Hey guys welcome back this week. We are talking about a topic
That's so important, and I think it's something that you [know] most people don't really talk about
And I think it's something that we can all learn [from] and kind of expand our awareness our knowledge or our outlook on
This topic and it's forgiveness. You know how do we forgive someone that has betrayed us
how do we forgive someone that's
done us wrong, or that's hurt us in any way and
one of the things that I see
Majority of people is they kind of look at forgiveness in the wrong way they look at it like you know what I'm not going?
To forgive you because you wronged me, and you don't deserve my forgiveness
You deserve to suffer [right] like you hurt me [you] deserve to suffer
[and] the reality is that forgiveness?
Has nothing to do with the other person it really doesn't because even if you walked up to the person [that] hurts you or betrayed
You and said you know what I'm okay. I forgive you the reality [is] is that?
hopefully that
They while that forgiveness might sound good to them. I don't think a lot of people that have done someone wrong
Really wants to hear that in terms of healing themselves from the experience
So what I mean by that is if you forget someone and they're sitting there and say okay. Thank you for [your] forgiveness
They still live with the [shame] and the guilt that they of what they did to you of the wrong that they did to you
So they don't necessarily need your forgiveness in order for them to feel okay
And most people that have wronged you
Don't care if you forgive them they moved on with their lives, and you're sitting there
Still with that anger and bitterness and resentment
That you have for them doing you wrong
So I'm going to give you four [things] to kind of think about in terms of forgiveness
And how we can start getting to that place?
so step number one is
Understand that what someone did to you has nothing to do with you it has [to] do with them
so whatever the situation is what it's a betrayal whether it's maybe a partner had an affair or cheated or
Someone lied to you someone stole money or you know someone talked about you behind your back
Whatever the situation is it had nothing to do with you, and I think a lot [of] people
Regarding certain betrayals, take it. So personally and they immediately go to that place of
You know their own self-worth their own self value, and they say you know what it must have been me
I had to have [been] mean like there must be something wrong with me that I'm attracting these people into my life
That robbed me, and it just has nothing to do with you
And I think that that's such an important thing
To understand in the process of forgiveness and especially with women because I know that they tend to take things so personally
If say a spouse cheated on you or something or a partner cheated on you
You [know] they take it to heart and it had nothing to do with your self-worth and has to do with Their own
Character or their own lack of character another thing to understand with forgiveness is that forgiveness is a continuous practice
You know there are some situations where?
[trays] you actually still have to see the person. You know whether that's
You know an Ex spouse?
but now you have to co-parent with and they portrayed you in some way or
Maybe a family member that you still see at you know Christmas or family functions or things like that there are situations where?
when someone betrays you you still have to see them from time to time and how do we deal with that and
You know forgiveness like I said can be a continuous process where you're constantly saying okay?
I forgive you [I] reefer give you okay. You know and it's not something [that] you can just say okay
I forgive you and like all as well. We have to really in our minds. Keep that cycle of okay, I forgive
You okay?
I forgive you because the wounds that that person put on us still in us and until we really heal them
We have to continue that process of forgiveness
When you truly are at a place a real forgiveness you actually will be in a really good spot
Where you can?
Thank this person for doing what they did to you you
May not ever want to actually go up to them and say hey
[you] know what thank you so much for the way you betrayed me because it really
main feel great, but the reality is is that you want to thank them [for] the betrayal because you learn so [much] about
Life about yourself, and you're not the same person that [you] were before the betrayal happen, and that's a huge blessing
You know we sometimes?
You know we have these whispers that happen in life our intuitions talking to us like hey
Don't go near that person that person is bad for us or something kind of feels off
With this person or the situation and we don't listen to it
and it's not until
Someone has to really hit us hard and hurt us really badly for [us] to kind of wake up and say you know
What something's wrong here like this was not okay?
