- Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?
Yes and no.
In this video, I'm gonna be talking about how to make
long distance relationships work, keep watching.
(upbeat music)
Hey there, Adam LoDolce from sexyconfidence.com
where I help the 21st century woman
create a love life that she absolutely freaking loves
and in this video, I'm gonna be talking about
how to make long distance relationships actually work,
and also if you end up enjoying this video,
I definitely recommend you take,
you grab the free report that I have at lovetexting.com
because it's gonna allow you to be able to send
some texts tonight that'll help you
with your long distance relationship,
so make sure you go over there if you enjoy the video.
Now a new study that just came out
actually suggests that yes,
couples in long distance relationships
have more meaningful interactions
than those who just see each other
on a daily basis, and this leads
to higher levels of intimacy.
Who would've thought?
Basically the study implies that
in order to keep the romance alive
because there is so much distance between the two of them
that there will be more frequent communications
and those communications will actually discuss
much more deeper issues, like
what is it they want in the future,
how they see love and the importance of trust
in relationships and future plans
and things like that, just because they live
far away from each other.
Now this study's actually been really eye opening
for me because I've always been kind of negative
when it comes to long distance relationships
and I gotta say that this study
actually opened my eyes a little bit
when it comes to long distance relationships
and some of the benefits that they really do have.
But don't let this fool you.
Just because there may be a heightened sense
of intimacy in the relationship
because you are discussing those kind of
more intimate and deep topics,
there are also some major downfalls
when it comes to long distance relationships,
and I think most notably, the most important downfall
is that you seem to kind of idolize your partner.
And you don't really acknowledge that they're human.
You only see their most positive traits
because you're not seeing them every single day.
And I think that as long distance relationships
increase due to technology and,
really people are traveling much more
and we're more connected than we've ever been before,
I think it's really important,
regardless if you are in a long distance relationship
right now or you're not, it's important to learn
how to actually make these work.
And it might even just help you
in the future, even if you're single right now.
So make sure you keep watching this whole video.
So tip number one is that it's so important
to have some sort of plan on how you will be
at least living with each other in the future
or at least living close to each other in the future.
I can't tell you how many women
who are in my Sexy Confidence Club program,
they will be in these relationships
that are absolutely doomed to fail.
For example, if he's stationed in Japan
and plans to be in the military
for the next 20 years, and you have your tenure
as a professor at Middlebury College,
then there is absolutely no way
that you are going to be together in the future, right?
He lives so far away, and you don't plan on leaving
the college that you are teaching at,
so why even engage in the relationship?
I'm sorry, but you may feel something
really strongly for this person,
but unless there's some type of path
to being together in the future,
it is really not worth investing your emotional energy
into this person.
And I know that that's an extreme scenario,
but I can't tell you how many people I talk to
who have these scenarios where they are in love
with someone or have this relationship with someone
but they're so far away from one another
and there's no way that they're ever going to be together
or in any type of proximity in the future.
So if that happens to you
or if you're in a situation like that right now,
be real about what's actually going on.
Be real about the logistics of your relationship.
'Cause if you continue to lie to yourself and think,
oh, we'll just address that later,
we'll just think about that later,
you're going to waste so many precious years of your life
hoping that something's going to change
when it's just not.
Number two is if you are in a long distance relationship,
focus on quality time spent together, not quantity time.
Now I think most people really get this wrong
when it comes to long distance relationships
because they think that, and both men and women
are very guilty of this, they think that constant contact
is the best way to maintain the relationship.
So you finish lunch that day, of course you text your guy.
You get home from work, you text your guy.
You get home that night, you FaceTime for four hours.
Most people think that just by having a lot
of quantity of time is the best way
to maintain the relationship.
But I don't believe that relationships
are formed through constant texting
or even formed through constant FaceTiming
or anything like that.
I believe that it's all about the quality
of those interactions that really matter.
And I think it's more important
to send a few strategic texts throughout the day
that really make his day, rather than
sending 25 texts throughout the day
that just kind of bugging him as time is going on.
And I'm sure you'd feel the same way from him.
So I would personally recommend that
it's better to kind of wait throughout the day,
let the tension build up,
and have that time at the end of the night,
maybe before going to bed,
where you can really have that quality time
where it's just you and him talking,
and then, like I said, feel free,
if you send a few strategic texts throughout the day,
that'll really kind of make his day.
