what's up i am currently eating my
cereal on a saturday morning in front of
my pc
with the blinds closed
real gamer hours here and i thought i'd
just do something casual so no one come
for my hair or my outfit okay this is a
casual safe space
you can lock your phone and look at the
reflection of your under chin angle
before you post something about me all
right would you like the minimal
matching bow and spoon by the way
no color in dan's life oh and uh home
interior league yeah this is the office
where i sit in front of a screen
frantically typing stressful emails or
editing videos videos video
plural yeah right dan or playing games
until 3am oh look what i got one of
these bad boys look at this absolute
round lad with the flat could this do
anything wrong this is the perfect
physical object this is my emotional
support sphere in every sense how can
anything go wrong in your life when
you've got this keeping your company
kind of got a whole moon theme got a big
mirror over there rug
seal
what is the lighting vibe that we're
going for is it going to be warmer a bit
softer though oh i look like i'm in june
right now
or really car now i'm on the moon yeah
okay could turn up really oh no jesus
like i'm in heaven which will literally
never happen
yeah that's it the dank basement
dwelling experience that has the
authentic dan lighting i asked on insta
if you guys have any questions about my
tour and you did thank god because that
would have been [ __ ] embarrassing so
i'm just gonna dive right in and ruin my
weekend
and we have one from phil who said
okay doomer i mean
yeah this is why i'm leaving you at home
hi dan i have no questions about tour
thank you very much how much existential
dread will i feel
yes how black should my outfit be yes
not a question i got tickets to go with
the crush i have on
this is so i'm going to say right now
this tour with me it's a great place to
go with your crush the vibes are going
to be immaculate it's going to be sexy
and now that i have seen your face i'm
going to see you in the audience and go
and then they'll know what's going to
happen marriage
i'm gonna get ordained and then i'm
actually gonna marry you in the audience
and you don't know about it until it's
happening place you haven't been before
that you're excited about we're actually
ending the show in iceland which i think
is quite
um bold of me to assume that there will
still be ice in 2023 it might just be
land
unless it's all just sea by then i guess
we'll see yeah apparently i'm very
intelligently going to australia during
the summer and iceland in the depths of
winter so i will be murdered by uh heat
spiders or falling down some kind of
snow ravine so all the people that will
be braving natural forces to come see me
i appreciate it will there be merch yes
there will be and spoiler it will mostly
be black
i think it's gonna look good it's
exciting the aesthetic is incredibly
strong not about the torch seriously
where are the flowers from behind you oh
i did a delivery to get uh some crunchy
nut granola and oatly barista milk but
that wasn't enough to fill the minimum
spin so i just got a bouquet of roses
for myself see this is me going soft
when i'm getting older ordering roses
oatmeal must-have for your dressing room
i mean people
honestly have these really bougie riders
they're like if i don't see
bottles of champagne drugs strippers i'm
not going on that stage my rider for
every single show is literally i just
want a load of liquid and a bunch of
bananas
which look when now that i say that why
why do you need all this liquid dan what
do you do with bananas i'm trying to
stay healthy and hydrated so i can give
good performances and be there for you
on this tour okay and the bananas are
for energy
nutritional energy not sexual i'm okay
moving on will there be gay sex on stage
i mean not on stage because i'll get
arrested but um
i might talk about it the pre-show
playlist yes i've already started
curating the pre-show playlist and it is
gonna be non-stop bangers from start to
finish i'm gonna be taking everyone on a
whole emotional journey i'm gonna be
expressing myself
the theme of the show i'm more excited
to put the playlist together than i am
to actually do the show yeah can you
give any emoji spoilers sure um
here you go
make of that what you will excite to be
on the road after two weird years yeah
uh they were a weird couple years can we
all just agree that the last two years
just didn't happen and just not not
count them i want to be 29 again proud
interaction if so is it voluntary
because i'm very anxious
mate
who are you talking to as if
i made a whole ass video about this as
if i would ever
involuntary
for someone to do audience participation
no do not worry me you are always safe i
will never make you feel uncomfortable
you can just sink back into the darkness
and have a good time why are you wearing
a hospital gown right right i told you
this was a casual safe space okay this
shirt i actually accidentally stole from
a spa
in tokyo
but it's literally the most comfortable
thing i've ever worn in my entire life
guys it's saturday i'm here with my
breakfast spoon let me live just jealous
i can tell i mean look at this look at
the comfort oh look at the airiness you
wish you were wearing a funeral hospital
gown yeah chloe no one is too old when
we're all [ __ ] old think about when
you first started watching youtube i
think about how old you are now yeah
okay that's all of us so no this is
basically gonna be old age pensioner
internet remember that we have this
weird emo
[ __ ] nerdy youtube face thing and
here we all are half of us gay now is it
family friendly um i mean if you'd watch
my videos with your family
i guess yes but if you're afraid of
pulling the headphones out accidentally
i'm going to say absolutely not
here we go you're looking forward to
feeling like you have a purpose every
day again that is literally the main
reason why i'm going on a tour again i
want to wake up i know that my purpose
is to get on that stage make people
laugh and then go to bed and not ask any
questions
comedy about the inevitable death of
humanity and other segments by dan
howell yup um
that's basically do you want to direct
the show do you like jokes about death
and gay [ __ ] come see dan we were just
gonna simultaneously scream into the
void for a hot minute uh maybe like a
hot evening yeah are you straight
yeah
can you tell can i bring my grandma i
don't think she's ever cursed in her
life 72 years
um i mean you can bring your grandma
i hate to break a streak anything should
have a warning for our eyes our sanity
yeah already got my tics can't wait to
