>>> OKAY, SIR, I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO STAND OVER HERE WHILE
WE INVESTIGATE THE SITUATION. >> THE WAY YOU WERE DRIVING, YOU
ARE LUCKY WE STOPPED YOU WHEN WE DID.
DO YOU KNOW WHY WE PULLED YOU OVER?
>> I KNOW, OFFICER. I SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN TEXTING
AND DRIVING. >> THAT'S RIGHT.
WHILE DRIVING YOU'RE ONLY PERMITTED TO USE HANDS FREE
DEVICES. BUT WITH ME, YOU CAN USE YOUR
HANDS AND DEVICES. >> WHAT?
>> WHAT MY PARTNER IS TRYING TO SAY IS, YOU IS A SNACK.
AND TWO OF US CAN MAKE A MEAL. >> OH, RIGHT, AND I HAVEN'T
EATEN IN EIGHT MONTHS, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.
>> GET MY BEER. >> YOU BAD, YOU BAD.
♪ THIRSTY COPS ♪ ♪ THIRSTY COPS ♪
♪ THEY'LL FIGHT CRIME BUT IT'S A PERFECT FIND THEY'LL TAKE THEIR
TIME ♪ ♪ THEY'RE THIRSTY COPS ♪
>> OKAY, WE NEED TO ASK YOU A COUPLE QUESTIONS.
WHICH WAY YOU HEADED, SIR? >> I'M JUST GOING TO MEET SOME
FRIENDS. >> YEAH, BUT HOW YOU GETTING
THERE? YOU HEADED STRAIGHT?
>> OR IS YOUR JOURNEY MORE FLUID?
YOU KNOW, NOT AFRAID TO TAKE A COUPLE QUEER TURNS ALONG THE
WAY? >> I DON'T KNOW.
WE WERE JUST GOING TO MEET UP AT A SPORTS BAR.
>> OKAY, SPORTS. >> BUT THEN WE WERE THINKING
MAYBE KARAOKE. >> OKAY, VOCALS.
SO I'M STILL IN THE RUNNING. >> AM I OKAY HERE?
>> WE JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE SAFE.
>> YOU SEE, THIS NEIGHBORHOOD HAS A LOT OF DANGEROUS CURVES.
ALL RIGHT? >> UH-HUH.
>> YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE IT SLOW.
>> UH-HUH. >> AND UNLIKE BLACK ICE, BABY,
YOU WON'T SEE ME COMING. >> WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?
>> WELL, SEE I DON'T LIKE TO PUT LABELS ON THINGS SO SOON, BUT I
THINK WE'RE IN A POTENTIAL DUI TO DTF SITUATION.
>> OKAY, THAT ACTUALLY WAS GOOD, BUT CAN I GET SOME SPACE?
>> OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
STAND DOWN. OFFICER, STAND DOWN.
LET'S READ HIM HIS MIRANDA RIGHTS.
>> MY NAME IS MIRANDA, AND I DOES IT RIGHT.
>> YOU ALSO HAVE THE RIGHT TO AN ATTORNEY, AND IF YOU CANNOT
AFFORD ONE, THEN I DON'T WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
>> OKAY, THAT WAS VERY FUNNY, ACTUALLY.
THAT WAS A GOOD ONE. >> ALL RIGHT.
LICENSE, PLEASE. >> OKAY.
>> ALL RIGHTY. LOOK AT THIS.
OKAY, 6'1" BROWN EYES AND OOH, OH, HE'S AN ORGAN DONOR.
>> OOH, JUST DON'T JUST GIVE IT AWAY, BABY, MAKE ME WORK FOR IT.
>> OKAY, NOW HOW HOLD UP AND LOOK AT THIS ADDRESS.
THAT'S A NICE NEIGHBORHOOD. >> MM-HMM.
>> THEY GOT A STARBUCKS RESERVE OVER THERE.
>> OH, OKAY. DO YOU RENT OR OWN?
>> I ACTUALLY JUST BOUGHT A CONDO ABOUT A YEAR AGO.
>> OKAY, HE GOT ASSETS. >> OOH, THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.
EQUITY. EQUITY.
>> TO BE HONEST, WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE DOESN'T SEEM LEGAL.
IT SEEMS A LITTLE INHUMANE? >> WHICH HUMANE, THIS HUMANE OR
THAT HUMANE. >> WHAT SEEMS TO BE GOING ON
OVER HERE? >> THESE TWO ARE HOLDING ME.
>> I HAVE TO DETERMINE IF THERE'S PROBABLE CAUSE, BECAUSE
YOU PROBABLY CAUSED ME TO FLOOD MY SHE SHED.
>> YOU NASTY, GIRL. >> I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CALL
THIS IN, EXCUSE ME. CAR 51, SUBJECT IS RECKLESSLY
HOT. PUPPY DOG EYES.
HE WILL HURT ME, BUT YOU CAN'T BREAK WHAT'S ALREADY BROKEN.
OVER. >> ARE YOU GOING TO LET ME GO?
>> I WISH I COULD, I WISH I COULD.
>> NOW, IF YOU EXCUSE ME, I NEED TO MAKE SURE MY DASHCAM GOT ALL
OF THIS. >> YOU HAD YOUR FUN, AND TO BE
HONEST, I DIDN'T HATE EVERYTHING YOU SAID.
BUT I THINK IT'S TIME I GO. >> HE'S RIGHT, BUT BECAUSE YOU
WERE SWERVING, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE YOU A SOBRIETY
TEST. >> THAT'S RIGHT.
ARMS OUT, SIR. TOUCH YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR RIGHT
HAND. TOUCH YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR LEFT
HAND. >> NOW, LICK IT, AND MAKE IT
SIZZLE.
HAVE A GOOD NIGHT, SIR, AND PROMISE NOT TO TEXT AND DRIVE.
>> DON'T WORRY. I KNOW HOW TO HANDLE MYSELF ON
THE ROAD NOW. >> IF I'M YOUR PHONE AND YOU GET
A TEXT, WHAT DO YOU DO? >> PUT IT IN MY LAP FACE DOWN
AND SET IT TO VIBRATE UNTIL I GET HOME.
>> DON'T TEXT AND DRIVE, BABY.