find that dress and a slightly bigger
size and own it cuz it's so great than
this cute well this is my second time on
the show the first time on the show I
went out and bought a fancy dress for
you yeah this is happy this is no this
was 42 dollars on the Internet I just
like a psychic and Santa Fe going
through a divorce I love it you're
pulling it off cute right Jenna versus I
love it
hey you go on the road quite a bit do
ever visit any national park you know
what I don't because I don't exercise
yeah cuz I hurt myself I rolled my ankle
at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and
everyone was like you're not allowed to
do anything active anymore my health
insurance is just not good enough do you
like being on the road of touring I love
love love touring but I'm terrible at
logistics I'm bad at math like we're
artists and then we're expected to be
good at math well I have to sometimes
post on social media where I'm going and
I mess up the dates like I'm going to
Miami right and I'm posting like 22
cities and I'm like I can't wait to come
to Miami can't wait to come to Miami it
sounds like we can't find the tickets
I'm like I don't know what's going on I
find out I'm going to Miami Oklahoma
there's a Miami Oklahoma where's well
it's pronounced Miami it's not Miami
it's Miami national parks Caillou do you
know what a national orange guy
Miami Oklahoma and ok I'm going to Miami
right but in the email they kept writing
Miami ok ok
Oh like ok ok ok yeah and then it's ok
is Oklahoma oh my gosh so I just I can't
be trusted to like do my own I'm gonna
go I am gonna go to Miami Florida at
some point I love God you do you perform
in Miami yeah it's the best they party
fine audience a party it doesn't matter
how much you suck they're still like
drunks I'm just having such a good time
I am II a lot of times people want to
come and film shows now and with
stand-up it's a little tricky cuz you're
like I don't want this to go on YouTube
before I shoot a special and there were
these girls that were filming during the
show and I didn't want them to post it
and someone to take it down and I was
like you know what girls can you maybe
stop filming we could take pictures
together at the end and they looked at
me going oh we're not we're not filming
you we're filming ourselves well thanks
for paying attention
I don't care people film wherever but
it's not like can we just be present no
like in the moment and it's great for
you to put it down nothing will happen I
don't know in this day and age political
something might happen it's just I don't
know people are crazy but what do people
say to you like fans you puppies you
tour I feel very lucky because I do
stand-up I share a lot of like sort of
my personal stuff I I do podcasts so a
lot of people know a lot about me so
people feel very comfortable coming up
to me in public and like sharing
intimate details about themselves
because I've done it and and people will
just come up to me in airports and
they'll be like I have two kids and I
like one better than the other one
because I share so much intimate stuff
about my life I think people feel like
they should share with me one woman was
like sometimes I hide in my car down the
street so I don't have to see my kids
you know okay that one I understand
she's like I pretend I'm running here
and said I just hide in my car I'm like
Oh mommy's gonna go to the bathroom like
40 minutes later I have not been in the
bathroom napping on the toilet lay down
so I did not know this the last time you
were here but I heard that you have done
an impression of me I can't believe I'm
even telling you this when I first I
want to hear I don't want to tell you
this remember the show MADtv yes when I
first moved to Los Angeles I auditioned
for MADtv and I don't do characters I
don't do impressions
but I loved your music video for since
you've been gone me too
where you were just like freaking out
for three but I got to break things all
day and got paid for it and so I was
like I'm just gonna do a bunch of Kelly
Clarkson and I went in the audition room
and I just like started throwing stuff
around and smashing stuff and like
screaming and going nuts and I did not
get the job
shocking I just took a bunch of adderall
and just went crazy basically and
looking back now you know when you look
back at things you did in your early 20s
and I like I can't believe they didn't
call the police yeah are you any better
at auditions now no no not great I just
I start getting sweaty like I get too
anxious at auditions oh you're so great
though yeah okay well I agree
[Laughter]
when you go on a road do you take
anything cuz I do do you take anything
special in the road when I'm on the road
I am NOT a game on the road I pack I
bring my own microphone on the road your
own microfiber a microphone with me so
I'm not sharing like a microphone with
300 Road comics I'm submitting weird
nasty you know I never thought about
that you've gotta bring your life do you
that like radio shows on all the artists
get up there I have to share mic that's
disgusting there's gold like there's
like old lipstick on it and just nasty
chin beard people take care of me and I
don't have their mind okay that's great
did you take anything else but you do
have to be careful in the airport when a
microphone goes through TSA a lot of
times they don't know it's a microphone
so you really have to stop not vibrate
the microphone I swear that's your
problem
Mark Cuban so I hear you love Nashville
you love stopping and I'm obsessed with
Nashville I'm gonna be on national on
the tour I love going to Nashville
because of the vintage short stores yes
they have the best vintage shopping but
I think I might stop doing it cuz last
time I went I got this like awesome
denim jacket it had all these like
patches on it and pins and I wore it all
the time on Instagram like I have a
horse and you know I ride my horse in
this jacket and I loved it so much and I
got this DM one day from this guy who
was like hey my ex got mad at me and
sold a bunch of my stuff to a vintage
store
I know that's awesome how am I not
thought of that
that is amazing
your your trashing your stuff plus
making progress this woman is an
entrepreneur and she sounds awesome and
seriously can I have it back and I was
like yeah I guess I said it back did you
tell him for this amount of money I'm
sorry she's a turd
so that and then the other thing about
going to the South is I'm still trying
to figure out like what everything means
and you can probably help me with the
southern colloquialisms yes
what does bless your heart mean doesn't
it means you're stupid
well writers there's like it's it
depends on the tone yeah well you're
saying it too okay so when I go to the
South they'll ask me where I'm from and
I'm like I live in LA and they're like I
[Laughter]
[Applause]
[Laughter]
[Applause]
am of being Shady
yes but doesn't it sounds nice like it's
like British people cursing you out it's
rude but I like it yeah yeah and then I
learned the hard way that when a woman
set in the South says she's fixing to
pitch a fit I'm fixing a pitch a pitch
get out of there get out of there yep
and grab anything that belongs to you
because she'll sell it to
[Laughter]
[Applause]
and then also it's is tea sweet already
[Applause]
know what you got it if you want tea
that's sweet you just say I'd like some
tea
well what if you don't want sweet tea no
my husband's I'm you know what though
I'm different look I don't really do
sweet tea anymore oh yeah I just fell in
love with hot tea okay all my southern
French just his own to me but I'm still
a mighty so you have thoughts on
Valentine's Day here
well yes Valentine's Day it's coming up
very soon yes and I feel like every year
guys screw it up looking at you not the
park guy not the park guy so I have some
ideas for guys that are watching the
show that wants some advice so I'm gonna
who where am I looking
oh my god oh I'm gonna look into here
the guy up there I'm looking at you if
you're buying
[Applause]
no I warned you no one warned you all
the sudden my band I just really want to
be a part you know they just start
playing we were playing music under your
PSA oh geez okay
alright oh I'm sweating look I'm
sweating now for the guys you ready go T
in the back you ready all right if
you're buying way it is a gift for
Valentine's Day get a gift card
I know it's impersonal get a gift card I
promise you I promise you I promise you
it will be less of a fight than buying
something in the wrong size if you are
buying something for your girlfriend of
two or more years and decide to buy her
jewelry that's not an engagement ring I
suggest you give her that jewelry box
wearing a helmet because you're about to
get concussed sir that's God speech
[Applause]
two years wear a helmet could she go on
beaches after two years or like here's a
necklace out of here
out of here you take that bless your
heart I will not stop talking until you
subscribe to my youtube channel that's
right and I could talk a lot seriously
not gonna stop yep still here not going
anywhere I see you don't walk away from
this