All of Seinfeld's characters had their moments being terrible, but no one topped George Costanza
when it came to bad behaviors.
Over the course of the show's nine seasons, George schemed, plotted, and schmoozed his
way into — and out of — all kinds of nasty situations.
"I'm disturbed.
I'm depressed.
I'm inadequate.
I got it all!"
And while Seinfeld might have been "a show about nothing," George's actions had some
pretty major consequences from time to time.
Here's a look at some of the worst things he ever did.
Dishonoring the deceased
Even though he desperately wanted to get out of his impending marriage to Susan, George
didn't kill his fiancee.
It was the toxic glue from the wedding invitation envelopes that he picked out that took her
down.
That's bad enough...but George's reaction to learning of Susan's demise is pretty gross,
even for him.
"She expired."
"Are you sure?"
And years later, his doctor recalled his reaction as...less than remorseful.
"I would describe it as 'restrained jubilation.'"
In fact, his first real order of business is to call up Marisa Tomei, whom he's already
tried to cheat on Susan with, and announce his new availability.
"I've got the funeral tomorrow, but um... my weekend is pretty wide open."
Faking a handicap
George often had trouble landing and keeping jobs, so when the opportunity to work at a
company called Play Now came along, he didn't mind using a little fraudulence to secure
the gig.
See, George had been temporarily injured from a slip and fall, so he'd been using a cane
for walking support.
When he shows up to the interview but is clearly the lesser qualified candidate, the execs
take pity on him and offer him the job … and his own handicap-accessible bathroom.
Because they think the cane means he's actually disabled.
Soon, he's taking a custom lift instead of the stairs, and fellow employees even carry
him to his office.
And after he sprains his good leg, Play Now offers a motorized cart, which he eagerly
accepts.
Eventually, all the lying catches up to him because when he finds himself on the wrong
end of a motorized cart chase, he has to leap to his feet to run away and blows his own
cover.
Out of the way
George was always pretty lousy to his significant others, but in Season 5's "The Fire," his
awfulness reaches his ladyfriend's family, too.
In the episode, he's dating a woman named Robin whose son is having a birthday party.
Obviously, George takes the opportunity to pick a fight with the birthday clown over
his knowledge of circus icon history.
"Alright go fold your little balloon animals, Eric.
Eric.
Haha!
What kind of name is that for a clown, eh?"
But that's just where he starts.
After a small fire breaks out in the kitchen, George totally freaks out and sends everyone
into a panic by yelling "Fire."
As he bolts for the door, he shoves everyone out of his way — including little kids and
Robin's elderly mother.
"It was an inferno in there!
An inferno!"
"There he is, that's him!"
"That's the coward that left us to die!"
Naturally, Robin dumps George.
He does try to defend himself by saying he was just making sure the exit was clear — which
convinces exactly zero people.
"How do you live with yourself?"
"It's not easy."
Tugging the IV
When George meets Danielle, a woman who's way out of his league but claims to have a
boyfriend who looks just like him, only less fit, George becomes obsessed.
Not just with Danielle, but with getting a glimpse of her boyfriend Neil.
Thanks to a subplot involving Kramer and explosive crepes, when George does finally see Neil,
his face is all bandaged up.
Danielle has decided to stay with Neil on account of his injuries.
"I win."
Since he doesn't get the girl or a good glimpse at his look-alike, he decides to punish Neil
— by removing his IV drip on the way out of the hospital.
Real nice.
Faking a charity
George isn't just a self-righteous creep.
He's also a notorious cheapskate, and his miserliness gets him in trouble in the season
nine episode "The Strike."
As the holidays roll in, George decides that instead of giving actual presents, he'll hand
out cards letting his co-workers know who he's made a donation in their name to:
"The Human Fund: Money for people."
That might seem nice, but…
"A donation has been made in your name to The Human Fund.
What is that?"
"Made it up."
It isn't a real charity, but it is a great way for George to get credit for gift-giving
without having to pay a cent.
Of course, like most of George's schemes, it backfires.
When his boss tries to make a donation to the Human Fund, he learns the charity is fraudulent,
and George has to cover by bringing his superior to the Costanza family's annual Festivus celebration.
But amazingly, George's terrible fictional thriftiness did have a real-world impact.
After the episode, an actual organization called the Human Fund launched to do all the
good works George said they would.
"It's a Festivus miracle!"
Thanks for watching!
Click the Looper icon to subscribe to our YouTube channel.
Plus check out all this cool stuff we know you'll love, too!