I fear eternal damnation but I'm an
atheist
let me explain now this might sound kind
of weird at first but just give me a
chance to explain why I as someone who
doesn't believe in God
still periodically fears his wrath now
don't worry I'm not like in the process
of turning into a Christian or anything
like that it's just I was having a
conversation about this with a friend
yesterday and he was quite surprised to
learn of some of the things that I think
about some of the things that I feel and
experience and so I thought I'd make a
video about it because I think there is
a message that can be taken away from
the way that I feel about this
I'm an atheist okay categorically I am
not convinced of God's existence but a
lot of you will know that it hasn't
always been that way I was raised as a
Roman Catholic I went to Catholic
schools I went to church I was an altar
boy I was confirmed you know I was a
perfectly good god-fearing lad but it
didn't last I grew out of it I grew out
of religion I grew out of spirituality
and I grew out of it all but I never
really considered myself an atheist for
the longest time it was only relatively
recently within the past or a few years
that I realized it's it's all gone I am
an atheist now I live without God a
theist a without theism God and it was
only then that I truly recognized the
long-term effects of my religious
upbringing as a child you have no
perspective of the world other than your
own you have no knowledge or experience
of this world other than what you have
already and it's not very much and
nobody will ever be able to fully
experience the world from everybody's
perspective but as a child you're
particularly credulous when it comes to
believing things that are told to you as
statements of fact by authoritative
figures I also think that when you're
part of an organization especially if
you're devoutly part of an organization
it can be quite difficult to recognize
the flaws of that organization perhaps
just the lack of trying but people tend
to either ignore or be unaware of some
of the criticisms of the organization
that they're a part of so put these two
things together and you
have my religious upbringing a young
credulous child who was told that he was
born in sin and can only be saved
through Jesus Christ or as Christopher
Hitchens but it was created sick and
commanded to be well but don't get me
wrong okay this was this was very subtle
it's not like my education or my parents
or anybody was you know actively
shouting me every day telling me that
you're going to go to hell you need to
repent you need to accept the Lord Jesus
Christ I understand that some families
are like that luckily mine wasn't but I
think this actually adds to my point the
people who I blamed the least the people
who I don't blame at all are my parents
and family in fact my dad was an atheist
and while other members of my family
were religious it wasn't really a
conversation that we had very much I
think my parents just trusted that my
schooling and church and those sorts of
things would be the way that I would
learn about the faith and they trusted
that they were doing it responsibly and
so they sent me there unfortunately they
weren't and what I mean when I say that
my primary school and my church were
irresponsible is that they were dogmatic
and of course they they had to be
dogmatic that's just the nature of
monotheism it has to be dogmatic because
that's the only real way to enlist
people to your organization but they
weren't overtly bad or at least they
weren't any worse than any other school
or Church I was in fact I was most of
the stories most of the lessons that I
learned were stories of love with
stories of Jesus saving people and
redeeming them we didn't talk about the
people who rejected God we didn't talk
about the people who left the faith or
who went against God's teachings but I
was a smart kid I knew what happened to
those people and it's worth noting that
at this point I wasn't scared at all
because I was Christian I I knew that I
was going to heaven and that God loved
me and so I don't even need to worry
about Hell I don't need to worry about
eternal punishment for sin because I
would be saved by Jesus Christ that's
what I was told but of course being
taught this inspiring quote-unquote
message of Jesus's love and salvation to
to gain salvation you have to be
in need of saving okay and that's why
the flip side of the coin of teaching
people about the love of Jesus Christ is
teaching them that they're born in sin
and that's not healthy for any child so
fast forward to when I finally committed
myself to the label of atheism like I
said before at this point I am
completely unconvinced of God's
existence but I was still left no matter
how strongly I decided that God's
existence didn't make sense I was still
left with an instinctual fear of this
eternal damnation it's just something
that doesn't go away and usually it's
nothing for me to worry about it's just
like a five-second blip when I'm sat on
a bus looking out of a window I'm a
sinner I'm going to hell I'm going to
die and suffer for eternity and then
it's gone because my logic and reason
sort of takes over but when it when it
gets really bad you know it can't or
keep you up at night and this is the
most frustrating thing about this
condition is that I can use my logic and
reason with every bit of logic that I
have in my mind I can convince myself
that there is no hell there is no
eternity and I'm not going to suffer but
it doesn't matter how strongly I believe
that I cannot get away from this
instinctual fear that's been drilled
into me as a child even though it might
have been drilled into me inadvertently
it was drilled into me nonetheless it's
horrible I mean it's horrible enough
just having to experience these blips I
can't imagine what that must be like
living with that for your entire life
non-stop and there are people out there
who do live like that and some of them
some of them are children when I say the
words child abuse what springs to mind
because if you're like most people then
the first thought you'll have is of like
physical sexual abuse because when you
hear of child abuse as horrible as it is
like on the news that's generally the
nature of the abuse but let's not forget
that abuse has many different
definitions okay and according to google
calm definition of abuse is to use
something to bad effect or for a bad
purpose ie misuse now education is
hands-down the most important part of a
child's upbringing
and I believe that by telling children
that there is only one way to interpret
the world and the beauty of the world
and that they will go to hell if they
reject it I believe that to be a misuse
of Education and to go hand in hand with
that the denial of a proper scientific
education in favor of ancient
superstition is also a misuse of
education and denial is a form of abuse
if a child would denied food or water
you would consider that abuse if a child
were denied a proper education you would
consider that abuse and so I would argue
that denying a child the right to live a
life that isn't burdened by guilt and
the fear of eternal punishment is abuse
Richard Dawkins in The God Delusion
mentions at one point some documented
cases of people who were sexually abused
as children by priests of course these
people were horrific Lee affected by the
ordeals but the people that Dawkins
mentions are people who who said
themselves that the psychological
long-term effects of their religious
upbringing is worse for them than the
physical abuse of the priests just think
about that for a second now of course I
have no idea what it must be like to
live with such a trauma that's as bad as
that but I know that I'm certainly not
alone in saying that I don't know if I
can ever forgive the leaders of the
religious institutions to which I was
indoctrinated as a child because the
effect that they had I don't know if
that will ever go away and that's
something that I now have to live with
and so yes there are times where I as an
atheist as the most atheist person that
I know fear hell fear the devil and fear
suffering and again worth noting I don't
blame anyone in particular I certainly
don't blame my parents I don't blame my
teachers I don't even really blame my
priests I blame the institution that is
the Christian Church and I feel just as
strongly about the Islamic Church or the
Jewish Church or any church that says
that if you are
gay if you reject god if you'e pasta
size from a religion that you're going
to suffer if you didn't at first
consider this at its worst to be child
abuse I ask you to reconsider
anyway I don't really want to end the
video on a note as depressing as that so
I thought that I would mention that it's
finally time to announce my first ever
patron of the month so out of the
eligible pledges on my patreon account a
random name generator has selected a
winner and that winner is Matt Watson so
congratulations to you Matt I will be
sending you a copy of mortality by
Christopher Hitchens you guys know that
I've raved about this book and of course
I'll be leaving a special thank you on
the inside front cover if you want to
learn how you can become a patron of
course links are in the description
speaking of books it seems that you guys
want to know what books I read a comment
that I get pretty much more than any
other is a comment asking for me to give
some book recommendations or to talk
about some of the books that I've been
reading recently and so I finally got
around to making a video about it I put
it on my second channel and links of
course will be available in the
description or as a clickable annotation
at the end of the video so go over check
it out maybe even subscribe you might
like it but in the meantime I have been
Alex Jay O'Connor or cosmic skeptic
don't forget to subscribe thank you for
watching and I will see you in the next
one