So I'm a Hindu.
One thing about being a Hindu
in the United States
is nobody knows about my religion.
So I make stuff up
and people believe it.
(audience laughing)
And that was perfect at Emerson,
because a college professor would be
like, "hey, we have a huge test
"coming up.
"You need to prepare for like
"a week-and-a-half."
And after class, I
go to the professor
and be like, hey, professor, I have
a Hindu holiday for two weeks
in Canada.
I can't do it.
And he'd be like, "oh, it's all good,
"Vinny.
"Go-- go ahead."
And this Hindu holiday in Canada
was just me visiting my girlfriend
at the time.
(audience laughing)
What I love about being a Hindu
is I could use my first amendment
rights to get out tests and meet
women.
(audience laughing)
The way I got to Canada
was through a Greyhound bus
from Boston to Toronto.
That's 17 hours on a Greyhound.
That changes a man.
When we got out of Massachusetts,
we hit Albany, New York.
And the first person
to get on the bus
was this big Black guy.
And he was on his phone facetiming
his wife and his kid.
And this kid was like an infant,
crying the whole time.
Everyone can hear it.
And the guy was like, "hey, why are
"you crying?
"Why are you crying, kid?
"Why are you crying?"
I'm like, it's an infant.
Do you expect an answer?
Well, that's like demanding
a blind person their opinion
on a silent film.
(audience laughing)
I thought I had parental pressure.
I seriously-- I went home to my mom
and I just did a religious class,
and they're teaching us
about the great Buddha.
And I told mom, Mom, Buddha
achieved spiritual enlightenment
at 35.
And she was like, "oh, 35.
"You do it by 23, you're not my son
"anymore."
(audience laughing)
When we left Albany,
we got to Schenectady, New York.
And in Schenectady, a lot
of Amish people got on the bus.
Never met Amish people in my life.
And it was kinda cool.
I enjoyed it, mainly because they
made me feel like I had
a good fashion sense.
(audience laughing)
That was really cool.
I remember I was hanging out
with them.
And I turned around, one Amish guy
was staring at me.
And I was like, wow, this guy's
probably never seen a brown guy
before.
And then I'm thinking, wait,
he's looking at me staring at him.
Maybe he's thinking, wow,
this brown guy's never seen
an Amish guy before.
(audience laughing)
And after Schenectady, we got
to Buffalo and that was where we
switched buses to get to Canada.
And our driver also switched.
It was this southern guy named
Charles.
And the first thing
he was like saying
was, "hi, my name's Charles.
"In this here bus, we got rules.
"And I'm going to tell you them rules.
"Rule number 1, mic drops."
It just doesn't-- it just drops.
Then he says, "ladies and gentlemen,
"I'm sorry.
"Rule number 1,"
then the mic drops again.
He just stops.
And says, "ladies and gentlemen,
"apologies.
"Rule number 1," mic drops
for the third time.
And then he says, "sorry, ladies
a"nd gentlemen, my mama told me
"to take three sips of dark rum
"for good luck
"on big drives like this."
(audience laughing)
That's the worst first impression
on a long drive.
I mean, that's even worse
first impression than being
on a date
and telling a lady to split the bill
because her sister did last week.
(audience laughing)
Well, Charles then started to play
Bob Marley.
And he was like, "every little thing
"is going to be all right."
And I was like, great, Bob Marley
is watching over us like he did
a good job when living.
(audience laughing)
We got to Toronto, it's all good.
And my girlfriend's dad
is like, "yeah, Canada has outlawed
"guns.
"No guns here.
"We're all safe."
And I'm like, wow,
this is great dating a Canadian.
If I ever screw up, the dad doesn't
have a gun to use on me.
(audience laughing)
[Announcer] - Please welcome
to the stage
Vinayak Pal!
(audience cheering)
- Thank you, Utah.
Such a warm welcome.
I love it here.