[and] at that that point of awakening is sometimes when we learn our greatest lessons
So you know the saying is really true, and that some of the hardest things you're going to have to go through [in] life
You'll learn the greatest lessons from so when you get to that point of that kind of awareness
Is when you can really go to that person and say thank you so much for everything that you did to me
Because now I'm a better person. I have a better life [because] [you're] not in it and thank you
I forgive you so step number two is about recognizing
That what has happened to you is an opportunity for you to grow now
I know a lot of people just are stuck in this ego place of you wronged me. I resent you
I don't like you and just this anger and negativity towards this person instead of saying you know what what is it about me?
Not that I did anything wrong
But what is it about me that I need to change to make sure that this doesn't happen to me again?
That's your opportunity for growth, and I think [a] lot [of] people don't always
Look at something like a betrayal
As an opportunity to learn and an opportunity to grow within themselves they look at it as something just immediately ego driven
Says you wronged me
I was right you [were] wrong
And it's just this blame blame blame instead of saying you know what yes what the person did to me was wrong
But what did I do?
What was I doing to allow this person to do what they [did] to me in the first place?
You know was I not setting boundaries did I not have any standards?
For this person to just basically do what they did was I so naive
And I just kind of gave myself too early to someone so everything is an opportunity to grow and [learn] and even the worst
Experiences are opportunities for us to become better human beings 7 number three is
Sometimes a hard one and it's accept that you may never get an apology
[you] [know] some people just for whatever the reasons are whether they're extremely unhealthy
Narcissistic sociopath like whatever the case may be are just never going to think that what they did was wrong
Logically they know it was wrong
but they can never have empathy for another person and really sit in your shoes and say I understand and I'm so
Sorry from the bottom of my heart you may never get that
Because in order for that person to really say those words to [you]
They have [to] sit in what they did and a lot [of] people can't do that
So what I always tell [people] is even if you get the apology
Great, but some people [just] don't even mean it. It's just a quick you know. I'm sorry
I'm sorry for what I did, but it's not heartfelt. It's not coming from a place of
They themselves are truly empathetic the pain that they caused
You you know it's just coming from their own ego of I don't want to feel [uncomfortable]
And I don't want to feel like I did something wrong
so I'm going to say I'm sorry so you'll forgive me and all as well and [wholes] right with the world, [so]
understand that you know the apology may never come and
Quite frankly though, you don't need it
You don't need it to heal what you need to heal is
Just waking up and saying you know what I'm tired of being angry with the person. I'm tired of
Reliving this awful experience and causing myself pain over and over again by continuously
Replaying it in my mind. [I'm] tired of being bitter and negative towards the person
I'm tired of venting about this person to anyone's going to listen and
Just saying you know what I'm ready to be happy again, and I'm ready to move on from this experience
True true forgiveness comes when you're ready to just let it go and when people say you know
I'll just let it go. It's not that easy, and if anyone's watching this [that's] been betrayed or hurt
You know it's hard sometimes you just let it go
[there's] a process that you have to go through
but if you do the process
And you you know you do the grieving and you try to make sense of it
And you know you journal about it
and
You maybe see a counselor [or] a therapist about it like anything that kind of gets everything out you will get to a place where?
you're just
Tired of feeling the way that you feel and you're just quite frankly over it because the reality is is that until you?
Accept what has happened. You can never move on from what has happened, and you can never forgive anyone and
Forgiveness has to do with nothing
But just giving yourself [the] peace of mind and happiness that you're ready to move on from it that you're done
You know you've cried every tear you've let everything out and it's no longer going to affect you anymore
And that's true forgiveness
[and] I think if we could just kind of change the way we view it and say you know what I'm
Forgiving you for no one but myself
I'm forgiving [you] because I don't want to wake up every [day] and feel any kind of Anger or negativity
Towards you or anyone because quite frankly. I don't want you in my [life] ever again
but I also don't need the anger and the resentment in my own life and
Because you're no longer in my life. [I] don't need to be angry or upset with you any longer
Because we both won, and [you've] got what you wanted and I got what I wanted which is surrounding myself with happy and healthy
People that truly. Love me unconditionally and would never
Do anything to hurt me?
So I hope that helps all of you out there that [are] kind of struggling with forgiveness