What's up, party people? I'm Marie Forleo and for over 20 years I have been obsessed
with learning what it takes to turn dreams into reality. You know, I started my company
back in the day with no clue, no connections, no money, and over time grew it into something
spectacular. I created the award winning show MarieTV,
was named by Oprah as a thought leader for the next generation, and wrote the instant
number one New York Times bestseller Everything Is Figureoutable. I've helped millions of
people transform their businesses and lives, and guess what? Every week I'm going to help
you take action and make the difference you were born to make, but please do not expect
anything about this podcast to be traditional. We've got songs, weird sound effects, the
occasion F bombs, maybe some fart jokes, if you're lucky, and anything else that makes
me laugh. It's all fair game, because this is The Marie Forleo Podcast.
If you're finding it hard to feel inspired, or creative, or energized right now, guess
what? You are not alone. The emotional toll of this pandemic, man is it real, but there
are steps you can take to start feeling better. So, in this episode we're going to talk about
why it is vital to opt out of non-stop negative news and what to focus on instead. My case
today is backed up by a unique combination of brain science, Milli Vanilli, and good
old common sense. You're also going to hear from a special guest
who's an expert on the power of good news, Mr. Tank Sinatra. But first a word from today's
sponsor. I'm Marie Forleo and I quit writing boring
copy after I discovered nobody wants to read that shit. If you have problems writing in
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class at the copycure.com. That's the copycure.com. All right, here we go, people. First of all,
thank you so much. We are loving the voicemails that y’all have been sending. If you have
no idea what the hell I'm talking about just Google “leave Marie Forleo a voicemail”
and you will get the entire scoop. So, when we were listening to your voicemails
this week we noticed a recurring theme. There's a lot of people not feeling like themselves
these days, which makes a whole lot of sense given the fact we are in the midst of a global
pandemic. Right? Folks are feeling lethargic and unfocused,
and finding it harder and harder to just get things done. So, let's dive straight into
today's Hey Marie segment and talk about some steps we can all take to start feeling better
now. Hey Marie, this
is Susmitha from Bangalore, India and I love your podcast, and your book, and basically
everything about you. You are so freaking awesome and inspiring. Especially your energy.
My question for you is, during these times of uncertainty it's hard to feel very creative
or inspired or productive. So, even though technically we have more time
on our hands, it's not very easy to do stuff. Usually we get into the sense of blah. You
know? So, can you give me tips on how to get over that?
Susmitha, great question. You are not alone, my love, but more importantly these feelings
you're having are not your fault. In fact, outside of this global crisis there's another
more insidious reason you might be feeling especially blah and low energy these days.
And surprisingly Milli Vanilli has our answer. Seriously, though, right now most of us are
consuming a lot more news than usual. I mean, we're checking the headlines when we wake
up, maybe we're getting news alerts all day long, and then, let's be honest, we're probably
watching even more news at night. Make no mistake, there is a direct connection
between what you're watching, reading, and listening to all damn day, and how you feel.
Your energy levels, your mood, your ambition. Now, to understand how this all fits together,
let's look at the nature of both the news media and some simple neuroscience. For example,
did you know that there's a long standing adage in the news industry that goes like
this, "If it bleeds, it leads." I know it's a horrible statement, but it's
true. Now, what does it mean? It means that many newspapers, TV and cable networks use
fear and pain to hook our attention and keep us coming back for more.
So, that jolt of adrenaline and the negativity, as weird and strange as this is going to sound,
it can actually be addictive to our brains. Why is that? Because of something called negativity
bias. So, negativity bias is something I've talked
about many times before. It is the human tendency to pay more attention and give more weight
to negative experiences over positive or neutral ones.
This is not just some fancy pants psychological concept. This is real, people. Our brains
are literally wired to notice more of the bad stuff and pretty much ignore the good
stuff. It's evolutionary. We did, actually a whole MarieTV episode on
this if you just Google “Marie Forleo negativity bias,” you will find it. So watching the
news isn't just addictive, though, it's also terrible for your health.
