- When we're with somebody that we really like,
there's that innate desire
that we want them to feel special, right?
We want them to feel how we feel about them,
that they're special to us.
And here's what's amazing.
When you help somebody feel special around you,
then you become even more special to them.
So how do you do that?
How do you help someone feel special in your presence?
Today, I'm gonna give you three really powerful ideas
that can help your man feel special around you.
The first and probably biggest way
that you can help him feel special,
and this is early on in the dating process,
is to be selective.
Listen to me.
One of a man's biggest fears
is to simply be selected or chosen,
because he is the next batter up.
"Batter up," he comes in.
You're like, "Okay, you're in."
And he's like, "Wait, wait, did you even,
am I just next in this line?"
He wants to feel special.
I know it might seem not obvious to many people,
but men want to be chosen too.
We want to be chosen for who we are.
We want to be chosen for what we bring to the table.
We want to be chosen for the uniqueness that we are.
So how do you do that?
Well, it all starts with being selective.
And one way that you can be selective
early on in the dating process,
is with the language that you use.
Here's an easy thing that you can say on date number one,
when you're with a guy.
You can say, "You know, I am looking for something special.
I'm looking for a committed relationship,
but it takes a really special guy to win my heart."
Boom, that's amazing,
because you're sharing what you want,
but you're also sharing your standard
that you're not just gonna settle for the next guy up.
Another variation of this is you can say,
"You know, ultimately I want a committed relationship,
but I like to take things really slow,
to make sure that it's the right guy for me."
And so that's great,
because it shows you're being selective.
You're not just latching on.
So many people when they're dating,
the experience is an intimate relationship.
You know, he's finally the one normal guy you're dating,
and so you're just gonna select him,
because he's just not crazy or not weird,
or he is just kind of the minimum viable standard guy.
No guy wants to be that.
This is why often sleeping on the first date backfires.
There's nothing wrong with that,
if you would love to sleep on the first date.
But what it doesn't do is create an opportunity
for him to feel special or selected,
because he's thinking,
"Well, you probably sleep with everybody on the first date.
How special could I really be?
How much could you really get to know me
in the last four hours before sleeping together?
Nah, not a whole lot better
than probably a lot of other guys."
So it doesn't give the opportunity
to capture that special feeling.
But when you take things slower,
when you demonstrate that you're selective,
when you do finally select him, he feels special.
The second way that you can help him feel special
is to give him goals to achieve,
or like little challenges to do,
and then celebrate him when he achieves that goal.
Because every man's greatest fear
in relationships is inadequacy.
When a man feels like he's not worthy,
he's not gonna measure up, he's not enough,
he's not able to provide what it is that you want.
If he can't provide what you want,
then he doesn't measure up,
then he doesn't feel like he's enough,
and it's a downward, negative-feeling spiral.
But the same spiral is available
in an upward form when he does feel like he measures up
and that he's enough.
So what indicates, what signal is he looking for
to let him know that he's enough,
that he's measuring up?
Well, it's your joy factor,
your happiness factor.
In any relationship, if his woman,
when I interviewed America's greatest marriages,
a lot of the men would say,
"Look, if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy,"
(laughs) because their goal
was to make their wife happy, right?
So many men, our goal is that our wife is happy.
Now, we can't control happiness,
but we can contribute to it.
You can't control whether he feels special,
but you can contribute to it.
And here's how.
Give him these little goals, and then celebrate him.
Where you can say something is,
"Hey honey, you know, I would really love it
if you would pick up food and bring it home tonight,"
or, "it would mean a lot to me
if you would plan a hike this weekend
for us to go on,"
or, "it would really mean a lot to me,
I would absolutely love it,
if you would spend time with me and my family
at our family barbecue this weekend."
And then when he does that, and here's the key,
you give him this little challenge,
plan a hike on the weekend.
And he's like, "Hmm, okay."
And you'll see him go to work.
You'll see him like, "I could do that."
You know, he gets all revved up,
and he goes (mouth trills), and looks for a cool hike.
And then when you're on the hike,
and you get to the top of the hike,
throw your arms around him, give him a big hug and say,
"Babe, this was brilliant.
Brilliant choice, brilliant idea.
You are a rockstar."
Now, you might feel
like you're amplifying the celebration,
but that's okay, that's beautiful.
Instead of criticizing your man, hero-size your man,
help him feel amazing.
And he'll be like, "Yeah, thank you."
He will love it.
And what you'll find is, he will be leaning in,
looking for opportunities to serve you in that relationship.
If, when you ask for something that you would love,
that when he delivers it,
you celebrate and acknowledge the great work,
the great job that he's done for you,
it's gonna create this beautiful feeling
of how special this relationship is in his life.
And the third move that you can make
to help him feel special,
and this is so powerful,
is to join him in his world.
And what this means is, your man has hobbies,
your man has passions,
your man has love, right?
So it might be that he loves sports
and he has his favorite sporting team,
or it might be that he loves a particular video game,
he loves gaming in this particular way.
Or it might be that he loves a certain band,
he loves this kind of music.
And even if you don't know
about that particular sporting event,
or you don't know about that game,
or you don't know about that band,
if you take time to learn,
you take time to say, "Hey, I wanna learn about this,"
and you actually become familiar with what he loves,
and then you join him in that world,
you are gonna blow his mind.
I had this experience where I'm off doing a work trip.
I'm doing this big event in Dallas, Texas,
and my wife calls me on the phone, and it's Saturday.
And she's like, "Hey, how's it going?"
I'm like, "Hey, it's going great."
And she's like, "Are you watching the Steeler game?"
And I'm like, 'cause I'm a big Pittsburgh Steelers fan,
and I was like, and the truth be told,
I didn't even know the game was on
because I was doing work stuff.
And I was like, "No, the game's already on?"
And so I flipped on the TV.
I'm like, "Wait a minute,
how do you know the game is on?"
She's like, "I'm watching the game,
'cause I thought you would be watching the game."
And I was like, "What?"
And she sent me a picture,
and she was in her little, cute little Steelers shirt,
looking all sexy.
And I'm like, it blew my mind.
I was like, "Holy moly, here it is.
My woman doesn't like football that much,
and is learning about the game
because she knows I love it,
because she knows it matters to me."
And when she makes something matter to her
that matters to me, she becomes special to me,
'cause I know she's joining me in my world.
So look for ways that you can join your man in his world,
and that will absolutely create
a special moment between the two of you.
So every one of these ideas
are gonna help your man feel special
in the relationship.
And what I would love to hear is from you,
what have you found really works
to helping your man feel special?
Go ahead and post those ideas in the Comment section below.
I appreciate you.
Here's to your amazing love life.
Thanks for watching,
and I'll see you soon.
(light whimsical music)
(light whimsical music fades)