- [Interviewer] Cheating wives and crazy girlfriends.
- [Interviewee] I was looking at her Facebook on my PC
while she was at work.
And I noticed that she got a text
from the guy she cheated with,
which she replied to and then properly deleted the text.
So, not only did she not unfriend him on Facebook,
she is still texting with him and deleting every message.
We are seven years in a relationship, two years in marriage,
and we have a two-year-old daughter.
I confronted her as soon as she got home.
And she started attacking me for spying on her
and for not trusting her.
And she told me that she didn't unfriend him from Facebook
because she wanted to stay in good relations with the guy.
She never gave me an explanation
why she is still texting him and deleting the message.
So I got really mad and sent her back to her mother.
A day has passed,
I have calmed down and I'm unsure what to do next.
She texted me saying that she doesn't want a divorce.
Sorry for my bad English.
Update, and here I am not sleeping after third shift,
waiting for her to wake up and respond to his message
which is, everyone was looking at us.
I can't just drop my work and talk with you.
Stop showing up at my work center.
All three of us work at the same company,
just different shifts.
People are already talking about us.
Basically he's saying that rumors are going around
about the two of them
since I have been with the company for eight years
and everyone knows me and that she's my wife
and I really don't want to be caught up in all that stuff.
She deleted the message and blocked him on Facebook.
That happened just now.
- [Interviewer] What do you do next is file for divorce.
She gave up the right to have her wants matter
when she put her vagina on another guy's penis.
She is a cheater and a liar
and she would never be anything different.
If you stay, she would cheat again
and probably even with the same guy.
We have a saying here, once a cheater, always a cheater.
And this seems to be the case here.
She does not want to divorce,
but she will want to have fun elsewhere for any reason.
She is human and I do not want to judge,
but she is unlikely to stop cheating.
It is up to you if you want to find yourself a better woman
or just become a husband whose wife likes to play around.
Do you pay the bills in your family?
- [Interviewee] We both do
since we both have full-time jobs.
- [Interviewer] She cheated on you
and yells at you for not trusting her.
That's a huge red flag.
Yeah, she's heinous.
There's no reason for her to have any sort of contact
with the person she cheated on you with.
Give her an ultimatum,
she either stops all contact with the guy
and ends all of that social media BS
that she use to coordinate her backstabbing activities
and never engaged in those things again,
or you're going to file for divorce
and will file in the future
if she does anything remotely similar.
You're not the bad person here,
she agreed to marriage and loyalty.
It's on her if she won't keep her word.
If you didn't have a child together,
your only course of logical action
would be to kick her to the curb with a divorce ASAP.
- [Interviewee] The biggest problem
is that I don't wanna lose my daughter
to whom I am very attached to.
And the retarded justice system in my country
won't give me custody
unless I can prove that the child's mother is an alcoholic,
a junkie or literally Hitler himself.
- [Interviewer] Bro, can you co-parent?
An unhappy marriage is no way good for your kid.
And don't let her disrespect you like that
in front of your kid.
Divorce her and started healing.
Looks like your wife has no regret of cheating
and gaslighting you for your genuine concern.
I don't see how you can fix it when she doesn't want to.
Any way you look at it,
she wants to stay married and keep cheating.
If you know her affair partner,
and if he's married, inform his wife.
That's why I said, if you didn't have a child together,
you're only because of logical action
would be to kick her to the curb with the divorce ASAP.
I hope things turn out well for you.
Sorry dude, I didn't even waste time reading your posts
because based off the title alone,
what the hell are you doing?
You need to leave.
That is disrespectful as hell
and a terribly hurtful thing for her to do.
I would absolutely separate,
and don't fall for her tears.
Chicks love to play on the tears.
No one deserves that.
Cut your losses, dude.
That's absolutely messed up.
Get a divorce.
You're getting played big time.
Forgiving and staying with someone after cheating
is a tricky situation and very rarely ends well,
especially if you caught her cheating
versus an open confession.
