Recently James was having dinner with some friends from Telltale, and they started to discuss romance in games.
Not sex. Romance, and love. Out of this discussion came some really interesting questions about how we approach
portraying romance or love in a game.
And it was super interesting and something that we thought would make a perfect episode. So let's start with a question:
Which stage of relationships do games usually address or explore? Ponder that one for a second.
It's something I've never really thought about, but it's sort of revelatory when you consider it, because, yeah, games almost
exclusively focus on the "falling in love, starting a relationship"
part of the romance. I can't actually think of that many games that deal with maintaining a relationship,
that let us play through the struggles that come after that initial excitement and wonder has changed into something more subdued but perhaps even more
powerful, and games rarely let us wrestle with that heartbreaking time where everything is coming apart.
Why is this?
One part of this is a matter of
agency: as players we tend to want control
over our characters and their actions. It can feel strange as a player to be thrown into a relationship with a character that you didn't
choose. What if you, the player, don't like that person?
What if they're not the kind of person you'd really want to be with? That
itself is actually a vital part of the human experience that I'd love to see a game explore,
but it's terrifying from a design perspective. Many of us have been in a relationship before that's gone on too long.
Many of us have had to struggle with the guilt of having feelings for someone other than the person
we're with. Many of us have also had that moment where we realize we're with the person
we're with because it's comfortable, rather than because we share an all-consuming love. But it's hard to make these
experiences something that a player would want to explore. I mean, these scenarios aren't fun experiences:
they're tragic, and they're heartbreaking but even in that capacity they don't come with the immediate catharsis of a breakup.
They're more subdued than the heart-rending sense of loss that comes right at the end of a relationship,
thus they require a certain bravery and trust from the player, and a willingness to say "I'm not playing this for escapism.
I'm playing this to learn more about who I am,"
which is not something we often get to assume as we design games, and on top of that issue of agency and player
receptiveness is that, in some ways, these other relationship phases require more complex and subtler storylines to portray.
They're just more nuanced than the emotional high of the "falling in love" moment. Addressing these other aspects of a relationship
relies on a level of narrative delivery and emotional expressiveness that we've rarely delivered on in games.
Attempting these things is a risk, and it could completely tank an experience if executed poorly. And finally, being in a relationship is exciting!
There's hope and fear and joy all
mixed together as you try and find out whether that other person feels about you the same way you feel about them.
It's easy for a game designer to use that. I mean here,
what's one of the peaks on the interest curve of almost any game that involves romance? That moment where the other person says "Yes." That
feeling is hardwired into our DNA and trained into us socially. This is a type of fulfillment
that's easy to use when building out a game.
It does surprise me a bit, though, that we haven't spent more time exploring the immediate tragedy of a relationship coming apart,
but perhaps that may simply be because
to create that experience in a way that'll have real impact, the player has to believe in and care about the characters'
relationship in the first place, and in many games, by the time the characters are even in a relationship,
we're nearing the end of the experience. I think this is where we'll see the next breakthrough.
I think before we see a game about the struggles of being in a relationship,
we'll see a game that really delivers on the tragedy and loss of something coming to an end in a way that really makes you
feel it. But besides the phases of relationships,
I wanted to talk about two other interesting aspects of how we deal with relationships in games. First
I want to address the fact that nearly 100% of the time, the player is the one to Initiate the relationship.
NPCs almost never make the first move or ask the character out. This gives the player total and frankly unrealistic control over their
romantic world because it reduces everything to having the player choose which prize they want. It makes the dynamic
entirely one-sided in a way that seems at times unhealthy. Now I understand
why this is. It might feel strange to receive an unwanted advance from an NPC in a game and to have to turn them down.
But I think this could be an incredibly compelling moment,
no matter how uncomfortable. It also offers an opportunity to deliver a level of character development that we rarely see.
What happens to that person who you said no to, who you still have to work with? Who your life might even depend on?
Do they take it with quiet stoicism, simply wanting the best for you?
Do they think that they might still have a chance if they just be heroic enough, if they could just be bold enough, if they
could just save your life or fight hard enough for you, they might win you over?
Or are they spiteful? Do they resent it? Or
What about the flip side of this? Have you ever noticed how rarely you as a player get shot down in a game?
When was the last time you were able to
initiate a romance in a game just to have the NPC say "No"? To tell you that they think of you more as a
party member? Now
I understand that that takes away from the
empowerment and the fantasy we're trying to deliver on, and that's why we never do it,
but the way we have been doing it reduces romance to an objective in some ways.
It's reduced to a goal or a victory condition rather than a meaningful and natural process. This reduction, this lack of mutual
empowerment and mutual
responsibility, this distilling down the complex process of mutually falling in love to a one-sided goal keeps it from having that powerful
emotional impact that romance and games could. So, in the end,
it's interesting to think about how much of the human experience of relationships, romance, and love we've left almost totally unaddressed in games.
Being in a relationship, rather than starting one, living through a breakup, getting shot down, or having to turn down an endearing but
unwanted offer. These are all aspects of life and love that we've barely touched on in games,
and you know, it kind of makes me smile because romance and games, even to the limited degree
we've explored it, can be a powerful thing. In the years to come, as we do explore all of this uncharted
territory, how much more meaningful will romance in games be? How much more compelling will games themselves
become as we become comfortable delving into all the aspects of this amazing part of being human? It's kind of exciting.
See you guys next week!
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