But don't overdo it, don't over-communicate.
Number three is to set clear expectations
about what's appropriate in the relationship
and what's not appropriate in the relationship.
Now this is a little bit embarrassing,
but I thought it's really important
to share this story with you.
I'll never forget it when Jess and I first started dating.
We actually lived about an hour drive from one another.
We met in Boston and I live in Boston,
but she actually lived an hour or so away.
Now I think this happened within the first
two or three months of us actually being exclusive
to one another.
I remember I went out with a bunch of single guys
for just a wild night out.
I don't know what got into us,
we were just really amped up,
we were really excited, we just had one of those nights,
and we ended up all having just a little bit
too much to drink, and I just came home,
passed out, and I never called her before bed.
Now, for me, having been single
for basically two years of my life
leading up to this relationship,
this was a perfectly natural and normal part of my life.
But of course, looking back on it
and putting myself in Jessica's shoes,
this was clearly not cool to do.
Needless to say, the next day,
we had a very important conversation.
And she used some wording that was really, really effective
that kind of stuck with me and I wanna share with you today.
She didn't yell at me, or she didn't accuse me
of anything, or she didn't get irrational
in the conversation, she just simply told me that,
look, now that you're in a relationship, Adam,
it's just not appropriate for you to go out
with your single buddies for six hours
and then just pass out and not call me
at the end of the night.
Now of course, I can go out with my friends,
hang out with whoever I want,
but don't get too crazy, and at the end of the night,
just make sure I give her a call before bed.
And I think that word of just appropriate,
what's normal, was such an important eye-opener for me.
Jeez, I should know this stuff, right?
I'm a dating and relationship coach,
but the way that she worded it, I thought,
was really, really important and really effective.
Maybe it's something you can use
in your future relationships
or in your relationship right now.
Because setting expectations of what is appropriate,
what's not appropriate is really going to save you
a lot of headaches in the future.
Number four, I think this is so important
when it comes to long distance relationships,
is that when you visit each other,
try not to just pack it full
of a lot of activities and doing stuff.
Learn how to just be with each other,
and almost have a boring day with one another.
I've seen this time and time again
with a lot of long distance relationships is that
people will go from not seeing each other
for a couple weeks or even a month,
then they have this weekend together that's amazing,
they have all these activities,
things are going on, it's so much fun,
it's so exciting, it's so passionate,
and then, what happens is, once they actually move in
with each other or spend more time with each other,
life naturally just gets boring
and then they think that there's something wrong.
But the reality is, I hate to say it.
Relationships kind of get boring sometimes,
especially if your day to day life
can be sometimes boring.
And that's perfectly okay.
What you don't wanna do is have this expectation
that your relationship is going to be the same
as it was on these crazy weekend getaways
that you get to spend when you're finally together
while it was long distance relationship.
So allow some of those weekends you spend together
to just be a little bit boring, it's okay.
And finally, number five is please,
surprise him every once in a while.
This could be maybe leaving a note
under the pillow after you leave.
Maybe, so for the next night,
when he goes to bed, he gets the note.
Or send him actual mail, literally mail.
Put it in the mail, send him a letter.
Or even sending him some texts that he just wouldn't
normally expect from you.
These are all ways to really keep that
long distance relationship working.
And that's why I created lovetexting.com.
It's an amazing place where you can be able
to download three texts you can send him tonight.
I also created an Ebook that you can go download
to get 100 plus texts that you can send guys,
whether, of course, you're single right now,
or you're in a long distance relationship.
These texts will really help you kind of spark
that romance back in the relationship.
So I'd love to hear from you.
What has been your experience with long distance
relationships and have they worked out for you?
Leave a comment right there below.
And also if you enjoyed this video,
please don't forget to subscribe on YouTube
and also make sure you give it that like.
I would really appreciate it, it helps me out a lot,
and finally, if you enjoyed all of this,
don't forget to head on over to sexyconfidence.com.
We have a ton of amazing resources
that'll help you through every single stage
of dating, relationships, and finding love.
Thank you so much for watching,
and I'll speak to you, you sexy single lady,
next Sunday, bye bye.