Heya playa, do you have a crush on someone that you think or know
is trans and you're wondering to yourself is it okay for me to ask them out?
Are people gonna think it's weird if the two of us start dating?
Or what does this mean about me and my own sexuality if I'm attracted to a trans person?
I have a few tips and ideas that I want to share with you so let's walk through them.
For those of you that don't know a trans person is someone that
identifies as a different gender from that which they were assigned at birth.
So for example when they were born if the doctor assigned them to be a boy
but later growing up they felt like they wanted to carry themselves in this world as a girl
they would be considered a trans person.
And there are many different stages that fall under the trans umbrella,
I'm just kind of giving you a very very general overview right now.
But let's go back to the fact that you have a crush on someone that's trans,
what does that mean?
Well, let's say you're a guy that's attracted to girls.
You're just drawn to feminine characteristics so, the same
way you notice that with the cisgendered girl you're also noticing that with the trans girl.
Hence why you like her.
Most of the time what people are actually drawn to are observable characteristics.
How does their hair look when it's flowing in the wind?
How does their smile glow whenever we make eye contact?
How do they just kind of have that cute little
laugh whenever I make a joke or try to flirt with them?
And even though you're feeling some kind of way about them there's still this social stigma that
no, they were born a boy therefore you like boys
even though they present and carry themselves as a girl.
You might be thinking to yourself oh my god
because they were once a boy does that make me gay?
And I would argue no.
What attracts you to them are the characteristics that they are embodying as they present themselves
within your society as a girl or a boy or someone not on that binary scale.
So I would say you can rest assured that your heterosexuality remains intact but,
I think the problem is we're bogging ourselves down with these heteronormative terms.
If you like someone because you're attracted to them,
I wouldn't worry so much about what your sexuality is and just embrace it.
So when it comes to actually asking someone out that's trans
it really is no different from asking anyone out.
Most likely you're going to be a little bit nervous and so will they, but
approach them with the intention to learn about them, to discover their hobbies,
and their interests to see what you have in common.
To flirt and interact in a way to see if the two of you are compatible.
I think whether a person is trans or cisgendered
we're all looking for the same basic thing whenever someone approaches us.
Kindness, understanding, compassion, and acceptance of who we are.
So if you like that person focus and lead with those characteristics.
I want to emphasize here that it is good to ask questions to learn
about that person but there is a point where questions can get a little bit too personal.
Especially if you're asking something like "hey what's in between your legs?".
You might be thinking it's a pretty straightforward and simple question,
I might be attracted to certain parts and not other parts so I'm just asking to save
myself time but you gotta think about when and how you go about asking that question.
If you're just meeting that person for the first time and talking to them
that is not the time to ever bring that up.
Imagine if you were on a first date with a girl and you guys are talking about basic
things and she's all like "yeah cool I like those Spiderman movies too, so how big is your penis?".
That question is pretty invasive, especially on a first date.
But the reason why it's so problematic is because you're now gonna be thinking
"wow, this girl's gonna make a complete character judgment of me based on this one characteristic.
She hasn't really taken the time to get to know me or see whether or not that's going to be an issue
as we get more intimate and get to know each other."
Is she entitled to her standards and what she's looking for in a partner?
Absolutely.
That one characteristic might just be the deal-breaker for her but bringing it up
so willy-nilly like that, thinking there's no problem with me addressing this or asking this
is not being respectful of the other person.
I would say since you were initially attracted to this
person in the beginning they're still worth getting to know.
Each and every single one of us is built just a little bit differently
and as you build a deeper bond with them those qualifiers you had, in the beginning,
may evolve or completely disappear as you form a deeper romantic connection.
And what about people that might belittle or invalidate your relationship with a trans
person by telling you that you're confused or it's not real because you're both boys or both girls?
I think we need to recognize that our choices are for our lives and not theirs.
You see something in this person that is special
and unique and other people may never ever see that, that's okay though.
They don't need to approve or accept your relationship at all.
What matters most is that you find a partner that you feel you can grow with.
If you see that in this other person then build
that relationship regardless of what other people say.
The thing that will be required of you is to be a caring, compassionate, and understanding partner.
Even in today's day and age trans people still face a lot of discrimination,
especially from the people that are the closest to them.
Recognize that there is a story behind their transition that might not always
be sunshine and rainbows, so while you may have a lot of questions
be respectful and give them the space to share with you when they feel ready to share.
There's nothing wrong with dating a trans person.
If you like someone that's trans I'm telling you, go for it.
You might just have a really really happy relationship with them.
And I know some of the things I said in this video
might be a little bit controversial so I want to hear your perspective.
Leave a comment down below.
But if you thought this was controversial you should
definitely check out the video over there on the screen now where I talk
more about these heavy dating topics that people don't always want to get into.
Check out that video and I'll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.