isn't from a person, right?
- No.
- Yummy.
- All right. Uh, can I get the apple fritter?
- Uh-huh.
(foreboding boom) (high-pitched beeping)
- An apple fritter. Now, what are you doing
ordering something like that?
- Chris Hansen?
- Close. I'm Chris Handsome. now why don't you have a seat,
you sick freak?
- Look, guys, I wouldn't normally order an apple fritter.
I agree, that's disgusting.
- Then why do we have all these text messages
between you and your roommates saying
you're gonna order apple fritters?
- Oh, well you see, that's because I'm -
- Get down, pervert!
(baton thumping) (customer grunting)
- In all my years working,
I've never seen such a disgusting pervert.
- I've been working here for one day and I wish I was dead.
(fighting noises)
May I Kreme you?
(film crew laughing)
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Excuse me.
How do you get these glazed donuts so shiny?
(Shayne laughing)
- Okay, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
- Excuse me.
How do you get these glazed doughnuts so shiny?
- A machine.
(Shayne gasps)
- I hope I don't accidentally end up in that machine myself!
I hope I don't glaze myself!
(Olivia laughing)
- Do you have a bathroom key?
- Uh, yes.
- Okay, what's the key number?
- Ah, there's only one of them.
You must solve my riddles three.
- Nine.
- [Damien] Oh Jesus. All right, take it.
- All right.
- I lost a fish somewhere in my house.
I can't find it.
I don't want this.
- I'll eat it.
- Can you burn it to the IRS won't find me?
Thanks.
- You know, I ripped it though.
(cameraman laughs)
- That was set dressing, you silly baby.
- [Film Crew] Damien, can you (indistinct)
(Shayne laughs)
- You buy a lot of scented candles.
- I - I do. Is that a bad thing?
- It's a sad thing, actually. - Is it?
- Yeah.
- It's a bad thing to spend my life savings on candles?
- It's pathetic.
- I hope I don't glaze myself! That would suck!
(film crew laughing)
(Shayne laughing)
- Sorry.