I would like a vowel please rate thank
you John oh and I would like a consonant
please see and another vowel please
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
hello Joe all right Jimmy oh of course I
should really be drink-driving
what why are you here Joe you you know
you don't work here anymore
oh yeah god you're sick as pigs are you
that should be smoking I'll drop my
in there early I'm doing a bonus round
Jimmy but we don't have a bonus round
do you not I'll be able to see let's
piss me off a little bit I'll Drive this
up from South London
for months it took me
I caused a hundred eleven accidents Joe
welcome to the show we've all made mugs
for each other we didn't think to make
one for you I apologize what what would
you have on a mug if you would well the
thing always annoyed me you know you
know when you're at work or you've got a
mug
yep it's in the cupboard and other
people use it yep so I never said I'd
write something on the cup that would
stop people from using it I don't know
something like sometimes I keep urine in
this mug what would you put on a 50p
coins if you had the chance
nipple did you celebrate the end of
austerity at all this week - no I
yeah well whenever I'm a bit flush I'll
I'll treat myself to a chicken Kiev now
I've been told you've got a 50p coin
with you is that right
well yeah was this yeah it's all kind of
site right yeah I have been leaving this
like at basically put message on the
50-piece for quite a while because
basically I leave messages for my the
newsagent
that I fancy and I leave little messages
on 50 piece for her that I had over in
Russia when I'm by the twits
and they asked me to bring one in so so
this is 50 feet it comes with a little
dicey
Cernan oh this one they're different
every time this is another one
she says dear Linda smart I didn't know
our surname so I just made it up
thank you for selling me a Twix every
day for the last 26 years she said you
have you have a lovely smile and a
superb knuckles folks are going to the
cinema one evening or for a short walk
near your house less lethargy derail
these fact enter vents we crank up the
incidental music and head to Europe's
largest medieval square r-e Nick gloomy
you and high that extra game would do
this drawing focus what a square 40,000
square meters of it I love it well 57 it
was designed and it's one of the first
on the UNESCO World Heritage Sites
clawful yeah
700 years in business Kloss is one of my
favorite word's is it the Basilica of
the Holy Virgin 13th century the most
important church in crafts quite a lot
to take in and add the me to reach
Poland's preeminent poets I do you have
to say his know about that you don't
have to but if you're not quite sure of
the pronunciation you just start out
yeah yeah that's keepin you know what
also happens here out of 1994 what - and
parade sausage dogs dressed up imagine
the fun you can have with this tell me
it's today it's not today Southie Firth
we resurface with a savage thirst and
search out a local libation in the old
Jewish quarter of Kashmir you're about
to have your beer Seerat what does that
weigh they put syrup in their beer here
in Poland what they do every which is
Hebrew slang for friends has been
transformed into one of the city's best
backdrops the self archiving Joe this
used to be a house of prayer for now
it's abuzer let's sit down a lot of the
original frescoes the original watt
frescoes frescoes you leave
pictures no try taking that picture off
the wall people some p.m. - raspberries
- ginger and then two regular ones so
that we can taste a difference between
them you won't find a much better shot
of someone serving beer no this one have
a bit of harmless high jinks 1 2 3 go
this is all the makings of a Chumbawamba
song right can we get this one out of
line ginger first yeah Cheers
the best of times
[Music]
that's a good message to send out to
kids in it by six this is why this could
take a wrong turn gets worse ginger this
is like a Christmas beer hey Christmas
they sent this off in winter what's
wrong with it if it hot I'd switch the
place out just to summarize what's your
favorite regular kind of be who get
anyway so naughty babe second favorite
raspberry raspberry ginger ginger and
even worse than that if they were hard
Cheers
as Joe becomes a young Shirley Valentine
[Music]
this game John Aisling your turn to
choose the letters oh right John we do
have enough yes okay Joe you can't smoke
on television oh did you just inhale
bubbles
[Laughter]
[Applause]
so what just happened there that was
meant to blow it I forgot
[Applause]
[Laughter]
[Applause]
[Laughter]
you're right Joe Walker you been up to
you mate
well well cuz you were fired me because
you're a prick I've kind of gone back to
being an inventor so starting to invent
it again myself you could this is
actually one of my inventions it's
actually a a baby propose for adults
only downside is you need a giant who's
prepared to carry around for the optimum
this one's mine
exclaimed George off weakling Tuffy's my
best idea well bring it on bring it on
that's what they're over
[Laughter]
better wait of when the UK Strongest Man
is struggling today did you celebrate
Halloween I'll be I'll show you had him
looming out the dark of scaring people
is a bit of a buffer holiday for them
Joe do you believe in God yeah yeah yeah
yeah I already do so much so that I
actually sometimes practice being a
ghost myself just in case is what we do
next and I don't want to be it
[Laughter]
