- I could go shopping - oh!
(bleep) you!
I'm alright.
(jaunty acoustic music suddenly turns into electric guitar)
We are playing Grand Theft Auto,
but we're playing as animals.
- I love animals so much.
I'm really hoping I can play as a lizard
because lizards are my favorite.
Zach, will I be a lizard today?
- Uh, I don't think you're gonna be a lizard.
- Oh, okay.
- That juxtaposition is funny, where it's just you're,
you know, Babe, or that other pig from Charlotte's Web.
- I like animals, I'm not sure how I feel about
putting them in the dangerous situations.
I'm gonna make sure that nobody dies that is an animal.
- Oh no wait, why are you moving? (laughs)
- You have a task list. - A task list?
- Enjoy a leisure activity. (idyllic string music)
- Steal a vehicle.
Become the hunter.
- Lose the cops.
- I'm ready for it!
- Oh! (cheerful music)
I'm a pup, I'm a pupper.
Oh it's so cute!
Look at that pink nose!
- (inhales sharply in joy) Oh my god!
I'm so cute.
Look.
(cat meows)
I meow, oh my gosh I love this game so much.
(gasps)
Instead of shooting, I just scratch behind my ear.
Wait, look, I'm chasing him.
- Are you blind, motherf-----?
- This man is yelling obscenities at me.
- I'm a pig. (laughs)
Oh no.
Alright, I'm a pig.
This is gross.
The closest thing is a strip club.
I'm just gonna walk my fat ass over there.
This is weird
because I'm just looking at a pig ass the whole time.
Just a straight up shot of me looking into
the belly of the beast.
What are you talking- you talking about pork chops?
Okay.
Don't ever talk about pork chops when I'm around.
- Oh my gosh, my favorite Instagram cat died this week,
so we'll name him after him.
His name was Oscar.
He was a blind cat.
Oscar, to the strip club!
- [Bystander] I'm about to go (bleep) it up!
- You're not gonna (bleep) up a cat dude,
I'm calling your bluff.
Oh my gosh, I pushed it with my nose.
I don't think I ever wanna be
this close to the ground in a strip club.
Let's try to rub up against them.
- You think I'm a real sellout!
- Hello.
- What the (bleep) wrong with you?
- Oh, they're just yelling at me.
Okay, bye.
Oh my gosh, this no running thing-
oh my god, kicked me! (intense orchestral music)
He kicked me!
Oh my god!
Stop!
What's happening, oh my god?
(negative buzzer)
- [Man On Screen] Come on in.
- (laughs) Come on in pig boy.
Look at this lady, she's just like,
"Mmm, that shouldn't be in here,
"but to each his own I guess."
Whaddup, whaddup, I come here all the time.
I just fell!
- Pig ass mother-(bleep)! (intense orchestral music)
- Oh my god, why are they hitting me?
(cry-laughs)
I just got jumped by people
who just didn't like my kind. (negative buzzer)
- My leisure activity (cheerful music)
is gonna be to try to make a friend,
a human friend.
(laughs) You can hear his little toenails
clacking on the sidewalk.
This is a good game.
Oh, hey.
Hey mister.
You know what, dogs love smelling poles.
- Are you blind mother-(bleep)?
- That was very rude, this is a dog, sir.
Hey, hello.
Nobody likes me.
Come back!
Come back, be my friend.
Hello, did you change your mind?
No?
But I'm very cute.
I'll just keep running until they love me.
Oh!
Oh.
Love me!
Look, he seems- oh, did I...
Oh, I killed him.
He killed that man.
Ooh.
Okay, we're just gonna-
(negative buzzer) he didn't mean to,
he was just playing.
- Wait, huh?
I need to figure out (exciting spy music)
how to steal a car
as something that's very low to the ground.
Go back over there!
- (bleep)
(bleep)
- Oh my gosh look, I'm so cute in the driver's seat!
It me.
That was my favorite thing (affirmative ding)
I want to steal every car as an animal.
- Haha, I'm a cat.