Now, I drew from--
I drove from Los Angeles, all
the way up here just
to do this thing.
And let me tell you,
Utah is very beautiful.
I've also been doing a lot of road
trips throughout the US,
like the south, Texas, Louisiana,
and Georgia.
All y'all states have so much
natural beauty.
I'm like, wow, this proves there is
a God.
Because only a God can create
something so majestic.
Then I go back to LA, I'm like, yep,
the devil exists too.
(audience laughing)
Now, I'm Indian.
And growing up Indian
is either was an engineer, a doctor,
or I was adopted.
(audience laughing)
And because I'm a stand-up comedian,
my mom just calls me a Pakistani.
(audience laughing)
I started doing stand-up in Boston,
and it was around my freshman year
of college.
I was attending a school called
Emerson.
And Boston, there's not many Indians
over there.
So I changed my name from Vinayak
to Vinny.
It's an easy name to say.
But all the Italians kept screwing
it up.
They kept calling me Vincent.
And I was like, no, no, no,
Vincent's don't come in this color.
(audience laughing)
Bostonians, they have such
a thick accent.
I was-- my roommate in college
was a guy named Josh, a tall Boston
guy.
And our first conversation
went like this.
He was like, "hey, yo, Vin.
"What are ya?"
And I'm like, what am I?
I'm a guy.
He's like, "no, no, no, no.
"Like what are you?"
I'm like, oh, I get it.
I'm Indian.
He's like, "OK, good-- good-- good
"to know.
"Now, I know how to treat you right
"in the future."
And I was like, what?
What do you mean by that?
He's like, "well, you're Indian.
"So if I'm ever doing an essay
"and don't know how to spell a word,
"I go to you."
And I was like, Great I'm
your human check.
Wonderful.
And growing up, it was cool.
Indians were known for being smart,
spelling big words.
It was cool.
But I always wanted to see a movie
about an Indian athlete coming out
of Hollywood.
Never got that.
The closest thing that ever happened
was Netflix coming out
with a documentary
about the smartest competitors
in the "American Spelling Bee."
(audience laughing)
I remember the Boston accent,
it's this whole other thing.
I was talking to Josh,
and he was telling me, "hey, yo, Vin,
"can you get something
"out of my drawers?"
Like, what, your drawers
He's like, "yeah, the drawers."
And he pointed down to his drawers.
And I was like, what, dude, those
are drawers.
He's like, "I said drawers."
And as his human spell check,
I just took a red sharpie marked
on his face.
And I was like, drawers.
(audience laughing)
Now, I'm a California guy.
I was raised on the west coast,
I live in LA now.
And while I was in Boston,
Josh wanted to give me the Boston
experience.
And a big part of that
was going to a sports game.
It's huge over there.
Sports and Boston is a religion,
and I mean that.
Josh was telling me a story
of his father going
to Catholic confession.
And his dad was like, "forgive me,
"father, for I have sinned.
"I went to your service
"and started watching Tom Brady take
"the pas to the Super Bowl."
And the pastor was like, usually
I'd make you do four Hail Mary's, but
we're going to leave that up to Tom.
(audience laughing)
I like you, man.
And he did take me
to my first professional baseball
game, Josh.
I call it
my first pro-baseball game.
He calls my baptism.
(audience laughing)
Straight up.
It was the Boston Red Sox
versus Toronto Blue Jays.
And basically, that day was the day
before classes started.
And we got to the Fenway Park
at around nine o'clock.
We were thinking the game was going
to end at 11:00,
and we'd be all good for classes
tomorrow at 8:00 AM.
Well, here's the thing.
The game went on for 19 innings--
19 innings.
It's 2:00 AM in the morning,
the trains are closed,
we don't know what to do.
I'm texting one
of my old high school teachers
who is a huge Red Sox
fan the whole situation.
She was like, "oh, just text
"your professor,
"tell him it was a religious holiday
"at a Sox game."
