- Hey guys, what's up.
I wanted to do this kind of talk
with you guys for a long time.
I often get messages from some of you guys
who have no one to talk to
or are just not able to express themselves openly
towards family and friends.
So that's what I'm here for today.
I often heard that some of you
see me as the big sister you never had.
I'm turning 28 in a few weeks.
Well, in May.
So I might have some experience to share with you already.
I asked you guys on Instagram
a whole while ago to sent me all your questions
about love, friendship, school, life and mental health.
And I literally received thousands of questions.
So it was very hard to only pick some of them
but here we go.
Let's start with the first one.
I'm terrified that I'm gonna get bored
with my future boyfriend.
Do you guys always have exciting things to talk about?
Uhmmm.
No, not at all.
No, we don't always have something exciting to talk about
but we still always appreciate each other's company.
Even if there's nothing to talk about at all.
Also, we talk a lot about our
feelings,
problems, wishes
and it's always nice to have someone
to share these things with,
even if it's not the most exciting news.
I see a lot of people who only chase these highs
and the honeymoon phase, but don't wanna work
on the relationship and end up breaking up
once they get too used to each other.
Some people are just too afraid of committing
and I understand that.
They have to decide for themselves first,
if they're ready for it.
I also didn't really think so, until I met the right person
but I think its really important to always communicate
and avoid unnecessarily hurting each other.
Next one.
Do you have tips for the first period?
It can be pretty scary thing to find yourself
bleeding down there for the first time
but you always have to keep in mind how natural it is.
It just basically shows
that everything is working perfectly fine.
So stay calm.
Don't panic.
Make sure to get yourself some tampons or pads
in the drug store or pharmacy,
or even a period cup, if it's your cup of tea.
There are many options out there,
just go with the one you feel the most comfortable with.
You can also talk
to your mom or a friend about it, if you like
and if it makes you feel safe
and you might think about your first gyne-gynecologist.
Was that right?
Your first gynecologist appointment,
just to get your regular checkups started.
I don't know if it's the same for every country
but here in Germany, they recommend annual checkups
if everything's all right.
That leads us to the next question.
What are they doing at the first gynecologist appointment?
So first there is a counseling, you talk with the doctor.
You can decide for yourself
if you want a male or a female doctor.
And if it's a good one, they'll make sure
that you feel very comfortable and at ease.
And if you're ready for it,
they will already do your first checkup
but before you sit down on the scary examination chair,
which is actually not that scary at all.
They'll explain everything to you in detail
and the checkup only takes like five minutes.
So you don't have to worry at all.
It's pretty chill.
Why am I scared of my first sex?
Well I think that's pretty normal, probably everyone is
because it's just something so new,
being that close to someone else.
And you're probably scared to do things wrong
but that's perfectly fine.
You don't have to be a sexpert yet.
Most importantly, wait until you feel ready for it.
Don't let anyone pressure you into doing it.
And if you feel ready
and have the right partner, just trust the process.
Okay. What to do if you think a friendship is getting toxic?
Ohhh, I've had my fair share of toxic friendships
in my school days, especially.
And let me tell you one thing
if they're not able to treat you right and with respect,
cut these people out of your life.
Depending on the person and their behavior,
you can give them a chance
and try to talk to them about why they're acting like that
and ask them to stop doing the things that bother you
but if that's not possible
and they don't wanna rethink their behavior,
just let them go.
How do we know if our friends are being toxic
and if we're not just being dramatic about it?
Well, I feel you.
Thinking back to my high school days
which were a little over 10 years ago.
I feel like there were a lot of these girl cliques around
with really toxic dynamics.
I think the movie mean girls is actually a perfect example
for these kind of toxic girl friends.
And I was always more of the shy and quiet one
so it was pretty easy
for the more dominant characters to take advantage.
And then you're asking yourself,
am I just being dramatic about it?
Or is that just who she is?
Is that just her personality?
And I remember in eighth grade,
a girl who called me her best friend
thought it was really funny
to push me around in front of our classmates,
probably to show how powerful she was.
And ever since,
I don't tolerate any level of toxicity in my friendships.
Like I don't have the time or the nerves to deal with that.
I think mutual respect is key
and don't let yourself be pushed around by anyone.
So if you feel that something is not right,
trust your intuition
and either talk to them about it or just cut them off.
Do you think that dating while
in high school is a waste of time?
No, I actually think if you find someone
who you really like and who likes you back,
and you're both on the same page
then it can be a really great thing.
Most high school relationships don't last forever
but I think they can still be valuable experiences
that contribute to your personal development.
Best case, you can learn a lot from it.
And who knows?
There are also cases out there that did last
for a long time or even forever.
So you never know.
As long as it's fun
and no one's getting their feelings hurt.
I think it's absolutely fine to date in high school.
Is it normal that one boob is bigger than the other one?
Yes, it is.
Don't worry there's most certainly nothing wrong with it
but still get your checkups done at the gynecologist.
They also, what is it called?
Grab your breasts.