No, I'm a puma.
Oh (bleep).
(laughs)
Oh my goodness, (people scream)
look at this guy run.
Alright sir, get out of the car.
(driver yells)
What is- (laughs uproariously)
- Oh (bleep).
- Oh man, (affirmative ding)
he tried to like fold himself like an Animorph.
- I'm a mountain lion.
The cops are after me, I've killed some people.
I just want to get into this car, now.
Oh my god!
(affirmative ding) Holy...
- I'm a monkey.
Oh wait, look at my ass.
Okay, so the next task is you have to become the hunter.
Let's go see what happens.
Ooh!
Sorry man!
Do I have guns?
I got lots of guns.
- (bleep) (explosions)
- Destructive, I like it.
My gosh, wait, stop, stop.
Everything's on fire right now.
I have been feel- oh, I have three stars,
I'm partially there, I'm just gonna run away,
and there's more cops, okay, (affirmative ding)
this is a sticky situation for me.
- I'm a chicken.
Hello sir, (discordant jangly music)
I'm a chicken in the city.
I'm gonna cross the road,
to murder.
How does this work?
I'm a chicken with grenades.
I'm about to attack this deep-fried chicken fast food place
as a chicken.
They're eating my people.
Someone's gotta put a stop to it.
Wait, uh-oh.
So I tried to throw a grenade as a chicken,
but the game glitched out.
So I'm gonna steal a car and try to ram it into it.
Uh, ooh.
- [Bystander] (bleep)
- Exactly.
Uh, it's not working.
Zach, how do I start a car?
- I think the chicken maybe can't drive a car.
- Come on, (negative buzzer)
I can't throw a grenade, I can't drive a car...
- I'm a deer. (intense guitar music)
Where's John at?
Oh my god. (bystanders scream in terror)
It's honestly the freakiest thing.
(explosions, affirmative ding)
Deer's out for revenge.
Buddy, get out of here.
Get out of here!
Run!
I have to do what I have to do.
- Sorry lady, I don't know what's about to happen,
but it's probably gonna be a slow painful death.
- Why you ain't pick up when I called you earlier?
- No!
Excuse me, I'm sorry, I'm trying to murder you.
Maybe I can kill these guys.
(crash)
(giggles)
- So I am a boar right now.
I have to lose the cops, so I'm gonna get into this vehicle.
I can- ooh!
Alright!
I'm just gonna keep- oh, I oinked.
Oink oink.
I am gonna escape into the wild
and then jump out as a pig.
I'm having a little bit of a hard time
getting out of the vehicle.
Look, see, nobody even knows.
They're like, whoa, this boar.
That's crazy.
Somehow I'm still alive.
Oh wait, I wanted to go- oh.
(negative buzzer)
Alright.
- I gotta lose the cops (bystanders screaming)
as a Golden- or a Retriever.
I'm just gonna go into the alley and hang out with my boys.
I'm just a little mangy mutt, lost the cops already.
Just chilling.
Go sleep by the dumpsters, this is my home.
(affirmative ding) I did it, lost the cops,
so I blended into my environment, like a true Retriever.
(sad violin music) Oh, now I'm just sad,
I feel bad for this dog.
Damn it.
(music ceases abruptly)
I need a dog real bad.
I'm a... coyote? (intense metal music)
(man shouts in pain)
Yes.
So, the thing about coyotes is they're not that strong.
They're like, just skinny dogs.
Excuse me.
Okay, I'm just annoying, is what it is.
This is a horror movie.
What the-
I'm gonna test this guy out here.
How do I throw it?
Ah.
(explosion)
(giggles)
- I think you failed.
- Did I fail or did I win? (negative buzzer)
Who can say?
- This was crazy, (confident rock music)
this was ridiculous, and I don't even know why
you keep asking me to do these things.
- I liked playing as a cat,
I wish that there was a game called,
Grand Theft Gato.
(triumphant air horn noises)
- I liked playing GTA as animals.
My only regret
is not being able to destroy the fried chicken place.