- Hey friends, real quick announcement.
This past Monday, I launched a brand new
self-development newsletter called Snail Mail,
and the reviews are in.
"I couldn't put it down because of how interesting
the topics were."
"It was so much more than I expected it to be."
"I think it's gonna be the next trending newsletter
on the internet."
"Snail mail is so (beep) good."
I think that's my favorite review.
If you wanna start your week with an original article
and a digest of the best self-development content
on the internet,
then subscribe at slowgrowth.com/newsletter.
Or click the little link in the description below.
If you want, you could pause this video
right now and subscribe.
I'll wait.
Okay, this isn't awkward at all.
(box rustles)
(tape rasps)
(paper cover rasping)
This might go down as the first unboxing video
in my channel's history.
(tape rasps)
It reminds me of like batting cages, growing up.
That's like nostalgia, okay cool, great.
(upbeat ambient music)
- Get in there.
There we go.
So we have been in lockdown here in Sydney
for the past seven weeks,
which means that I haven't worked out in seven weeks.
And so I got a yoga mat because I'm gonna do yoga.
I've never done yoga before.
I'm excited for it
and that also means that I'm gonna do it for 30 days.
Cause my name's Matt D'Avella
and that's what I do when I try new things.
But also I'm gonna make a video about it
and I'm gonna kick up these 30-day experiments again.
There's so much fun stuff that I wanna try,
but that's not really the topic of this video.
I wanted to talk about regrets because, my God
do I have regrets.
So it's basically become a self-development cliche
at this point, but it's been said that at the end
of our lives,
we're not gonna regret the things that we did.
We'll regret the things that we didn't do
unless of course, you murder somebody (chuckles)
because then if that's you,
if that's what you've done and shame on you,
that was a really bad thing to do,
you might actually regret the things you did,
but for the most of us,
I would say that we're gonna regret
the shots that we didn't take.
And even now, you know, I'm not in my 90s yet,
but when I look back over my life,
the biggest regret that I have is
that I let fear control me.
Now don't get me wrong.
I don't stay awake at night
having these regrets thinking about,
"Oh man, I should've done this.
I should've done that."
I tend to let the past go and move on.
But for the sake of sharing advice to somebody
that's maybe a little bit younger than me,
maybe has a little bit less back problems than me.
If you're in your early 20s, mid-20's, actually,
I don't even care.
I don't care how old you are.
This advice is applicable,
but it certainly would be great to catch you
while you're young.
That sounds creepy, "To catch you while you're young."
Oh my goodness.
Please don't take that out of context.
If I could go back to a younger version of myself,
I would just dial up the amount of courage
that I had just by a little bit
because much throughout my adolescence,
as well as all throughout my 20's,
I really, for the most part let feel fear
make decisions for me.
I had the fear of putting myself on camera
because I was worried about failing publicly.
I had the fear that my freelance filmmaking clients
would find out that
I was still living in my parents' basement.
There were actually a couple occasions
where my clients asked me if they could come
to my studio to check out my editing process.
And I had to say, "Yeah, let me just, let me ask my mom."
And I think above all of these fears was
my fear to push myself outside of my comfort zone.
I was afraid of trying new things
of going to that yoga class,
of meeting new people, of trying breath work.
There were all these things that were new and scary.
I was really afraid of failing.
And the funny thing about fear
is that it's really difficult to see
from the outside because we're so good
at coming up with excuses.
Instead of starting that business,
we convince ourselves that it's far more safe and secure
to continue to work at that mid-level paper company
in Scranton, Pennsylvania.
Instead of asking that girl or boy out,
we convince ourselves of all the reasons
why it would never work with them.
The first half of my twenties,
I was too afraid to go on a single date,
literally from 20 to 25, I could not get over that fear.
And so I would,
I would try, I would go on online dating apps.
I would chat for sometimes up to a month at a time.
And then once it would get to the point
where they would send me their phone number,
I would ghost them.
I would just not respond.
And I'm certainly not proud of the fact that I did that.
And I ghosted many people,
but it was that fear that consumed me.
I was afraid of what might happen
after we got through those initial pleasantries.
I was afraid of that awkward silence,
the deafening awkward silence.
I think above all, I was afraid of rejection
of being hurt and being cast away.
And so instead of facing that fear,
I turned inward and I focused on my work
and I came up with all the excuses in the world
for why I wasn't ready to date
or why I kept flaking on these people.
But here's the big problem that I've found about fear
is that if you do not face it,
if you do not confront these demons,
they will get bigger and bigger as time goes on.
I would say in my early 20s, it was a nervousness,
like maybe a little bit of gentle anxiety about dating.
But since I kept neglecting it every month,
every year, it compounded over and over again
to the point when I was 25, I moved to New York City
and I finally said, "Okay, this is it.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna face my fears.
I'm gonna put myself out there.
I'm gonna go on a date."
I had a severe panic attack in the shower
as I was getting ready to go on that date.
I remember hyperventilating.
It was difficult to even understand
what was going on
'cause I'd never been through anything
like that before.
I didn't really see myself as somebody
who was shy or had anxiety up until that point
because I had buried it down so deep.
And then finally it all came out.
And so that was a lesson to me
to not let things go unhealed or unresolved
for a significant period of time.
And when we let fear win,
we really miss out on so much in life.
I think the problem that we've run into
with all these scenarios
is that we're not allowing ourselves
to be a beginner and to have a beginner's mindset.
It's kind of crazy when you think about it
because we have to be a beginner, at some point,
whether it's dating or doing yoga,
if we're pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone,
if we're trying something new,
of course we are gonna have moments
where we have no idea what we're doing
and we need to embrace that.
We need to accept the fact that we're not perfect.
We're gonna make mistakes.
If we wanna try standup comedy,
we're gonna bum the first time.
If we're gonna try yoga, our pants might split
in the middle of class and that's okay.
We have to be willing to lean into that
to be able to move forward and to grow.
But here's the thing, there is no dial that you can turn up.
There's no pill that you can swallow
to help you have more courage.
Although a couple shots of tequila won't hurt,
but the truth is that courage is taking action
in the face of fear.
And so being afraid is okay,
it's okay to be afraid of these things
and to worry and to wonder what might happen
and to live with that uncertainty.
But really if you're gonna have any fear,
it should be that you won't live up to your potential,
that you'll never take any risks
and that you'll look back on your life with regret.
Okay, it is time to do yoga.
(upbeat music)
Hey, how about this?
I'm making videos every week again.
It's been a really long time since I've done this,
but it feels really good to be diving back in
and making videos more consistently.
I hope you guys have been digging these videos as well.
You can expect to see a new video every Wednesday.
Going forward, he says as his video gets uploaded
on Thursday, if you've got any ideas
for future 30-day challenges, let me know.
I'm thinking of trying out veganism, zero waste,
maybe even van life.
Let me know down in the comments below
what you want me to try out.
Alrighty, I'll catch you guys next week.
Hopefully I don't rip a whole in my (cracks)
shit.