No, not grab.
Make sure that there are no ahhh-
Nicole?
My parents won't take me to the psychologist.
I'm scared of going alone.
What should I do?
Well, I know the thought of going to therapy
for the first time can be pretty intimidating,
especially if you're young
and your parents might not support you
or understand your struggles in the first place,
but most psychologists are handling
these matters very professionally.
You can just call them
and either make an appointment
or be put on their waiting list.
All the things you tell them will be treated confidentially
as long as you're not planning to harm yourself or others.
So you don't have to be scared of it.
You can do this on your own.
I had my first psychologist appointment with 14, I think.
Yeah, I was 14.
It's- it's totally fine.
It can actually be a big help
and a relief to have somebody to talk to.
Okay. Next one.
How to stop obsessing over K-pop idols?
It makes me really sad these days.
Thinking back to my teenage years
excessive stanning can be really exhausting.
Like constantly chasing the highs
and slowly forgetting about your own life
and also escaping it in a way.
So to a point it can be really healing to have your idols
and be able to count on them
and keep up with their lives and everything they do.
But when it comes to a point
that you barely live in the real world
and feel actually hurt about not being friends
or even in a relationship with your idol.
It starts getting really unhealthy for you
and potentially for your surroundings as well.
You should always remember that
behind this perfect facade
and this story that's built around the idol you adore.
They're coming home after the job is done,
being regular people, just like you and I.
Most certainly not keeping up with
the dreamy image you have of them 24/7.
Remember it's their job to be dreamy
and they're just human after all.
How to start a YouTube channel if you're shy?
I'm scared of my classmates finding out.
First of all, don't give a flying f***
about what your classmates say.
I'm speaking from experience.
Your classmates are just a tiny part of your life
and someday, most of them will not be
part of your journey anymore.
So who cares?
It takes a lot of courage to try out something new
and you can be very proud of yourself if you're doing so.
I'm pretty shy as well.
So the fact that you can just lock yourself in your room
and turn on the camera without anyone watching
that really helped me in the very beginning,
when I first started.
It kind of gave me a feeling of security
to be able to try out different things
without being judged
and get comfortable with the camera
before starting to upload.
Trust me, it's always weird
to start talking to a camera for the first time.
So as soon as you're ready for your first upload
and you like what you're seeing
you get to grow a thick skin
because there will always be people
on the internet who throw their opinions at you
but that's absolutely fine,
as long as you believe in yourself and in what you do.
Should I choose a career path I always dreamed about
or a safe option?
That's a really good question.
I guess that this pandemic right now,
shows that there's no such thing
as a hundred percent safe job or career option.
If you have a dream career path,
you should go for it and really ask yourself,
why would you choose the safe option
that you might possibly regret?
What is your goal, ultimately?
I feel like there's nothing more successful
than doing what you love every day.
I see many people who chose a safe option
and then regret it.
But of course there's also people who choose a safe option
and really start loving their job.
My dream has always been working as a YouTuber
but I didn't just quit my studies and my part-time jobs
only to pursue YouTube
because sometimes things don't work out immediately
and there's always bills to pay.
I believe what's crucial is to have a long-term plan
and to take every opportunity that might get you
closer towards that dream.
Worst you can do is missing out
on chances and opportunities
because you're too afraid to fail.
So if you have a dream, go for it
because that's what will make you happy eventually.
And in the end, that's all that matters.
Is it weird to never have dated anyone and be 19?
I'm really insecure about that.
Not at all.
There are no rules for that.
So you should start dating whenever you ready.
Is it okay that I like boys and girls?
Of course it is.
I think it's more than okay.
If Dong-In was a girl, I'd love to date her.
Okay guys so, I hope this video was helpful for you.
If you want more help from your big sister,
leave your questions or worries in the comments
and I'll make another episode for you.
Last but not least,
I wanted to introduce you guys
to this healthcare class I took recently,
which helps me a lot to stay calm and hopeful
with this ongoing lockdown here in Germany.
I found it on Skillshare,
who's also the sponsor of today's video.
The class is called Daily Art Practice for Self-Care,
14 days of messages to yourself.
As part of the 14 day practice,
you will take some time out of your day
to listen to your inner voice and create an artwork
around whatever you feel that day.
You can make digital illustrations
or simply use pen and paper,
just use the medium that feels most natural for you.
It doesn't matter how good or bad you are at drawing.
You're just doing it for yourself
to give your feelings an outlet.
Build up more self-compassion and just listen to yourself.
I'd recommend this class for you guys,
if you wanna practice some self-care.
Skillshare is an online learning community.
So besides this one you can find
thousands of other inspiring classes
on topics like art design, photography, or crafts.
It is less than $10 a month with an annual subscription
and there are no ads, so you can stay focused.
First thousand of you guys
who click the link in the description box
will get a free trial of the premium membership.
So feel free to check it out.
I hope you guys liked this video.
Leave a like if you did
and don't forget to subscribe for more videos.
I'll see you in the next one.
Bye.
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