Non-stop negativity weakens your immune system. Right? Increases anxiety, and guess what?
Ding, ding, ding. It reduces your ambition. So, what's the fix? What do we do about it?
Two simple steps. Step number one. Reduce your traditional news
consumption. And I'm talking no more than one serving per a day. So, here's how this
looks in my life. Right now, I'm going to be honest, I am obsessed with watching New
York governor Andrew Cuomo and his daily briefings. I love this guy.
Every single night I literally get out my popcorn, I sit my ass down on the couch and
I watch his updates on YouTube. Why do I do that? Well, he delivers the facts with precision
and empathy. He puts the data first, and then he tells us his opinion last. And he always
separates fact from his opinion. He's got a whole new PowerPoint slide on it. I love
it. He also says cool things like this. Like,
"Before you open your mouth why don't you go look in the mirror." I love him. Anyway.
Every single time I watch, no matter how bad, or terrible, or painful the facts are, I actually
leave feeling informed, and energized, and hopeful. It's so weird. It's like taking a
Xanax in the middle of this pandemic, but then getting really inspired and wanting to
change the world. It's awesome. I think it's a reflection of his leadership
and his communication style, and honestly I appreciate both. Now, look, before anybody
wants to come for me on this podcast thinking that I'm suggesting that you ignore the news,
or look past the suffering of others, or pretend this all isn't happening, I need you to calm
down. I am not suggesting that any of us turn a
blind eye to anything negative, nor am I suggesting that we close our hearts and not be aware
of the suffering of others. Do you know me? Have you paid attention to my work for any
amount of time? If not, you need to get yourself educated,
because look, there is a distinction here. There is nuance. There is a limit to how much
negative news any human being should be taking in each and every day. So, yes, you got to
be aware of the facts, yes, you got to know what's happening so you can help, but no,
you should not be watching non-stop negative news all day long and then feeling like crap.
I believe we have to take our pain and our hurt, and turn it into hope. And in order
to do that you have to have the energy to take productive action. So, back to you, Susmitha.
I want you to find a local news source that actually gives you the facts, and leaves you
feeling strong. Limit your intake of the facts to maybe, I don't know, five to 10 minutes
max and then just be done for the day. And once you do that, we are going to move onto
step number two. Increase your good news consumption and use
what I call the five-to-one rule. My author friend Rick Hanson taught me this one. Our
brains are like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones. Again, that
is negativity bias at work. So, some studies have shown that in relationships
it actually takes five positive interactions to make up for a single negative one. And
I think we should apply this five-to-one rule to our consumption of negative news. Don't
you think? I think. So, here's how it's going to work. From this
moment forward each time you choose to consume one bit of traditional news, seek out five
pieces of good news to counterbalance it. That's right. So, for every little bit of
negativity you allow into that beautiful mind of yours go find five positive, or inspiring,
or funny, or hopeful things that are happening. And here's an example to get you started.
So, there's this woman, right? Who lives alone and is completely isolated during this pandemic.
She's got no spouse, no kids, no pets, no one to be in quarantine with.
So, instead of feeling sorry for herself, or letting fear or negativity take over, guess
what? She decided to use what she had in her kitchen to make a difference to others.
So, she cooked up this big old tray of eggplant parm and she posted an update on Nextdoor,
which is this app here in the states that helps neighbors stay connected to each other.
And she said, "Look, I just made a big tray of eggplant parm, if you're hungry, if you
don't have food right now come by my front porch and get it."
And so, she left these individually wrapped portions on her front porch so people could
just safely come and get something to eat. And it was such a hit that she's been making
meals for her community every few days. So, check it out. Right? Instead of watching
non-stop negative news all day long, or feeling bad, or sorry for herself, she decided to
do something productive instead. She's not only serving up eggplant parm, people, she
is serving up some good news too. I mean, don't you feel inspired by this? I
don't even feel inspired, I actually feel hungry. Anyway. If you're still not convinced
on the power of looking for good news, then I think you need to meet my next guest Mr.