I had forgiven a cheating ex one time in the past
and learned from the experience
and will never ever give it a second chance again.
Issue with forgiving a cheater and staying with her
is you're just reinforcing the idea
that she can get away with it.
So she took the risk in the first place
and dabbled with fire.
She gets caught, then you forgive her.
This just causes a cycle to repeat
because she knows she can actually get away with it now.
The fact that she is getting defensive
and actually accusatory to you
about her texting the person she had cheated with
means she almost guaranteed is cheating again.
Her accusing you as more of a defense mechanism
that teachers do a lot
when they know they're getting caught.
Obviously, she knows she shouldn't be texting him
in the first place,
hence why she is deleting the messages.
So, she is going on the offensive
as it is the only way to appeal less guilty,
which to be honest,
just makes her look even more guilty in the end.
Sorry man, I know it's tough when a kid's involved,
but there's no salvaging this relationship at this point.
- [Interviewee] The thing that baffles my mind
is that I didn't catch her cheating.
She told me herself,
and was so remorseful about it that I just can't believe
why she would continue texting him.
- [Interviewer] What was the situation of the cheating?
Was it a one-time hookup?
Did she know the person well?
Do you have any suspicions of something going on?
Just because she told you and confessed
doesn't mean she was going to stop.
She probably felt guilty
and was confessing for herself to feel less guilty.
Her confession sounds like
it was completely for selfish reasons
to get rid of the guilt,
as she clearly has no intentions
to stop talking to this person.
You forgiving her,
probably just reinforced the idea
that she could get away with it now
and feels less of the guilt she was feeling before.
Obviously she knows she shouldn't be texting this person,
so there's clearly something going on again,
and she is willing to take the risk again.
It doesn't sound like she is ever going to change.
- [Interviewee] She spent a night at his place
and said that they got naked,
but couldn't get him erect, which I know is a big ass lie.
Besides, if they got naked,
to me is the same as them having sex.
She told me one week after she slept at his place.
And the morning after,
they hooked up in a bar after she went out with her friends.
- [Interviewer] Whether the guy could get erect
is completely irrelevant.
Is cheating nonetheless, the intentions are all there.
As I don't know either of you
or the whole dynamic of your relationship,
I can't give perfect advice on this
because every situation is different.
But based on what you said here
is a very good chance she is cheating again,
or at least will be happening again here soon.
I don't see any chance
of salvaging the relationship at this point
as she is continuing to communicate
with this guy after everything.
You could try a couples therapy for the sake of your child,
but she would need to be fully committed as well,
and it currently it doesn't sound like she is.
Perfect example why the saying,
once a cheater always a cheater rings true.
You forgave her and lo and behold, she cheated again.
That's why it's never a good idea
to forgive a cheater and take them back.
There was no repercussions and consequences of her action,
and in her mind,
her action and bad behavior is okay and not bad.
So, she cheated again.
No surprise there,
that's why the only recourse for cheating
is breakup or divorce.
Nothing less, no forgiveness, no discussion
and no reconciliation.
And anything less than dumping a cheater
will only begin another round of cheating.
Not now maybe but in the future, for sure.
Get a lawyer, protect yourself,
and obviously don't listen to any of her begging,
promises and pledges.
She has proven herself to be a bad lying and lousy wife.
She gave her body and love to another man
who was not her husband.
She is no longer your wife.
You sacrifice yourself for her,
and yet the other man could get her
without any commitment, sacrifices, and for free.
Leave that dumpster ban in the street.
She doesn't belong in your house.
When this happens,
it is the cheater's responsibility to fix things,
show you her deleting him,
her telling him to never communicate with her again,
giving you access to her devices and accounts,
writing a timeline
and asking her questions about the affair.
You did nothing
to make her pay the consequences of her cheating.
I suggest talking to a lawyer to divorce her
if this is a relationship you have.
If you don't do anything,
she'll just leave when it's convenient for her
or only stay with you if she has no other options
and cheating when she gets the chance.