Before you cut someone off,
I need you to do this one thing.
So, keep watching while I tell you what that is.
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Hey, what's up this is Stephan Labossiere
aka Stephan Speaks
your relationship and dating coach
and expert here to talk to you about life, relationships,
all kinds of things that is going to help
your life experience be better than what it is
and help you navigate
through this thing called love.
Now, today I want to
tell you what you need to do
before you cut someone off.
Now, let me say this, there's,
I've had this discussion,
I actually had this discussion with
Hafeez from the roommates podcast
where we talked about
are people cutting people off
too fast, all right.
There, I believe it was an article he read where
they explained that,
that's a problem with today's world.
That we're just moving on
that the minute we see something wrong,
we're just quick to,
to cut the individual off.
Now, I'm going to be honest with ya'll.
I'm the person who thinks
we don't cut people off quick enough.
I see too many individuals
dragging on unhealthy relationships,
dragging on situations that
you were never truly
invested in,
trying to make it work with someone you're not
really into, that you have no connection with,
rationalizing past the red flags.
So, for so many reasons
people have allowed themselves
to stay in a relationship
longer than they should.
And what happens is,
as time goes on, it becomes
harder to walk away from that relationship.
And then, people start sweeping
more under the rug
and the damage gets worse.
And at some point, inevitably,
the relationship completely
blows up in their face.
It fails, and we're back
to doing the cycle all over again.
Because
we don't heal from that experience,
we don't learn from that experience,
and we end up going about life
and dating and love
the wrong way, all right.
So, I do feel
we have to be quicker to move
when we see something's not right,
but and it's a big but
before you cut someone off,
you have to approach things properly.
So, what that one thing
is that you need to do
before you cut them off
is talk to them.
My goodness people,
I cannot tell you how many times
I have spoken to individuals
who cut someone off
never having
a real conversation about the issues,
never sitting down
and fully expressing themselves.
I have coached countless
couples, divorcees,
where the person they divorced,
didn't even know
all the real issues going on,
did not have a full understanding because
what people do is,
even when some of ya'll
and it may be you specifically
talk to that individual.
You're not expressing yourself effectively.
We have moments where we lash out,
where we argue,
maybe we send long drawn out text.
All these
what I consider very ineffective ways
of getting our message across
and we do it in a manner that
makes them feel attacked,
speaks down to them
and naturally
what people do when they feel attacked
is defend themselves.
Even when you know you're wrong,
if you feel attacked,
you're very likely to defend yourself.
So, coming off in that way,
is never going to set the stage
for that individual to be receptive
to what you're saying in that moment.
Which is why I'm a huge fan of
expressing yourself through a letter
versus verbal communication. Because verbally,
again, we're not always
in tune with how we're coming off.
That person can get very defensive,
they deflect, we get distracted.
There are a host of reasons why
the verbal conversations
of real issues and feelings,
doesn't go well, all right.
Unless until we've established
a very good solid way of
communicating with each other.
Until that point,
it may be best to do it via letter,
but I'll get into that a whole another time.
Right now, I just want you to focus on the fact that
if you're going to cut them off,
at least first talk about it.
And again, express yourself
in a more calm and loving manner.
When you do that,
you allow the person to be more receptive
to what you have to say.
And whether that's verbally
or through a letter,
your tone can still come across.
And so, you have to be mindful
of how you're
expressing yourself and letting things out.
It doesn't mean don't give the hardcore,
hard, cold hard truth.
But it means, be mindful of,
there's a difference between lashing out
and expressing how you feel, all right.
And being very honest and saying,
this is how you make me feel.
This is what I'm concerned about right now.
This is what I'm seeing
and I need to know, can this be corrected?
Now, some of you may say,
I've tried talking to them already,
but again,
did you do so in an effective manner?
Now, if you have,
if you've had an effective conversation,
if you fully express yourself,
if they are very clear
on what your concern and issue is
and they are unwilling to correct it
or it is not a correctable issue, all right.
Then by all means,
move along, cut them off,
no problem, all right.
But there are some situations
that can be corrected.
And there are some situations that
in that conversation
it will become even more clear
we are not best for each other.
So, now let's just let this go.
But before I wrap this video up,
I have to mention this, and real quick,
be sure to like the video,
subscribe to my channel,
and leave a comment below
on your thoughts on this.
But let me say this,
what I noticed and I
expressed to my colleagues before is that
I have noticed where,
when people are
very deeply into someone,
and I have to be honest with you, I've seen this
much more with women than with men.
When you're deeply into that man,
I always say the man she loves most
has the least room for error.
And so, I've seen
situations where
women are willing to go back
to the toxic unhealthy relationship
or to the man who's not really
best for them.
Whereas, when the man they're
truly in love with,
with the man that they're more into,
it is harder to deal
with the hurt and pain that comes from
whether it'd be a mistake
or their blatant actions
or whatever the case may be.
And so, I've seen situations
where the person
will run quicker from that situation,
but be more willing
to try to work it out
with the unhealthy relationship.
We've got to be very mindful
of what's going on in that moment.
And are we struggling to work this out
or express ourselves with this person
because of
their unwillingness to work with us?
Or because we're
scared to face certain issues
or we're scared to be vulnerable?
Really be honest with yourself about
why you aren't
expressing yourself with them?
Are you projecting a negative outcome
and not even giving them a chance
to show you how they're really feeling?
Because I can give you
so many stories of just
disconnects between men and women
as far as what we thought was going on,
what we thought you meant by this,
there's so much miscommunication.
So, we need to be more clear
and transparent with each other.
This is a
topic that can go on and on
forever about, but the bottom line is this,
before you cut someone off,
talk to them, express yourself effectively
see if the issue can be corrected.
Now, there's going to be some situations
where you talk to them,
they're willing to fix it, and guess what?
They're still not the one for you.
And that's fine.
And I can completely understand
if you, if you let go.
Not even just understand, I
would encourage you to let go.
But it would be best for you,
not just with that specific situation,
but to learn how to properly
resolve and address things
by always being willing to communicate
and express yourself and to even
see where we can go with this
issue and what can happen next.
So, I hope this was helpful to you again,
be sure to like the video,
subscribe to the channel,
and I will see you in the next video.
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