[Megan]
-Aah! Bitch! -Oh, yeah.
It's definitely some vampire shit going on up in here, sis.
[screams]
-[driver] Let go! -[screams]
-[flesh ripping] -[driver screaming]
[Archimedes, echoing]
P.I...
[theme music playing]
Megan Thee Stallion, P.I.
[woman screaming]
Over the past week, there has been a sharp decline
in the number of fuccboi-related activity
throughout the greater metropolitan area.
[blues music playing]
That said, reports of a so-called vigilante
have been greatly exaggerated.
An increase in police activity is attributed
to the lowering of crime in our city, and we will continue to...
Girl, you single-handedly cleared the town of fuccbois,
what the hell you so damn sad for?
Yeah, bitch, all of them except for Archimedes.
And plus, I've been real hungry.
Whatever that is, that ain't it, okay?
Who you talking about? The one at the crime scene, the tall, lanky one?
Yeah, it's...
Yeah, it's him, but, like, I remember meeting him
the night of the first murder...
But then we got back to the house, and the last thing I remember...
Bitch, he bit you.
See, I've been doing my research and everything, and Reddit says
that the only way to stop being a vampire is to kill the one that created you.
Shit, men!
Well, what do you see?
-Bitch, the club. -The club.
-[hip-hop music playing]
♪ Everything I talk, yeah, I really did that ♪
♪ If you want beef, Then my bitch gon' scratch ♪
♪ I'ma get the money So I let her handle that ♪
All right, girls, see y'all later.
Oh, my goodness, I had such a great night.
-This was lit though. -This was a lot of fun, yes.
Thank you so much for inviting me out tonight.
-Any time. -It was real nice.
-Any time. -Okay, so...
-have a good night. -You too.
-All right. -All right.
Drive safely.
[gasps]
[Megan] Hey, fuccboi!
[Archimedes] Care to join me?
I already ate.
Yeah, I've been watching you.
Really? 'Cause it feels like you've been ghosting me.
You're going through some major changes. I thought I'd give you some space.
Well, in the meantime, I took care of your little army.
And for that, I have gratitude.
You know fuccbois are bad for business.
-I knew you'd be good for this. -So you used me?
I mean, we both got what we wanted.
So, youse finna turn her too or is she just a little midnight snack?
You decide.
Excuse me?
She's yours.
She's mine?
You were meant for this.
That's why I made you.
You don't make me, motherfucker, I make me.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey.
Your eyes.
Let me see. Let me see.
Oh, shit, I'm back! It's me.
Who are you?
Megan Thee Stallion, P.I.
[laughs]
♪ Real ass nigga, give a fuck 'Bout a bitch ♪
♪ It is what it is, This some five star dick ♪
♪ She a big ol' freak It's a must that I hit ♪
♪ It's a hot girl summer So you know she got it lit ♪
-♪ Real-ass bitch ♪ -♪ Know she got it lit ♪
♪ Hot girl summer So you know she got it lit Yeah ♪
-♪ Real-ass bitch ♪ -♪ Know she got it lit ♪
♪ Hot girl summer So you know she got it lit Yeah ♪
♪ Handle me? Who gon' handle me? ♪
♪ Thinkin' he's a player He's a member on the team ♪
♪ He put in all that work He wanna be the MVP ♪
♪ I told him ain't no taming me I love my niggas equally ♪
♪ Fuckin' 9-to-5 niggas With that superstar D ♪
♪ Fucked a superstar, nigga Now I got him ballin' ♪
♪ I caught a jet To get that neck ♪
♪ I told him, "Call, don't send no text" ♪
♪ Don't you tell 'em you With me when they be askin' Where you at, ah ♪
♪ I can't read your mind Gotta say that shit ♪
♪ Should I take your love? Should I take that dick? ♪
♪ Got a whole lot of options 'Cause you know A bitch poppin' ♪
♪ I'm a hot girl so You know ain't shit stoppin' ♪
♪ Real ass nigga Give a fuck 'bout a bitch ♪
♪ It is what it is This some five star dick ♪
♪ She a big ol' freak It's a must that I hit ♪
♪ It's a hot girl summer So you know she got it lit ♪
-♪ Real ass bitch ♪ -♪ Know she got it lit ♪
♪ Hot girl summer So you know she got it lit Yeah ♪
-♪ Real-ass bitch ♪ -♪ Know she got it lit ♪
♪ Hot girl summer So you know she got it lit Yeah ♪
[Megan]