Someone wrote into us at The Marriage
Foundation, and
you can too. I'm Paul Friedman, I founded
The Marriage Foundation
and people write in when they're having
a problem with their marriage
or around marriage and go to
themarriagefoundation.org and you could
write in as well.
So this particular question is
not a question it's a complaint, "My
fiance
is not romantic at all."
So I'm so glad you're not married yet
and here's why because
you're saying this is the problem that
you're having
and this is obviously written by a woman
and I'm not a misogynist. I'm just
realistic.
There's big differences in genders. We
can tell when a woman is writing in.
Men don't even use the word romantic.
The problem is that you're shooting
for something that is shallow.
Yes, romance is icing
on the cake. I'll go even further. Romance
is like a flash
on the sun. Look, you're not getting
married
for romance. You date for romance.
You have anniversaries for romance,
birthdays
for romance. Romance is fun. Nothing is
wrong with romance but it's not
why you get married. You don't get
married for moments.
You get married so that every single
moment is happier
than the last, every day.
You're happier than the day before but
much more importantly
that you're able in this closed bubble. I
call it the
sacred space of marriage. In this closed
bubble, there's just
two of you and because of that
when you know what you're doing you're
able to
open up your heart to each other without
any fear
and this is a process of learning how to
love
unconditionally. And believe it or not
that's why you get married
because there's nothing that comes close
to that experience of unconditional love.
But if you're now having your
sights set on romance
and you do things to get more romance,
well, you're going to ignore what's
most important, you are.
You can only have one thought at a time.
You can only do one thing at a time.
The whole idea of marriage
are these two things. If you don't
work for them all the time
and it's not hard work, it's a labor of
love you might say
then it won't happen. It won't happen on
its own any more than you cannot get
into a car
and drive it unless you've learned how.
Then over time, it becomes automatic,
doesn't it? I see women on the highway
who are fixing their eye shadow or
whatever it is.
They're so comfortable driving and
that's how it is with marriage
but if you don't start out learning,
you're in big trouble.
So you're already in big trouble because
you didn't get educated, not your fault.
Now go to premaritaledu.org
and learn how.
Don't become a statistic. Believe me when
I tell you
you're on the wrong track already. You
have to go on to the right track.
What is the right track? The right track
is doing everything you need to do
to increase the happiness in your
relationship
and to open up your hearts in the
relationship,
and the information is not common
knowledge in our society.
Thank you for spending time with me! I do
hope this was helpful.
If it was, please like this video.
Leave a comment, leave a question. Don't
ignore this.
Don't go, "Oh, he didn't answer my question,"
don't do that.
Don't do that. It won't work for you
because even though I didn't answer your
specific question
I addressed a problem that is much
bigger. God bless and take care!
Thank you!