I was like, oh, that's not going
to work.
So we all congregate around Josh
and ask him to guide us back
because the local Boston guy.
So Josh takes out his phone,
he navigates us towards Boylston
Street, which is where Emerson is
located.
Now, on the way over,
we do not recognize the path at all.
And it gets a little freaky.
And we could tell just by the dogs.
It went from poodles, to pugs
that act like guard dogs,
to pit bulls.
And here's my thing.
If the dog has bigger muscles
than me, I'm in trouble for real.
And finally, we got to Boylston
Street, but there's no Emerson
College.
We're like, what is going on?
And then we see two guys right
in front of us.
And one of them has a gun,
and we're all scared.
So I do the only thing I think
of in a ghetto situation.
I'm like, hey, is that my girl
Laquisha?
And then one of the guys
is like, "what, Laquisha?
"Where?"
And we ran for it.
(audience laughing)
Josh gets us an Uber.
We get to Emerson college.
And the security guy was like,
"what's going on?"
And we're like,
we went to the other Boylston
Street.
He was like, "man, you're lucky to be
"alive.
"My cousin lives there with his wife
"Laquisha."
(audience laughing)
I had such a fun time at Emerson.
Two of my closest friends
were a guy named Gorman
and another guy named Antonio,
and I met them both in orientation.
Gorman is a traditional Boston Irish
Catholic guy who came
from that background.
And when we first met each other,
he thought I was an immigrant
from India.
So he didn't think I spoke English,
he didn't think anything.
He was just like, "how do I speak
"to this guy?"
And finally, he got the courage
to say, "hey, dude, are you Indian?"
And I was like, yeah,
I'm Sacagawea's
great, great grandson.
(audience laughing)
And I love talking
to native Americans.
And I say, I'm Indian.
And they're like, "oh, what tribe
"are you from?"
And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no,
my family is from India.
And they're like, "oh, you're
"the ones Columbus was supposed
"to get."
(audience laughing)
How am I supposed to reply to that?
I owe you one?
(audience laughing)
Gorman came
from an Irish Catholic background.
And his dad, Gorman Senior,
like I like to call him met me
for the first time.
Now Gorman Senior, very stern guy.
And I wanted to goof around
a little bit.
So I put up an Indian accent,
and I said, hello, Mr. Gorman.
How are you today?
(audience laughing)
And he introduces himself,
and he asked for my name.
I'm like, hello, my name
is Nakanda Nanshuma Baruntz
Balasubriam Singh.
He didn't know what to do.
He was petrified.
If you want to scare somebody, tell
him your name is something that they
cannot pronounce.
Straight up he was like, "kid.
"I had to memorize every verse
"in the bible, but your name
"is on a whole other level."
(audience laughing)
So I replied back, OK, Bible.
Got it.
Just call me Jesus because we're
both brown.
(audience laughing)
You are awesome, dude.
(audience laughing)
I was in a networking event once.
And we had to introduce ourselves
in these things.
And one guy came up to me
and says, "hey, what's your name?"
I'm like, I'm Vinayak.
And he's like, "Gesundheit."
(audience laughing)
So I was like, nice to meet you,
Gesundheit.
What do you do, work for Kleenex?
(audience laughing)
Here's a little bit of background
behind my name.
So Vinayak, it's one of the 108
names of the Hindu god
with an elephant name--
head, Ganesha.
So with that type of background,
I always tell people I have 108
names.
Do you know how easy it is to get
away with credit card fraud with 108
names?
(audience laughing)
The bank calls me up.
They're like, "hey,
"are you Mr. Vinayak Pal?"
I'm like, it depends.
What's going on?
They're like, "oh, you owe us
"some money."
I'm like, nope, I'm Vincent today.
(audience laughing)
I started doing comedy a lot more
persistently in Boston.
And the way you start out doing
comedy is by open mics.