Tank Sinatra. He's the founder of the popular website and
Instagram account @tanksgoodnews. So, Tank, thanks so much for joining me on The Marie
Forleo Podcast. Today we are talking about the power of good news, and I was like who
better to have on the show to talk about this with me than you?
The guy. Yeah. Exactly. The guy. Can you tell us why,
and how you started your sites? So, I'm 39 years old. I've been on this planet
that long and from as early as I can remember I didn't understand why the news, all they
wanted to talk about, I remember being a kid and being like, "The world seems like a scary
place." Growing up in New York there was always kidnappings,
and robberies, and murders, and what I quickly learned is that none of that stuff was happening
around me, and if I didn't get it from an external source I didn't have to feel bad
about everything going on bad in the world. Because, if you talked about neuroscience
you know that the brain really doesn't know the difference between what it's imagining
and what is real. So, if you're watching the news, and your mouth is dry and your heart
is pounding, and you're angry and then somebody says something and you're snapping at them,
now there's misplaced anger going on, just because you had to watch this thing that you're
addicted to. I don't blame the media or us. I think it's
just one of those things where somebody who wanted to make a lot of money figured out
this weakness that humans have, and it's a weakness for negativity.
Yeah. Negativity bias. That's what we just talked about. The brain is hardwired to give
more attention to the negative than the positive. It's evolutionary. It's just part of how we're
built. Yeah. We want to survive.
Yeah. So, if there's a snake on this pathway you
got to remember not to go down that pathway. So, I guess I didn't figure it out, I just
kind of experimented and I had seen some really beautiful stories go viral over the years.
I've been on the internet a long time, and I don't know, I just said, "What the media
is doing is they're creating a visceral reaction in people. That reaction happens to be negative.
What if I could create a visceral reaction that's positive where, instead of your mouth
getting dry or you getting angry, you're crying tears of joy or you're getting a little heart
flutter, or you're feeling for the first time in however long that the world is not a scary
place, and it's not out to get you.” So, I just try and pollute my brain with positivity
as much as possible. I love that. I love that.
Yeah. I'm actually just curious about this, personally.
How do you find the good news? Where does it come from? Do you have other people that
search for it? Is this all you? Do people submit things? How does it come about?
No. So, the thing is, it's really not that hard to find. That's the trick. You would
think that... I remember when I started the page, Hurricane Harvey was going on and the
local news is... I was posting only huge stories. J. J. Watt raising 20 million, the Cajun Navy
driving hundreds of miles to rescue people. And I remember I happened to have the news
on one day in the house and I saw a video or a story of a little four-year-old boy who
had fallen off a deck in the Bronx and died. Right?
It wasn't Eric Clapton's son falling out of a window, it wasn't some powerful person's
kid, it wasn't extenuating circumstances, it was just some family who lost their child,
and that made the news. And what occurred to me was that it doesn't
always need to be big news, it could be little news and if I attack it with that attitude
I'm never going to run out of good news. Ever. And it's just, it's so easy to find. I mean,
at this point... There was one point very early on in the development of the page, maybe
like two weeks in where I realized, I almost felt like my work was done with the page,
because not only was the page growing, but people were then starting to send me stories
and I was like, "That means they're turning around from the Instagram page, going out
into the world and finding their own good news."
Yes. The ripple effect has begun. So, people send
it. I like finding my own. I have a bunch of different sources that I go to. Every big
media outlet has a good news page or section, or human interest, it's just buried behind
the shootings, and the fires, and the coronavirus and all that.
I'll tell you, I live for NBC Nightly News. At the end there's Inspiring America, there's
all the segments at the end that are the human interest stories, and it's like, I live for
them. And they're amazing. They are so amazing. So, I just want to appreciate on you and thank
you for what you do in pulling them all together for us.
