- [Amanda] Do you ever feel
like you don't fit in with your own family?
Do you feel constantly ignored or criticized?
You might be the family scapegoat,
it means that your own family
uses you to unload their own frustration and anger.
Are you constantly blamed for mistakes?
Some of which aren't even yours,
do they call you names and talk bad about you to others?
Being the family scapegoat
can really affect your behavior and way of thinking.
It can make you think less of yourself
and get lost in hatred for your family.
So if you want to know healthy methods to cope with it
and possible reasons why your family does this,
keep watching.
Number one, they treat you like a metaphorical punching bag.
Do you get blamed for a lot of things,
even the ones that aren't your fault?
Let's say your parent just got home in a bad mood,
and they're often yelling at you
or scolding you for things that are unnecessary,
being in a dysfunctional environment like this
can certainly take a toll
on your physical and mental health.
That's why if you find that
you're currently stuck in this situation,
don't hesitate to ask for help,
keep in touch with supportive friends
or distant relatives and let them know how you're doing.
It's not good to keep everything inside or harbor grudges.
Number two, they talk bad about you to other people.
Have you ever had a family member
bad mouth you in front of friends or guests?
It certainly doesn't feel great,
and chances are the words
still ring clear in your head until now.
This situation usually happens
when you're raised by narcissistic parents,
because they want you to appear perfect to other people
and they'll distance themselves
from things that may disrupt that illusion.
But think of it this way, it's a way of them saying,
well, I don't know why they're like that,
all I know is that it's not related to me.
They may bring you down just to lift themselves up.
They can really make you feel bad about yourself,
but please remember that it's never true
and it's in no way your fault.
Remember to talk about your feelings
to those who really care and try to engage in activities
that make you feel good about yourself.
Most of the time, their own actions
are a reflection of their internal battles.
Number three, they put a damper on your achievements.
Do you have times when you just
really wanna be recognized by your own family?
If you often have those kind of thoughts,
it probably means that you aren't being appreciated enough.
You probably think, well, I'm not doing well enough,
I should do more,
or maybe they won't recognize me no matter what I do,
might as well, just not do anything.
All those things are not true.
You don't have to do something big
to get the recognition you deserve,
each human leads different lives
and is capable of totally different things.
Everyone goes at a different pace.
So take this as a reminder
to tell yourself that you are doing great.
You may think that what you're doing is insignificant,
but another person is looking up to you
somewhere in this world.
So whenever you notice that your own family
tends to downplay your attainments,
take it as a probable mark of their own insecurity.
Perhaps they set super high standards for themselves
and other people, perhaps they're in pain
and putting you down makes them feel better.
It doesn't excuse their actions,
but it does give insight into their perspective.
Number four, they project their own mistakes onto you.
Have you ever had a family member yell at you
for an error they personally made?
Most of the time these things happen
because they're angry or irritated
and you are within the firing range of their emotions.
They don't know how to cope with the sudden burst of anger
so they let it out using detrimental means.
Try to keep in mind that whenever this happens,
it's best to let them cool off,
let some distance between you two
and be careful not to engage with them in their state,
fighting won't solve the problem.
A family member may also act this way
because they're not comfortable
with a certain aspect of you.
They feel inclined to blame
everything on you out of prejudice.
You are not the problem here.
First accept that what they're saying about you is not true,
you are a wonderful person.
Next, understand that every person
faces battles of their own.
After you've learned to accept yourself,
it's likely time to accept
that your family members are flawed people too.
How they treat you says more about them than about you.
Number five, they blatantly ignore you.
Do you ever notice your family members
going out of their way to pretend you don't exist?
Perhaps they don't invite you to dinners
or ask for your opinions on matters,
whatever it is they're outright blocking you out.
Family members do this for a number of reasons.
One is that they know they've done something wrong to you
and want to avoid possible confrontation,
another is that they're afraid
you'll talk about their abusive behavior
to people outside of the household.
They might see something in you
that they don't like to look at.
Basically anything that triggers their own insecurity
or discriminatory tendencies.
It's really important to remember that
just because your family avoids you
doesn't mean you're not worthy of any attention at all.
Sometimes it's good to reach out
to an external support system.
Let yourself enjoy life with people who love you
and make you feel seen.
And number six, they treat you differently from others.
Are you always being compared to a sibling or a cousin?
Enforcing ranks or hierarchy systems on family members
is toxic for everyone involved.
For example, as a scapegoat,
you are often being talked down to
in order to make the golden child shine.
Being continuously subjected
to that sort of environment can hurt you,
damage your self esteem and at the same time,
cause unnecessary pressure for the other family member too.
They probably have thoughts like I have to do better,
I have to do more, I should never make a mistake.
They become scared to make mistakes
while you feel discouraged to take on challenges.
All it breeds is unhealthy competition,
contempt and toxic perfectionism.
Most of the time, these situations
stem from narcissistic parenthood.
Because of their need to seem perfect
and have a perfect family,
they push their children to be more
without noticing that they're past their breaking point.
Have you ever noticed that you are too competitive
or perhaps that you don't even bother to compete at all?
Your current behavior is usually heavily influenced
by how you were treated as a child,
but the important thing is that you're here now
and you're doing great.
Do you think you are the family scapegoat?
Why, which points do you relate to the most?
There are many reasons why family members
would treat you this way.
Mental conditions, insecurities
and discriminatory tendencies are just some,
it doesn't excuse their behavior,
but it helps to get an insight into the root cause,
try not to combat hate with hate,
there are times when it's quite difficult
to be the bigger person and move on,
but try to accept their hurtful behavior
as a sign of their own pain and let it go.
That doesn't mean you have to forgive them,
but it also doesn't mean that you need
to constantly be tied down by their actions
or your own anger.
Share your experiences in the comments down below.
If you know someone who might gain something from this,
please don't hesitate to send it to them.
As always all references used are in the description below.
See you next time.