And open mics are these things where
any comedian from any level
just go in and do their jokes
in front of a room of comedians who
are always on their phone writing
down your good jokes
so they can steal them later.
That's our training model.
The worst thing
is, no human resources.
(audience laughing)
None.
We have no one to go to.
This type of training method
does not work in any other field--
any other field.
Imagine a surgeon
going to another surgeon
and being like, "hey,
"I want you to cut open that body.
"I'm going to watch you and record it
"and say it was me."
That does not sound
like medical training.
That's like a North Korean torture
documentary.
(audience laughing)
Also in Boston, I work
for the Boston Comedy Festival.
And that was honestly the best part
about being in that city.
As an intern, I would just help
with the promotion and the tickets.
But as an intern, my boss--
my job was whatever my boss told me
to do.
And my boss was talking to one
of the bigger comedians
at the festival, and the comedian
was like, "hey,
"do you have a security guard for us?"
And my boss looked at me
and says, yeah, that kid over there.
I've never done security in my life.
My only training was night
at the museum.
(audience laughing)
Now, at Emerson, I had to do
classes--
and then while in Boston, I was
doing open mics
and I was working at the festival.
I needed to find a way
to get my grades up
they were slipping a little bit.
And before I go on, Emerson is one
of those typical social justice-y
schools.
So they're all about, I'm oppressed.
What type of politics
can I talk about now?
And it's all this stuff.
And basically, what I did
was, one of my friends, Jack,
came up to me and said, "man, I can't
"experience your life.
"I can't have the Indian lifestyle
"like you because I'm white."
And I was like, kid, if you want
to have the Indian lifestyle,
do somebody's homework for them.
(audience laughing)
Like really, dude, I
am the perfect candidate to give you
the brown badge if you want it.
So go ahead.
And then he started doing
my homework, and then he started
calling it justice.
And I was like, it's only justice
if you get me an A. Anything lower
than that is
the Pakistani experience.
(audience laughing)
So I'm a Hindu.
One thing about being a Hindu
in the United States
is nobody knows about my religion.
So I make stuff up
and people believe it.
(audience laughing)
And that was perfect at Emerson,
because a college professor would be
like, "hey, we have a huge test
"coming up.
"You need to prepare for like
"a week-and-a-half."
And after class, I
go to the professor
and be like, hey, professor, I have
a Hindu holiday for two weeks
in Canada.
I can't do it.
And he'd be like, "oh, it's all good,
"Vinny.
"Go-- go ahead."
And this Hindu holiday in Canada
was just me visiting my girlfriend
at the time.
(audience laughing)
What I love about being a Hindu
is I could use my first amendment
rights to get out tests and meet
women.
(audience laughing)
The way I got to Canada
was through a Greyhound bus
from Boston to Toronto.
That's 17 hours on a Greyhound.
That changes a man.
When we got out of Massachusetts,
we hit Albany, New York.
And the first person
to get on the bus
was this big Black guy.
And he was on his phone facetiming
his wife and his kid.
And this kid was like an infant,
crying the whole time.
Everyone can hear it.
And the guy was like, "hey, why are
"you crying?
"Why are you crying, kid?
"Why are you crying?"
I'm like, it's an infant.
Do you expect an answer?
Well, that's like demanding
a blind person their opinion
on a silent film.
(audience laughing)
I thought I had parental pressure.
I seriously-- I went home to my mom
and I just did a religious class,
and they're teaching us
about the great Buddha.
And I told mom, Mom, Buddha
achieved spiritual enlightenment
at 35.
And she was like, "oh, 35.
"You do it by 23, you're not my son
"anymore."
(audience laughing)
When we left Albany,
we got to Schenectady, New York.
And in Schenectady, a lot
of Amish people got on the bus.
Never met Amish people in my life.
And it was kinda cool.
I enjoyed it, mainly because they
made me feel like I had
a good fashion sense.
(audience laughing)
That was really cool.
I remember I was hanging out
with them.
