♪ ♪
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
LET'S SAY HELLO TO OUR FRIEND JON BATISTE.
JON, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> Jon: IT'S ALWAYS GOOD TO BE SEEN AND GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> Stephen: A LOT OF PEOPLE GET TO SEE YOU THIS WEEKEND
BECAUSE YOU'RE DOING FARM AID, RIGHT?
TELL ME ABOUT THE CONCERT.
>> Jon: FARM AID STARTED BY WILLIE NELSON, JOHN MELLENCAMP,
NEIL YOUNG.
WHAT THEY'RE DOING SIN CREDIBLE, HELPING THE COUNTRY'S FIRST
FARMERS, INDIGENOUS PEOPLE, BLACK FARMERS KEEP THEIR LAND
AND BATTLE AGAINST THE CORPORATE POWER STRUCTURE, THAT IS TRYING
TO CHANGE TO COURSE OF HOW WE EAT AND LIVE.
>> Stephen: DOES YOUR FAMILY HAVE A FARM, JOHN?
>> Jon: MY FAMILY GOES BACK SEVEN GENERATIONS OF FARMERS IN
CLAYTON COUNTY, GEORGIA, AND EVENTUALLY NEW ORLEANS.
AND MY GRANDFATHER WAS THE FIRST NONFARMER.
HE MOVED FROM LAFAYETTE, LOUISIANA, TO NEW ORLEANS.
>> Stephen: SUCKED IN BY THE ALLURE OF THE BIG CITY.
>> Jon: YEAH, YOU KNOW, THE BIG CITY OF NEW ORLEANS, AND THE
MUSIC IS SOMETHING.
THAT'S HOW WE GOT THE MUSIC GOING.
>> Stephen: WELL, DO YOU HAVE ANY FARM MUSIC FOR US?
>> Jon: OH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: CAN WE GET A LITTLE PREVIEW FOR THE WEEKEND?
>> Jon: HE TAUGHT ME THIS LICK, ACTUALLY.
THIS IS ONE OF THE FIRST LICKS --
♪ ♪
♪ IT'S LIKE ZYDECO FARMERS, THEY
HAVE ACCORDIANS ON THE FARM.
LAFAYETTE, THE HOME OF CLIFTON, ZYDECO COUNTRY, BABY.
>> Stephen: LATCH A COUPLE OF ACCORDIONS TO THE PLOW AND OFF
YOU GO.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: YEAH, THAT'S HOW YOU
GOTTA GO 'DO IT.
THAT'S IT.
>> Stephen: THANKS, JON.
JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.
>> Jon: MUCH LOVE.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, FOLKS, MOST TO HAVE THE TIME, I
LOVE TO COLLECT ALL MY MOST PRECIOUS NEWS MEMENTOS OF THE
DAY; THE MOST TOPICAL CRYSTAL VASES, FABERGE EGGS, AND
HAND-TURNED BOWLS TO PUT ON DISPLAY FOR YOU IN THE FINE OAK
HUTCH CABINET, WITH ACCENTED DOWN-LIGHTING, THAT IS MY
MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES I LIKE TO GATHER UP SOME BUSTED OLD
BABY STROLLERS, BLOOD STAINED SUITS, AND HAIRLESS DOLL HEADS,
AND SHOVE 'EM INTO THE DUSTY AND TERRIFYING CRAWLSPACE OF NEWS
THAT IS MY SEGMENT: "QUARANTINE-WHILE!"
QUARANTINE-WHILE, DUE TO THE ONGOING PANDEMIC, "THE NEW
YEAR'S EVE BALL DROP IN TIMES SQUARE WILL BE VIRTUAL THIS
YEAR."
OH, NO, NOW I CAN'T GO TO TIMES SQUARE ON NEW YEAR'S EVE LIKE I
WILL NEVER DO.
A TIMES SQUARE SPOKESMAN SAID "ONE THING THAT WILL NEVER
CHANGE IS THE TICKING OF TIME AND THE ARRIVAL OF A NEW YEAR
AT MIDNIGHT ON DECEMBER 31."
THANKS FOR THE PEP TALK, BUDDY.