just basically at night I stand at the
end of my flatmates bed while he sleeps
if he wakes up and starts shouting you
know you know I'm gonna move out I'm
gonna move out in a really ghostly voice
I just
and I knock his lamp over what would you
spend your money on how much I've got a
thousand thousand pounds thousand pounds
probably sit on Norma why why yeah I've
got garden but I'll tell you but I'm
actually the I'm actually the fellow
that does crop circles
[Laughter]
I'm barb a Seafarer that we're doing it
with a fly mode day two and Krakoff
starts with some calm to the u n-- ISM
all right so you can pop you high it's
all about some elegant entrance I've
barely got any legroom in here
whatsoever okay
Aska gives us a few filled
two-and-a-half-hour tastes of life in a
classless society I was feeling nervous
that I saw this tiny handful that is
good
we chunder to the district of nova
hooter starlings showcase suburb as
socialist realism and one of only two
pre-planned pinko neighborhoods in the
world this intended to be a worker's
paradise no the Huether is centered on
the steelworks from which it takes its
meetings after 20 scarcely suspended
mins we arrive at the Avenue of roses
from now on we comrades okay yeah this
isn't workplace - yeah very serious the
Marches propaganda speeches yes it's no
place for like eroticism exactly I'm
pissing about the days we used
to have the highest statue of Lenin
skinny guy in reality yes but this
statue six bucks unfinished his vows
what do you think's under here yeah but
anyway as you can see we get rid of him
so essentially we've come to look at
something that is no longer here exactly
I think we're gonna jump in okay that
could be the show's tagline it's not
that bad
as our remaining audience begs to differ
we buckle up to the more hashtag true
bands does have indicators then its own
bourgeois I like to know left alright
I salute the Coleman is this look we're
going we're going there Joe
we're in a tin box freeze that hurts us
thank you that was close
it's absolutely fine this is very
durable fiberglass it's very flexible
that's what you want in a crash closer
than ever we reach our final stop an
actual apartment full of Soviet Cheers
where is what can click oh thank you
because gonna be a bit of brainwashing
process going on so I like a whole house
of it well what's your love aren't
contemporary place we simply can't wait
to what the 1951 propaganda classic
destination Nova hooter and what's more
we don't have to a massive hands to this
glass next time we've been there like to
get quite into the vodka now I'm
retiring are now I'm gonna spend my days
just drinking this in Peckham watching
Eastern Bloc visuals it's a lot of
clapping isn't in your head longest ten
minutes of my life please have pity for
the people watching oh it's over
finished finish scholars it oh it's
really good I convinced yes papers was a
hell life behind you yeah absolutely
common air the bourgeoisie
yeah how is what anyway sorry strong we
are struggling to form sentences
[Applause]
what's going on Joe well you know I was
fired at the end of the last series well
since you fired me prick I what have you
been up to Joe I was fired at the end of
the last series which is what
have you been up to since I got fired
from the last show you prick
oh Mike you know they fired me I'll
seriously knew your prick
garlic oh you all right yeah I'm fine
way out of it just ask him what what
have you been up to
it's been a busy week you know because
she fired me because you're a turd to
make a few extra bit of cash they've
been doing a few medical experiments on
them really had any side effects so
what's going on Jimmy is you fired me so
maker be a cash done a bit of a deal got
a sponsor for the show show is now
sponsored by Bannister company it's
actually my half-brother
Fabio's company
[Laughter]
Iraq shouldn't eat you idiot
WikiLeaks martyr Julian Assange this
week as an Ecuadorian judge said he had
to start obeying a new set of rules if
he's allowed to stay in their embassy
they include paying for his own food and
laundry bills cleaning up after himself
and his cat and they're also apparently
sick of him skateboarding and playing
football in the residence
skateboarding one of them yes what would
you do if you're on your own in the
Ecuadorian Embassy Joe what wouldn't I
do I'll probably just pay the the
penguin game penguin no she's a why not
what's the penguin game thank you it's
really simple you just see how long you
can go without thinking about penguin
[Laughter]
I've just lost my poems about so very
important to me so about how come it's
okay to name you Willy but it's not okay
to name the fellas Willy next year at
the urinals so my poems called hanging
about in a train station toilet named in
people's penises whole commuter on your
way to work
I'm gonna call yours captain Birdseye
because it looks like he's wearing a
polo neck and winking at me
welcome I just named your penis
hello train driver who's just nipped him
for a piss
I'm gonna call yours missus fernsby
know geography things yeah because
you're small and wrinkly and have a
birthmark down the side of your shaft
you're welcome I just named your anus
[Laughter]
hello please hello
police officer
[Laughter]
Hellen police officer who's just been
sent to the toilets because they've had
reports of someone named
[Laughter]
[Applause]
God arrest me for naming strangers
oh you can I didn't know that
oh great now I'm electronically talent
again
you