And I turned around, one Amish guy
was staring at me.
And I was like, wow, this guy's
probably never seen a brown guy
before.
And then I'm thinking, wait,
he's looking at me staring at him.
Maybe he's thinking, wow,
this brown guy's never seen
an Amish guy before.
(audience laughing)
And after Schenectady, we got
to Buffalo and that was where we
switched buses to get to Canada.
And our driver also switched.
It was this southern guy named
Charles.
And the first thing
he was like saying
was, "hi, my name's Charles.
"In this here bus, we got rules.
"And I'm going to tell you them rules.
"Rule number 1, mic drops."
It just doesn't-- it just drops.
Then he says, "ladies and gentlemen,
"I'm sorry.
"Rule number 1,"
then the mic drops again.
He just stops.
And says, "ladies and gentlemen,
"apologies.
"Rule number 1," mic drops
for the third time.
And then he says, "sorry, ladies
a"nd gentlemen, my mama told me
"to take three sips of dark rum
"for good luck
"on big drives like this."
(audience laughing)
That's the worst first impression
on a long drive.
I mean, that's even worse
first impression than being
on a date
and telling a lady to split the bill
because her sister did last week.
(audience laughing)
Well, Charles then started to play
Bob Marley.
And he was like, "every little thing
"is going to be all right."
And I was like, great, Bob Marley
is watching over us like he did
a good job when living.
(audience laughing)
We got to Toronto, it's all good.
And my girlfriend's dad
is like, "yeah, Canada has outlawed
"guns.
"No guns here.
"We're all safe."
And I'm like, wow,
this is great dating a Canadian.
If I ever screw up, the dad doesn't
have a gun to use on me.
(audience laughing)
And Emerson didn't work out.
I wasn't able to get the money
to continue.
So I moved to Los Angeles
to pursue some school there.
I did more stand up.
And here's the thing about LA.
All of the brown people
are mixed up there.
And this is what I mean.
I was walking down the street
and this one guy was like, "hey,
"dude, what's up?"
And I thought it was a Mexican.
Turnaround and it's an Indian guy.
It was crazy.
And then everyone thought I was
a Mexican.
Everyone thought I was a Mexican.
And I didn't know what to do.
Literally, I'm at this Philly
cheesesteak place in Los Angeles run
by Mexican people.
And I'm like, wow, you all can cook
everything.
People ask me, Vin,
can you cook any Indian food?
I'm like, no ask Jose he could do
better than me.
(audience laughing)
I'm at the counter, and this guy
is like, "hola, como estas?"
I'm like, dude, I'm Indian.
He's like, "no."
I'm like, yeah, man, I'm Indian.
He's like, "no."
I'm like, dude, I am Indian.
He's like, "fine,
"you could be Indian today,
"but we're going to convert you."
(audience laughing)
Convert me?
What does that mean?
He's like, "oh, you're just going
"to marry my sister."
I'm like, what?
You're going to give your sister
just like that?
And he's like, "oh, don't worry.
"I got 10 more."
(audience laughing)
LA also has a horrible homeless
problem going on right now.
It's not-- it's not-- it's not good.
And my first year there, I always
took the public transit.
And the homeless people would just
be in the lines talking to us.
This one dude, the homeless guy came
up to me and said, "hey, kid,
"do you want advice on how to invest
"in real estate?"
(audience laughing)
And I was like, yes, I want to hear
what you have to say.
And he told me, "don't live
"in whatever you invest in."
I was like, OK, got it.
Don't live in whatever you invest in.
Cool.
And then he says, "yeah, I did
"that whole adopt the highway thing,
"and look at me."
(audience laughing)
LA is also very political.
It gets really annoying when you go
to Hollywood, everyone has
some campaign they want you to sign
on to.
And I just say no to whatever it is.
No, no, no.
This one lady comes up to me
and says, "sir,
"can you sign a petition to end child
"labor?"
