- I stalked two people on the best of the guru,
because it was for God.
It was for the higher purpose.
(gentle music)
- [Narrator] Some topics are hard to approach,
either the subjects are inaccessible,
or people are uncomfortable discussing them.
So we found those subjects in person,
rented us based in LA and invited strangers to come
and ask them anything.
- My name is Chris.
I was a member of the Buddhafield cult for 16 years,
and I'm here to answer some questions about my experience.
- Hi, my name is Emmy.
- Hey, Emmy, Chris.
- Nice to meet you.
- How did you end up in that cult?
- You know, I had just moved out of my parents' house.
I was 19 and a young adult who was concerned about
where I was gonna go with my future, my relationships,
I was incredibly insecure.
- Yeah.
- And they seemed like they had the answers
for those problems, so that's where it started.
- So when did you realize you weren't part of the cult?
- Pretty early on, but it didn't matter to me,
because I was getting a lot of my social needs fulfilled.
- What was the best or worst part of being in said cult?
- Well, the best part was the community,
did all sorts of things together.
Had group meditations.
We did ecstatic singing and dancing.
We had dinners together every Wednesday night.
We'd go to the movies together.
Anything we could make as an excuse to spend time together,
we would.
It didn't get really toxic
until I had been there a little over two and a half years.
That was when everything turned
into a lot of abuse and ugliness.
- Yeah.
- Did you ever feel like you were brainwashed?
- Well, brainwashing is what we call thought reform,
and almost everybody is brainwashed
to some degree or another.
It happens like little step by little step.
And then before you know it,
you're embracing this ideology of,
"Well, it's for God, so it's okay."
"I can steal, I can lie, I can cheat."
I stalked people.
I stalked two people on the best of the guru
because it was for God.
It was for the higher purpose.
- What was the weirdest part or practice of the cult?
- Oh, wow, man. (chuckles)
That's a lot of stuff.
Ideologically, the weirdest thing was that
homosexuality was the pinnacle of human enlightenment.
If you were a gay man, and specifically a gay man,
it was a very misogynistic.
Then that was the most enlightened way to be.
- Did some things happen because of that?
Like, some practices happen because of that?
- Oh, absolutely. - Were you kinda forced
into more things like that?
- Yeah, absolutely.
That was the basis for the leader who was a,
essentially, a sexual predator.
- Yeah.
- Seducing men into his kind of harem of guys
that he had going on.
But you know, my sexual identity up to that time
had been heterosexual.
So, engaging in a sexual relationship with a man
who was part guru, part mentor,
it took me a long time, even after the group to wrap my head
around how I got into that situation.
- Hmm.
- I'm really sorry about that, man.
- You know, I think that we're vulnerable to things
at different times in our lives.
And I personally feel like,
if I had not run into this abusive relationship,
I would've run into some other kind of abusive relationship,
simply because of where I was at that time in my life.
- Man.
- Was it difficult to leave the cult?
- It was difficult.
It was challenging to say no to what you thought was God
and to embrace a life where you don't know.
I watched a few people that left the group
attach themselves to other cults.
Most of us haven't.
- Wow.
- What was the process of breaking away from the group?
- Really the thing that was the catalyst for me
was a romantic relationship within the group
with a fellow member named Sophia.
She was the only person in the group that I could confide in
that would not take it back to the guru.
Everybody was narking on each other in the group.
There was no sense of trust
because that was part of the ideology.
You don't hide anything from the leader
'cause the leader only has your best interests at heart.
So having somebody that I could talk to in confidence,
allowed me to begin to form a sense of self
that was independent of the group around that relationship.
- How did you finally find the bravery to finally walk away?
- I wouldn't call it bravery.
I started to explore ways to organize my life,
so that I could leave.
So I started that process,
and while that process was going on,
the group fell apart on its own.
There was a big sex scandal with the guru.
The brave people were the ones that left before that.
And it hurts my heart to think about it,
because there were some really, really beautiful souls
who saw the bullshit and had the bravery I did not.
And they were ostracized.
They were vilified.
I would see them in public and I would ignore them,
like they never existed.
I deeply, deeply regret that.
- What do you feel like is one of the biggest stereotypes
when people hear that you used to be in a cult?
- The thing I get is, "Wow, you seem so intelligent."
- Yeah, and you really do. - And it's not about that.
It's not about that.
Ideology, it just...
Ideology is identity.
Like, we, you know, when we embrace something is truth
that becomes part of our identity
and has nothing to do with logic or reason.
It really opened my eyes to how fluid our identities are
and how much our identity is influenced
by who we surround ourselves with
and the social milieu we exist within.
- Why do you think cults exist?
- It's what people do.
You can look back through history
and we're vulnerable to it.
And we're vulnerable to it in particular moments in our life
when we're searching, when we're questioning,
and when we're in those places,
there's people looking for us.
You're worried about death, I have a solution to that.
You feel like you don't know who you are in the universe
and you don't know the meaning of life,
I do, let me tell you.
- Are you a part of any religions now?
- I'm not, I'm actually an agnostic now.
We are finite beans in an infinite universe
and I really don't think it's possible for us
to know the nature of God.
- But you still believe there is a God.
- Not in the traditional sense.
I think that there's a lot that I don't know.
But I will say that I think that the basis of the universe
is love.
- I mean, I don't know.
I want to say that I pray that you find the true God,
but if you believe that love is God,
then I think you're on the way, Chris.
- Oh, thank you, brother.
- Give me some of that, man.
- Yeah.
- Okay, brother, soon.
- Great talking to you.
- It was really great talking to you too.
- Just being in this video
is probably gonna help a lot of people
who might have dangerous or toxic relationships with people,
so I appreciate you sharing.
- Appreciate you being here. - Oh, thank you so much.
Thanks for your questions.
- Thank you.
- Hey, thank you for watching this episode.
Hopefully you got something out of it
and check out these guys' other videos,
'cause they're so full of mind opening,
fascinating conversations.
- Thank you, Chris.
Comment below what you thought of this video
and we'll see you next time.
- Can somebody signal know me when she starts waving?
So I know to. (both laughing)