- I would like to begin the process of healing,
so I can finally stop hurting the people around me, dipshit.
- Life is precious, God is religious for merely the idea
of human connection.
Don't do drugs.
Say you're sorry.
(funky music)
- Remember reds?
Two VHS tapes, that's too many tapes, I said.
- Which means, this one you could actually get hired on.
(funky music)
- I don't know, I was just trying to come up
with one of those dumb rehab sayings.
- You're thinking like an assistant.
Any day now, you're gonna get promoted to agent.
(funky music)
- He says money money money, nom nom nom!
- I have heard him say that.
- Besides, they don't want this to be just another
superhero movie, they're looking for someone
who can make a superhero movie with a twist.
- So, what, they want me to pitch the twist?
- No, the twist is that it's a woman.
- Ah.
- But they do wanna hear your take,
by which I mean they want you as a woman--
- In my line of work, I meet a lot of big names.
I'm talking the sexiest guys in the '90s.
- Is that the car from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"?
Friends sucks.
- [Girl With Brown Hair] No, they're right,
I'm the mess and no one cares!
- But what time is it right now?
Suddenly, everyone else wanted to meet me.
- But they're a big deal, the chips.
- Master doesn't accept indie credit in lieu of
my daughter's tuition.
- Hey want some?
- Oh yeah, bartender, one more!
Remember the name of that assistant from like 20 years ago
who I screamed at for bringing me a room temp Caprisun
and told to quit the business?
What ever happened to that guy?
- [Woman On Phone] Jared, I think he quit the business.
- I'm a Chavez, right?
- We're about to go have some Chamomile tea,
and do a little guided meditation.
Why don't you join us?
- Well I guess a quick break couldn't hurt.
- I really thought me and Fuzzy were built to last,
like Brad and Angelina, or Gwen and that Coldplay man,
or America and it's current love affair with Rebel Wilson.
- Pickle's other friend Elana,
didn't think I'd see you here.
- Hey Pickle Pack, getting ready for another job interview.
I think I'm just gonna lie about having experience.
- [Announcer] And there goes Waa-Waa, the baby human,
stumbling around like the furless, featherless dolt he is.
What's he got there, don't drink that
poison you crazy human.
- We don't drink poison.
- Wow, look at you go.
- Ah, you can't look at it yet!
- Okay, okay.
- Sorry, I was just kinda in it, you know?
- I got fired my first day as an air traffic controller,
but then I got a job as waitress!
So, I've been seeing someone.
He's a yellow lab, and he's so handsome and friendly.
(burps)
- Oh no, sorry for the misunderstanding.
This is not a fetish-based cuckolding scenario.
- He had sex with his ex, so to level the playing field now,
we have to boink, so Mr. and I can be truly even,
and everything can go back to normal.
- Second straight year this Michigan resort's food
has tested positive for Avian Botulism.
Wow, two years in a row, it's like the Tom Hanks
of poisoning people.
They said the jewelry is safe for humans now,
but I've been wearing this for a week, and ooh.
You have been such a good thing for me.
(funky music)