-Last time you were here,
we had a joke. We each told a joke.
-So, this -- -No, no, wait, wait, wait.
Can I -- [ Light laughter ]
I thought maybe I would go first.
-You want to go first?
-I think so because I think you're really good at this.
Okay. -Take your best shot.
-All right, so here's -- All right, here's my joke.
You guys want to hear a joke? -Yes!
-All right, so this guy -- And don't stop me
if you've heard it before 'cause I have to do it.
All right, so -- -Okay.
-This guy goes into the vet.
He goes into the veterinarian's office, and he's holding a duck.
And he walks in, and he goes... -Yeah.
-A duck. And he goes, "Doc, is, uh...
is my duck -- is it dead?"
Doctor goes, "Well, just by the fact
that it's not moving, yeah, it's dead."
And the guy's like, "Oh, man.
This is terrible. Uh, are you sure?"
The doctor goes, "Yeah, I mean, I can go -- I could run
another test if you want." He goes, "Come here."
So, this big chocolate lab comes out.
Goes over to the duck -- [ Sniffs ] --
starts sniffing the duck. [ Sniffing ]
Looks up at the doctor, and he goes...
[ Light laughter ]
Doctor goes, "I am sorry. The duck is no longer with us.
He's -- He's passed."
He goes, "Oh, my goodness. A-A-Are you sure?
Are you sure?"
He goes, "Yeah. I mean, I could run another test."
So he gets a cat, comes in, he goes, "Psst, psst."
Cat comes over and looks at the duck.
[ Laughter ]
Looks over, the cat comes in.
Cat comes in, he looks at the duck's eyes.
Turns around, looks back at the duck.
Cat looks up at the doctor...
Doctor goes, "Yeah, I'm sorry to tell you, your duck is no more.
He's deceased. Your duck is dead."
The guy goes, "Oh, this is terrible.
What do I owe you?" He goes, "1,500 bucks."
He goes, "$1,500 for what?"
He goes, "Well, I mean, with the lab work and the cat scan."
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
[ Applause ]
[ Laughter ]
See, that's where I wanted to go --
that's where I wanted to go first, you see?
[ Laughter ]
-So, this cannibal's walking down this path...
-Okay. -...in the jungle.
And he passes another cannibal village.
And another cannibal from the other village
is walking down the path. -Yeah.
-They're going to the place where cannibals go.
[ Light laughter ] And the first cannibal says
to the second cannibal, "Hey. How you doing?
How you feeling?"
And the second cannibal says, "Actually, thank you for asking.
I haven't been feeling that good lately."
He says, "What's the problem?"
He says, "It's, uh -- It's my tummy."
He says, "Your tummy?"
He says, "What have you been eating?"
He says, "Well, the usual -- you know, missionaries."
He says, "Missionaries?" [ Light laughter ]
He says, "How are you cooking them?"
He said, "Well, you know, the usual way.
We get a big pot of water, boiling, a couple bay leaves,
onions, some carrots.
We throw them in, four, five, six hours."
He says, "Oh. Well, that's --" He says, "Wait a second."
He says, "What do they look like?"
He said, "Oh, you know, they got the little fringe of hair
on the brown schmatta.
You know, the brown thing they wear and the sandals."
He says, "Well, man, you're cooking them wrong."
He said, "Cooking them wrong? I'm cooking them wrong?
What do you mean, cooking them wrong?"
He said, "Them are friars."
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Come on.
♪♪
That's what I'm talking about.
[ Laughs ]
That's exactly --
You're cooking -- "Them are friars."
[ Laughter ]
Let's talk about "Secret Life."
Yeah, they enjoyed it. They got it.
Yeah, absolutely.
Let's talk about "Secret Life of Pets 2."
I saw it the other day. I loved it.
-It's a secret. -Yeah, I know, it is a secret.
-I can't tell you. -No spoilers, of course not.
Yeah. -No, no.
-You play Rooster the Dog. -I do.
-Yeah, and you're great at it. -The secret's out.
-The secret's definitely out.
The trailer's out. Yeah, the movie's out.
-Yeah. -Well, it's soon to be out.
-Soon to be out. -Soon to be out.
But it's hilarious.
And you're a farm dog, and, man, you get some good laughs.
Do you enjoy doing voiceover?
-Um... Yeah, I guess so.
I mean, nobody ever asked me before,
so, uh -- But I enjoyed this one.
-You did, yeah. -Yeah.
-'Cause you knocked it out of the park.
-You think so? -I absolutely loved you.
-Good. -And you got some giant laughs.
-Great. -It's -- yeah.
This is cool. And we get the chance to see you,
so I'm happy that you're here. -Thank you very much.
-Please, I want to show everyone a clip, if you don't mind.
This is the Harrison Ford as the farm dog, Rooster,
in "The Secret Life of Pets 2." Take a look at this.
-Name's Rooster.
-Oh! Okay. I'm Max. And this is --
-Hey, what's that kid doing in the cage?
There something wrong with him? He got the fever?
[ Baby giggling ] -That's -- That's Liam.
He -- He likes to run. -So let him run.
-Well, Liam's super fast. We blink, and he's up a tree.
-So, then your kid's up a tree. What's the problem?
-Well, he could fall. -He might.
-And then he hurts himself. -Oh.
So he got really high up in this hypothetical tree.
Kid gets hurt, he learns not to do it again.
You know how many electric cords I chewed?
-Like, multiple cords?
-One. It shocked me.
I walked backward for a week, but I never chewed a cord again.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-That's a good lesson to learn!
Harrison Ford, everybody!