I don't know if you want to talk into this or not, and if it's not interesting that's
cool. I was wondering if you could talk about the difference between toxic positivity and
genuine, helpful positivity? This notion of toxic positivity is around that... It's almost
this subtle nuance. Right? Where people are like, "Never give up."
Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's just going down this one side where
it almost feels like there's a lack of empathy or compassion for a whole range of positivity
that could also include the fact, "You know what? Sometimes you do have to cut your losses
and that's not necessarily negative." Or, "You know what? Things are hard, and it's
okay to take a rest, and then you get back up." It's a bit more of a, I would say, holistic
version of positivity that most of us can relate to, versus a toxic version, which would
make people feel like, "Oh my gosh, if I take a nap I'm just losing at life."
So, the reason that I was confused when you brought that up, is because I remember coming
across that and landing on the fact that, that's just not positivity to me. That's not
even… That’s not toxic positivity. There's a couple of people out there on the
internet who... I always want to be careful for a few things. One, I try to make sure
that my page, the things that I post, the stories that I pick, the captions that I write
are never too sappy or preachy, because I never want it to come across like I don't
know what's going on in the world. Or I'm somehow unaware of the fact that bad things
are going on. I don't have my head buried in the sand. I'm
not Pollyanna. I just happen to look at the good news 80%, bad news 20%. And the news
is just bad news. Right. Right, right, right.
It's not 95/5, it's not 100/0, it's not 50/50. Because like you said, the five-to-one. You
got to offset that somehow. Totally. I was doing research too and there's
this old adage, right? I've been running my business now for 20 years and I'm just fascinated.
I'm fascinated with advertising, I'm fascinated with media, fascinated with commercials, and
there's this old adage, "If it bleeds, it leads." Right?
Yeah. And that's been around forever. It's been
around forever, just speaks into what you're talking about. So, what do you think that
we as individuals can do? And we talked about this a little bit already.
Someone listening to this right now. Getting on board going, "Yes. I want to get this five-to-one
ratio down. I want to start looking for it in my life." And let's say they're in India.
Actually, today's question was from one of our viewers in Bangalore India, earlier on
in this podcast. Anything that you would say to them to do, to start cultivating this in
their own communities, in their own countries, in their own world, wherever they are?
Yeah. I mean, it starts internally. It starts with one. It's one of those things where if
you try and bite off more than you can chew, you wind up getting frustrated and saying,
"Oh, this is fake. This is not real. I can't actually do this."
Yeah. I'm trying to think of the best way to put
it. I read a page of probably 10 different books a day. Maybe two pages.
Me too. Yeah. I mean, I was talking to a friend of
mine, so I'm in recovery and there's a book that people read in regards to recovery, and
the first thing that I wanted to say was just that in that book they talk about constant
vigilance. If you're not ready to do the hard work, then
you're probably not going to get what you're looking for, but I would rather put a little
work in and be... I'd rather force myself to be happy, then be naturally sad.
There is effort to be put into this if you want what's happening, or if you want the
results. But just constant vigilance and constantly making sure that if you find yourself indulging
in something that's making you feel bad, like my son, perfect example.
My son is terrified of these things that he finds on the internet, and he wants to prove
how tough he is, he's seven years old. He's showing me on the phone, he goes, "Look. This
isn't even scary. This isn't even scary," and then 20 minutes later he's screaming,
because he went into his room alone and it was dark. It was literally 1:30 in the afternoon.
There was no darkness to be found anywhere. But I said, "G.J., this is what I'm telling
you about this stuff. You think you can get past it, and what happens is just like..."
Because what happens is, he searches for scary stuff on Google and then Google's algorithm
feeds that into his Roblox so these things show up in the games. He doesn't realize that
yet. I said, "Your brain works just like that.
So, if you plant things in your brain, it might not scare you right now, but 20 minutes,
two hours, two days from now you're going to have a thing, it's going to pop up, your
brain is going to call that back and it's going to make it appear real. And it's not
real. You got to be careful about what you allow into your own algorithm. Your own brain."
