I'm going to be breaking that down for you in this video and
actually count that pertains to you as well in this video.
So, stay tuned.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm an attorney, a narcissist negotiation expert and an author.
In these videos, on this channel, I give you tips and tricks
for negotiating, not just in the boardroom,
or for a car, for a pay raise,
but also how to negotiate your best life.
If that sounds good to you and you want more of that,
feel free to subscribe and hit that notification bell.
Okay, so let's talk about the one thing
that hurt Katy Perry the most in her divorce and
also how to heal those deep wounds and
what really was the worst thing for her and
and how it might pertain to you in your life.
First of all, let's talk about Katy Perry and
what happened with her and Russell Brand.
Some of you may recall that she was married
to Russell Brand who, by the way I think is brilliant.
If you haven't checked him out or read any of his books,
he really is brilliant and a smart funny guy and
she was married to him for kind of a short time,
but, the way that he apparently divorced
or told her he wanted to divorce her, was not so great.
She was on tour, backstage, during one of her shows and
while all of that was happening,
she gets a text message from him, which says,
I want to divorce you.
I think they had been married for 14 months
or something and in the middle of all of that,
he says “I want to divorce you” and she literally was
like devastated, completely devastated and like flattened, and
I think that, yeah, that obviously hurt her and
she says that she was extremely eating Flamin Hot Cheetos,
drinking, and the pain was super extreme.
She talks about that she felt like she was kicked in the head.
She was at a huge low and she was thinking about
not leaving her bedroom or something, forever.
I think that honestly,
the thing that hurt her the most was probably,
I think it was the embarrassment of it.
Of course, and obviously everybody knew,
not just people, or whatever but,
like the world kind of knew, I mean,
she was really big at that point.
She had a lot of hits, she was pretty famous,
she was very, very much in love with him and
she was extremely devastated.
But, I think part of the thing that
hurt her the most, frankly, was the lack of closure.
That's one of the things that I want to talk about today
because with narcissists you just do not get closure and
that's one of the things that I think
is the hardest thing to deal with
is that you just do not get that closure with them and
I have talked about that on some
of my other videos as well but
on this particular video,
what I want to talk about mostly though
is how you can really become kind of
self-destructive sometimes when
it comes to narcissists and that lack of closure,
because it can drive you absolutely crazy sometimes.
I mean, I know for me, I haven't had to deal with
a narcissist in a romantic situation
but I did have to deal with it in a business situation and
also in a family situation and you want
to have these conversations with them,
you want to go back and say to them,
“How could you have said this?” or
“How could you have thought this?” or
“How could you do this?”
You want to be able to get them to think this or
be something in a certain way,
it's a very, very destructive type of a path and
so you do end up having to make a choice between
whether it's going to end up being a
nurture yourself situation, or a destroy yourself situation,
because you don't end up getting to have that closure, and
that is something that Katy Perry actually ended up
saying apparently in one of the interviews,
I have more on this in a video that I have called
“Self-care to cope with narcissists”
you can check that out if you'd like,
but the reason why I wanted to bring this up is
because I know for a lot of you out there,
you are dealing with this and I think it is one
of the hardest things to deal with narcissists is
realizing that you're not going to have that closure and
I actually find that sometimes in negotiations as well is
that you'll get an offer from them and
you want to talk it through with them and
you want to say, “Hey, how come you sent this over?”
Or “How come you're only taking parts of the deal?
You're holding me to the parts that
you like and not the other parts” and
you get lulled into thinking that
you might be able to have a reasonable conversation
with them, and you can't.
I actually just was talking to
one of my one-on-one clients, just this past week and
she spent the entire conversation with me,
telling me how horrible this person was and
how destructive she was and
how her seven-year-old daughter was saying
how awful this guy was and how toxic,
like even her seven-year-old realized how toxic the guy was, and
yet there she was like still thinking,
maybe she might be able to get him
to see something in a certain way
or maybe she might be able to get him
to come around to a certain way of thinking and
have that kind of closure with him.
It's just sometimes really, really hard to think
that you're not going to ever get that closure
but you just can't because you just have to realize
that they're not healthy people and
their brains just don't operate the same way your brains do.
So, looking at things, the way Katy Perry did and
I'm not saying that Russell Brand is a narcissist
or he's not a narcissist, because I don't know,
but I'm saying that in her particular situation,
it appears that she wasn't able to get the closure.
It appears that she wasn't able to end up
going back to having that conversation with him and
she started down a path of complete self-destruction and
Who was it hurting?
This is a great example of ‘Who was it hurting?’
Was it hurting him?
Well, probably not.
I mean, he was off doing whatever he was doing,
while she's laying on the bathroom floor,
drinking and eating Flamin Hot Cheetos, and
she was the one who had to get herself up
off the bathroom floor, start eating healthy and
doing the things that she needed to do, right?
I'm suggesting this to you because
you need to take care of yourself and
do the things that you need to do to start
healing in the way that would be best for you,
such as, maybe starting to do a gratitude journal and
that is one of the best ways that has helped me
actually really heal is starting to keep a gratitude journal,
starting to write down things that
I'm thankful for, every single morning,
actually, we started doing it well, after
I interviewed Bob Proctor earlier this year, he told me to
write down 10 things I was grateful for every single morning and
I started doing it every day and I still do it and
even if I only have time to just write one word,
I still do it because it just reminds me that
there are always things to be grateful for,
even if things are chaotic and hectic and
even if it’s food, air, whatever it is
a house to live in, a place to sit, family, friends,
there are always things that you can be grateful for.
So, gratitude is a way that you can immediately center yourself,
you can immediately feel a little bit better.
So, even though you're not going to get closure,
it's definitely a way that you can
just start to breathe a little bit.
You start to realize that you can,
you just start feeling a little bit better right away.
So, for those of you who just need to start
to center yourself a little bit and
start to feel some gratitude,
or write what you're grateful for in the comments below,
something that you're thankful for, okay?
Thanks so much for watching.
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If you'd like to grab “Crush my negotiation” worksheet,
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you are welcome to do that
at winmynegotiation.com.
You are also welcome to join me
in my free support group which is
“Narcissists Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
You are welcome to join me in there as well.
I’d love to have you in there.
Thank you so much for joining me here today.
I will see you guys in the next video.
Thanks so much for joining me.