meet your sunglasses emoji i'm gonna be
real there's something incredibly
sinister about that sunglasses emoji i
have no idea what your intentions are
yet security is going to have page on
the list what's the lighting scheme
looking like oh it is going to be
apocalyptic rapture vibes but minimal
striking
extremely edgy you know i'm going to
live will it be political say yes
yes you screenshot my four-year-old look
anything you guys put out there is fair
game if hello internet is still fair
game for me none of you are safe just
know you're a screenshot away from being
exposed will there be bees to be
released yeah i'm gonna do this whole 75
minute interpretive dance mime act about
colony collapse disorder and at the end
i just open a box and then just release
a swarm of killer bees into the audience
that's what you deserve monologuing
stand up setting yourself on fire i mean
yeah i did do setting myself on fire
that one time though and that was uh
legitimately quite terrifying so maybe
not doing that for like 70 shows why
aren't the website let me buy tickets
hello customer service um i would check
out the venue website because every
theater always has their own allocation
of tickets so just go to the website see
what city i'm coming to and then check
out the theater because i'm sure they'll
be able to do what is the pre-show
hangout basically when i'm doing the
sound check after the meet and greet i'm
just going to come onto the stage kind
of like this vibe answer some questions
just hang out i'm not going to spoil the
whole experience but i am actually
looking forward to it will meet and
greets work normally because it covered
i mean touch something wouldn't i say
reaching under the desk off camera
look we all deserve for things to get
better we need a break after the last
couple years different places have
different rules and we'll see what it's
like closer to the time but i hope it's
nice and normal i think we've all
learned to not take things for granted
though so if you want to come see me if
i want to come see any of you guys let's
appreciate it while it happens because
who knows
what will never happen again someone
should make a show about that
i don't have an answer for that is there
something else i can help with they're
not [ __ ] asking you siri
i don't know how to respond to that this
little q a is the official prequel to
the trailer where that giant terminator
home assistant speaker comes to murder
you better be nice to these alexas okay
which i just said triggering your
lecture in the room because they are
listening they are writing down names
and if you're not saying please and
thank you hey siri
i love and appreciate you
sorry i didn't understand that [ __ ] it's
too late for me i'm already on the
termination list give only the punchline
of one joke it'll be like a little
teaser
anyway so that is what the book of
revelations has in common with my
[ __ ] and communism
will i leave laughing crying or
constantly rethinking things yes what is
the funny sad ratio that's a good
question i want this to be a funny show
right we're here to have a good time the
point is to laugh and to leave feeling
good that being said a lot of the funny
is inevitably grounded on a place of
immense sadness that's just how things
work hey if you take something that you
think is sad or find a way to make it
funny you'll be feeling good about
everything are there handcuffs involved
i'm asking for okay another one for the
security list city other than amsterdam
maybe visit cockstrop
but you're telling me that there's a
town called cockstrop and i'm not on
tour there x-rated show and [ __ ] drop
one night only
i mean i specifically remember the boys
in amsterdam were very attractive it's
quite refreshing for me to see someone
taller than me
so if anyone wants to drop a [ __ ] on me
and i'm
so how do you feel about leaving the
houseplant but i'm just gonna fully
accept that every single plant's gonna
be dead i mean look at that look at this
guy here look at this voluptuous
tree in the background i love that plant
when i come back stick will you be using
a tour [ __ ] um
i mean i was you did just ruin the
entire concept of vehicular transport
for me i guess i'm just going to walk
across america now is it secretly a
cover to try all the dips and sources in
the world unironically
yes
that is what i'm looking for what is
this new underage mustache look look oi
right this is what i'm working with okay
i know that one direction had their sexy
stubble i'm a man now phase when they
were like 19 10 years ago but this this
is as good as it gets so you want dan
grown-up mask error well hang around
until 2036. i don't know anyone plus i'm
awkward should i come i mean i'm just
going to assume that every single person
there is awkward but you should
absolutely come because this is the one
place where completely anonymous awkward
people will fit right in but seriously i
think everyone there is going to be
there for the same reason we're all
going to have something in common you
could just sit back by yourself and you
will feel like you're part of this whole
big thing or if you go on twitter and
insta and say what show you're going to
i bet there are loads of people that are
looking for
people to meet up with friends i get the
awkward part which i immensely relate to
but if everybody feels the same way
we're all friends so yes i really think
you'll have a good time really look like
a massive pornhub slash grinder and look
okay the venues and the promoters make
their own assets right they get access
to the photoshop files and the pictures
and
there might be a different taste level
from the official stuff that i'm putting
out here which is you know more like
what the merch is gonna be like but hey
don't you come for ethel and keith in
the local theater marketing department
trying to make their own posters right
they are trying their best
and they do not realize that it looks
like grinders stops
although if they want to sponsor the
tour we could get some kind of themed
segment going on
how big important is this show to you
for your creativity or career i mean
it's big that
really though if i'm saying there isn't
much time left for humanity if you've
got any epic life-changing masterpieces
you better do them now
because the end is nigh yeah no it's
definitely one of the most ambitious and
best things i think i'll have ever made
it's gonna be
seriously [ __ ] funny and epic which i
mean in the biblical sense not like
fortnight and now we have one from
comeslug420 who asks
p yup all right
well that's the last time i ever do an
insta q a it might just go back to being
inactive to be honest i think that's the
safe bet bye