Oh. I adore you. There's a part... So, I wrote this book. I have to say this, because it's
so aligned with what you're saying. So, I wrote this book called Everything Is Figureoutable.
Right? And there's this chapter in it where we talk
about the RAS. The part of the brain, your reticular activating system, where it's basically
your filtering system. Right? Because your brain cannot take in all the data, it cannot
take in all of the input that's constantly coming in. It has to choose what's important.
And when you look for something you're all of a sudden going to find it. What we seek,
we find. And so, just like you're talking about with your son, just like this right
now, this whole conversation. When you start looking for good news and that becomes an
intentional focus you actually start finding it all over the place, and it's kind of amazing.
I heard something about you. Were you a fencer? Did you use to do fencing?
I sold fence. You sold fence. Okay.
Fence. Yeah. Yes.
Like property fence. Property fence. Cool. And do you no longer
do that? No. It's one of those words where when people...
When they realize what it is they go, "Oh. That makes so much more sense than you being
a fencer with a foil." Yes. Amazing.
But that's what everyone thinks. Yeah, I stopped that. I stopped doing that... Wow. It was
December of 2017 that I left that company. Oh my goodness.
Yeah. Could you ever have imagined what you're doing
now as your full-time? No.
And you are so funny. I sent you a meme that you created in probably 2017, actually. And
it was one about God and fish. I'm telling you, Tank, every time I see it I can't stop
laughing. It's literally, it's amazing. You are so good at what you do.
So, one thing people wouldn't expect about you. Anything. What do you think?
I don't know if they wouldn't expect it, but I don't know if they would know to the extent
that I love music. Tell me more.
So, when I got sober in 2002 I said, "There's two things I'm going to allow myself to do,
that may require me to be around alcohol." Right? "I'm going to allow myself to go to
comedy clubs, and I'm going to allow myself to go to concerts or anything involving music."
Whether it's a club, and the people are doing drugs there. I don't care. I'm there for the
right reason, and I need to allow myself that. Yeah.
I just find that music is something that... My other page Influencers In The Wild has
grown exponentially, because it's not dependent on the English language. So, my page is Tank
Sinatra, Tank's Good News, as big as they are, they're very limited, because it's only
the UK, Canada, and America. With music, you kind of cut through all that
and it's like, I don't know. Jay-Z is my favorite artist of all time, and the way that he describes
the way he makes music is, he listens to the beat, he tries to figure out what kind of
emotion the music itself is trying to emote, then he figures out how he wants to say what
he wants to say. Meaning the beat of staccato, of how he's going to say it, and then he puts
the words into that format. And it's like, the fact that these things
didn't exist, and now they do, I just love listening to a song once, twice, 100 times,
1500 times, and hearing... It just never gets old.
It's like reading. It's like reading a book that you've read a million times. If you're
doing your job as a human, from the time you read that book to the time you're reading
it now you should have changed a little bit, and you should pick up on new things in a
book. I agree with you.
So, the same thing with music. 100%. I love that. Some of my favorite books,
like I read every year, and they're always different, and they're always fresh. And it
always feels like coming home to a really good sweater too.
Yeah. It's crazy. It's like they're reprinted. It's like they literally took the words out
that you read the first time and put new words in. They didn't, but you pick up on different
stuff, like the RAS thing you're talking about. Absolutely. I'm with you on music.
The reticular. Really with you on music. I'm actually very
excited. I'm going to probably send you the clip of me singing. I made up a little ditty
around Milli Vanilli as it relates to this episode. I'm going to send it to you, because
I know you're going to want to hear it again and again.