HE ADDED, "AGE LAPS AT OUR HEELS LIKE A HUNGERING WOLF, TIME'S
THIRST CANNOT BE SLAKED, WE ARE ALL BORN ASTRIDE A GRAVE...
HAPPY NEW YEAR."
QUARANTINE-WHILE, THE MAKERS OF THE "GUNDAM" ANIME TV SERIES
HAVE JUST UNVEILED THIS LIFE-SIZED, 59-FOOT, 25-TON,
MOVING GUNDAM AT THEIR FACTORY IN YOKOHAMA JAPAN.
THAT IS AN AMAZING FEAT OF TECHNOLOGY, A HUGE DRAW FOR THE
FANS, AND-- THIS BEING JAPAN-- SOMEONE'S DEFINITELY GONNA HAVE
SEX WITH IT.
WHAT'S EVEN MORE AMAZING IS THIS BUILDING-SIZED ROBOT EVEN HAS
THE ABILITY TO KNEEL.
IN RESPONSE, THE N.F.L. HAS BUILT A FIVE-STORY CHIEFS FAN TO
SCREAM AT THE GUNDAM FOR DISRESPECTING THE FLAG.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, THE "WWE HAS ANNOUNCED A NEW LINE OF WINES
FEATURING THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR," AND "THE UNDERTAKER."
AND IF YOU POUND ENOUGH WWE WINE, YOU GET A CHANCE TO MEET
THE UNDERTAKER.
ACCORDING TO THE PRESS RELEASE THE TAKER-THEMED WINE IS A
LIMITED EDITION CABERNET SAUVIGNON, AND THE
WARRIOR-THEMED WINE IS A ZINFANDEL.
MMM.
I'M GETTING NOTES OF FOLDING CHAIR AND SPANDEX CROTCH-SWEAT.
MM-MMM.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, TUESDAY MARKED 60 YEARS TO THE DAY THAT "A MAN
HAS KEPT RICHARD NIXON'S HALF-EATEN SANDWICH" WHICH HE
KEEPS IN THIS JAR.
SOUNDS A LITTLE ODD BUT THERE'S A FUN STORY BEHIND IT.
STEVE JENNY WAS A BOY SCOUT IN ILLINOIS WHEN THEN PRESIDENT
NIXON STOPPED BY A COOKOUT AT A LOCAL PARK.
NIXON TOOK A COUPLE OF BITES OF A SANDWICH, SAID IT WAS GOOD,
AND THEN LEFT.
WHICH IS WHEN JENNE-- I WANT TO SAY SPRANG?
--INTO ACTION.
>> ONCE HE LEFT, I JUST LOOKED DOWN AT THE PICNIC TABLE AND
EVERYBODY ELSE WAS GONE, AND THAT HALF-EATEN SANDWICH WAS
STILL ON THE PAPER PLATE.
I PICKED IT UP AND HOPPED ON MY BICYCLE AND SPED HOME AND RAN IN
THE DOOR, I SAID, "MOM, I'VE GOT A SANDWICH THAT NIXON TOOK A
COUPLE OF BITES OUT OF."
>> STEPHEN: TRULY, THESE ARE THE MOMENTS IN HISTORY THAT MAKE ONE
PAUSE AND SAY, "ALL RIGHT."
( LAUGHTER ) OF COURSE, THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY
TO BE SURE THIS IS REALLY RICHARD NIXON'S SANDWICH.
SCIENTISTS MUST TEST THE SANDWICH FOR NIXON'S D.N.A.,
THEN OBVIOUSLY, ONCE THEY HAVE THE DNA, THEY HAVE TO CLONE
RICHARD NIXON AND MAKE HIM FIGHT THAT
"GUNDAM" ROBOT.
( LAUGHTER ) QUARANTINE-WHILE, A POLL OF
1,000 SMARTPHONE USERS FOUND THAT "40% OF AMERICANS WOULD
GIVE UP THEIR DOG FOR A MONTH TO KEEP THEIR SMARTPHONE."
SOUNDS HEARTLESS, UNTIL YOU REALIZE 100% OF DOGS WOULD GIVE
UP THEIR OWNER FOREVER FOR HALF A RITZ CRACKER.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CONGRESSWOMAN KATIE PORTER.
YOU KNOW BENNY WOULD JUST TURN US IN.
♪ ♪