I was like, no, absolutely not.
She tells me,
"you're a horrible, horrible person."
And I'm like, no, I'm not.
I'm Indian.
If I sign that, the unemployment
goes up.
(audience laughing)
Now I remember, I told my mom
once, I said, Mom, I'm performing
for Laugh Factory.
"If I wanted my son to perform
"at the factory, I would have just
"stayed in India."
(audience laughing)
So when I was in Los Angeles,
I still did it remote work
for the Boston Comedy Festival.
And one thing I did
was organize a tour in India.
And in the tour, I was performing,
and the head of the festival
was performing.
So his name is Jim.
Jim has never been to India before.
He's raised in Massachusetts.
No experience.
All he's heard are the horror
stories of foreigners eating
the food there.
So he had a rule, and that rule was
I have to eat the food first.
He'd wait 10 minutes.
And if I got the stomachache,
he wouldn't eat.
And this is a very necessary
precaution because most of the time
we just had KFC.
(audience laughing)
When I was in India too,
the last stop of the tour
was the Kolkota Comedy Festival.
And my family is from the city
of Kolkota.
It was a great, great show.
But the problem the audience
had was, I look like them,
but I talk like a white guy.
So they were like, whoa, this is
different.
This is weird.
And as the minutes went by,
they got into the groove of things,
except for this one guy
in the front.
This one guy in the front
just was unhappy the whole time.
And when he met me backstage,
he was like, "You know,
"if I wanted to see
"an Indian talk like a white guy,
"I would've just watched
"the "American Spelling Bee."
(audience laughing)
I was very super superstitious too.
My mom's a single mom.
So what happened was when we were
growing up, my grandmother
flew from India to take care of us.
My grandmother is two generations
before me.
So in the mornings and afternoons,
normal American education.
Evenings, my grandmother is the most
super superstitious Hindu education
ever.
And what that means is by the age
of seven,
I became a certified astrologer
and palm reader.
(audience laughing)
So when I would go to school
and they're learning
about the constellations,
I was predicting everyone's futures.
(audience laughing)
And later on when I got to the point
where I need to go to high school,
my mom had me apply
to different private high schools
in the area.
In one of them, as a joke,
I wrote down, I read palms.
And at the orientation meeting
for that school, a staff member
comes up to me and says, "oh, you're
"the one who can read palms.
"Can you read mine?"
And I was like, wow, a grown woman
asking a teenage boy for life advice.
The worst part was she was
the high school guidance counselor.
(audience laughing)
Now, I love taking women on dates.
I love it.
It's super fun for me
just to get to know someone.
And my favorite date
is to go to a field,
look at the stars,
and talk about life.
But what really sucks is when I look
at the stars and they're telling me,
yeah, it's not going to work out.
(audience laughing)
The worst part is they've been right
every single time.
(audience laughing)
My mom and I, we've
had an interesting relationship ever
since I decided to be a comedian.
When I first started,
I went up to her.
And I was like Mom,
I want to be a comedian.
And she was like, "why do you want
"to do that?"
I was like, well,
I get to make people laugh
and I get to travel.
She said, "oh, travel."
She leaves the room and comes back
with a brochure for doctors
without borders.
(audience laughing)
Now, here's the main reason why I
never took advice from my mom.
It's when I was growing--
when I just became an adult,
she would just make my problems
worse.
Now this is what I mean by that.
I told her, Mom, I'm broke.
She's like, "no, you're not broke.
"You're just unemployed."
Oh, wow.
And there's this other time.
I was like, Mom, I'm in an argument
with my girlfriend.
She's like, "no, you're not
"in an argument with your girlfriend.
"You just think you're right."
(audience laughing)
And then there's this other time,
I was like, Mom, a lot of people
are calling me ugly.
"No, you are not ugly.
"You just look like your father."
Thank you, Dry Bar.
You've been wonderful.
(audience applauding)
(upbeat music)