Of course. Yeah. For anyone right now who is just like, "We
need more Tank," tell us where everyone can find you. They can follow your pages, your
podcast, anything you want to share with us. Yeah. My main things are on Instagram. It's
@tank.sinatra, @tanksgoodnews, @influencersinthewild, and tanksgoodnews.com. And I also am... So,
I was talking to an investor about investing in Tank's Good News. It didn't work out, because
of multiple different reasons. Right? But an unbelievable guy. Really good guy.
So, I said, "Let's keep in touch, if something comes up we'll work on that." He called me
last week and he said that he's launching something called the True Heroes Fund, where
we're going to be finding... Like, my sister-in-law is a nurse.
Yes. She just became a nurse like six months ago.
To me, that's like joining the military during peacetime, and then all of a sudden before
you know it you're overseas fighting a war. She was not expecting to get into this.
So, whether it's somebody new, somebody seasoned, somebody who retired and is coming back, whether
they have to stay in a hotel, they can't buy protective equipment, whatever it is, we want
to support the people who work in the medical field literally putting their lives on the
line for us. Yes.
This guy has donated one million dollars of his own money. We're going to try and raise
another million, if we raise another million he's going to match it with another million.
So, it'll be three million dollars to go from everything for masks, to food, to funerals
of people who have lost their lives working in the front lines.
So, it's something that I'm very excited about. It's called the True Heroes Fund. I can't
wait to launch it. I think it's going to be launched on Monday. So, if this comes out
on Tuesday then it'll be live at that point. Well, you have my support right now. You also
have my commitment. I will donate as well, and if you want, we'll talk after this, but
we can coordinate a little bit and I'm happy to support you with all of our channels and
everything that we do, because making a difference and putting that into action is something
that we take very seriously, and it's one of our highest values. So, I'm in.
Yeah. Action. Yeah, and then eventually what we're trying to do is have somewhat of like
an award ceremony where we can have people come for a night of entertainment, comedy,
music, food, whatever, and give these people their due when this is all over and we can
all finally get in a room together. I love it. I love it.
I can't wait. Tank, thank you so very much for who you are.
Thank you for what you create. Thank you for what you put out in the world. Your humor,
your big heart, your love, and thanks for making the time today.
Thank you. All right, party people. Let's turn this insight
into action. Remember, we do not want passive listeners here on the Marie Forleo Podcast,
no we do not. We want you to take what you learn and use it to create results.
So, here is your insight to action challenge for today, part one. I want you to commit
right now to radically decrease your negative news consumption. I want you to get specific
too. What's your maximum each day? Is it five minutes? Is it 10 minutes? What is that source
of news, and what time of day is it best for you to really go in, get the information you
need and get out? And look, I don't want you to just commit.
In fact, I want you to declare it. That's right. And if you're real passionate about
this, you can even make me a video and send it to me on social. You can say something
like, "You know what Marie, I declare I will no longer despair from mindlessly consuming
too much damn negative news." Or do it whatever way you want to do it and tag me up.
Now, part two. You got to go fill your feeds with some real good stuff. Accounts that are
inspiring or uplifting, and if you don't already, you should really be following me on Instagram.
I'm @marieforleo, because I always post funny stuff, and positive stuff, and some dance
moves, and weird things, but it's always going to make you feel great.
And if you want even more accounts to follow, use the Google to find other positive news
sources. There are tons of them out there. Now, of course if you enjoyed this episode
screenshot it, tag me @marieforleo and share it with your people.
Or even better, leave us a positive review on Apple Podcast or Google Podcast because
let's face it, who likes crappy reviews? Nobody. And with that, I say thank you so much for
listening and until next time, stay on your game and keep going for your dreams, because
the world really does need that very special gift that only you have. Love you so much
and I'll catch you next time. Oh my goodness, you're incredible. You're
still listening. Now look, if you enjoyed this podcast I think you're going to really
love my free audio training called How To Get Anything You Want. You're going to learn
three strategies that'll give you the clarity and confidence to build your dreams, on your
terms. Just Google “Marie Forleo How To Get Anything
You Want” and you can download this audio training for free right now. Enjoy it.