Have you ever had a really terrible DM?
Somebody who made you not even want to play anymore?
The Dungeon Master, or Game Master in non-D&D games has a lot of power
And as Spider-Man taught us "With great power comes great responsibility"
Just like a great DM can make a game
A terrible DM can ruin one
And today I want to talk about those terrible DMs
Hello friends, Ginny Di here
And first things first:
Yes, this is a super clickbaity title
I'll own that
But until y'all start clicking on titles called "8 ways to be a good DM"
At the same rate that you click on titles like these,
I'm gonna keep doing what YouTube demands from me
Besides this kind of title lets me weasel my way onto your screen
And then, surprise!
Here's some thoughtfulness and empathy
You sucker!
When I say terrible DM, that's pretty harsh
And I want to be clear that I don't think everyone who does these things
that I'm going to talk about in this video are like irredeemable monsters
that should never run a game
My goal here is to talk about some of the things DMs do
that can suck the fun out of their tables and sometimes even drive players away
And then I want to talk about why those things are such a problem
And how they can be fixed
Because, we're not about that negativity here
I want to correct the problem, not just complain about it
If you're a DM and you recognize some of yourself in this video
Hopefully, this can be a nice little gentle nudge
towards things that you might want to work on
And if you're a player and you recognize your own DM in here
Then maybe this will help you have the language to discuss it with them
Or even just feel justified in not enjoying a game
Remember, we play D&D for fun
So if you're not having fun, you're allowed to stop
And look for a group that you will actually enjoy playing with
Alright, let's dive right in
The basic framework of a game like D&D is that the player controls their own character
And the DM controls everything else
The rules are in place to make sure that everyone knows what they're allowed to do
But when the DM starts taking away the player's control over their own character
That can lead to a lot of tension
When I asked people about their worst experiences with DMs
some people told me about DMs that rolled their dice for them
behind the DM screen, so they couldn't even see the numbers
I heard about DMs who just refused to let players take certain actions
that should have been within the rules
Or would forbid players from creating certain races or classes
Of course, DMs can set their own house rules
as long as they communicate them clearly to their players
But when this kind of thing happens a lot
players can stop feeling like they're participating
and instead start feeling like their DM is just telling them a story
that they have no say in
To controlling DMs, I just want to remind you
if you want to tell a story where you get to make every decision
You can write a book!
But when you choose to run a tabletop game
you're signing up for a collaborative storytelling experience
Your players need to feel like their decisions matter
or they'll stop caring about the game
I think the key to this is letting go of the idea that you can control where the plot goes
I know it can be hard to loosen your grip on the reins
But laying out a situation
and then being curious and interested in what your players will do with it can be really fun
And your party might surprise you
Try to give them the opportunity to do that
At this point, the story of the DM giving their partner special treatment
is so clichéd that it's almost boring that it keeps happening
But I hear this story over and over and over
Or the DM has some kind of personal beef with a player
or isn't as friendly with one player
and lets it influence what happens in the game
No matter the reason, no matter whether they're being extra strict or extra lenient
If the DM is treating their party unequally people are gonna notice
and it's gonna fester
DMs are a little bit like referees
They're the ultimate arbiter
And that means that if they favor or disfavor certain players
It's not just unfair or rude
it's actually gonna influence how the story unfolds
You don't wanna play with a referee
who has already picked the winning and losing teams
In the same way it's no fun to play with a DM who can't be impartial
As someone who has DM'd for a group that includes my partner
And who plays in two different groups that include the DM's partner
I can say with confidence, that it is fully possible to treat players equally
regardless of your relationship to them
If you're a DM who finds yourself falling into the trap of treating one player differently
for any reason
I think your best bet is just to fall back on the rules and routines
D&D is structured for a reason
to facilitate smooth gameplay with a large group
You can rely on that structure to make sure that you're treating your players fairly
I remember when I first made my warlock pact
PATREON: Behold!
GINNY: Oh my god, who are you?
PATREON: A warlock patreon
GINNY: You mean a warlock patron?
PATREON: No, I am a warlock patreon, you know, the membership platform
run by Kobold Press
GINNY: What rewards does a membership include?
PATREON: Join me, and you will receive early and even exclusive access
to new fifth edition material
More than two dozen pages of
locations, lore, spells, monsters character options, and more, every month
Higher tiers even receive a bound hardcover book of the year's content
GINNY: What I would give for such dark gifts
PATREON: We recently hit a goal allowing us to create the warlock guide to the planes
which will be available to $6 pledges and above
this guide will cover planes from the 11 Hells to the Storm Court
and will also include NPCs, magic, and more
- How was I to resist such temptations?
GINNY: Dark master, I wish to make my pact
What must I do? Spill my blood, make a pilgrimage, a sacrifice?
PATREON: Merely visit patreon.com/koboldpress
And choose your membership level, child
There is much I can teach you
GINNY: Thank you great and powerful warlock patreon
Thank you!
When we roleplay we're making ourselves vulnerable
And to no one more than the DM
We're putting our characters, our self-inserts
these fictional people that we are temporarily inhabiting
into the hands of another person
and we're trusting that person to not do anything that will harm us
mentally or emotionally
That's why it's a DM's responsibility to be
conscious and cautious of where players boundaries lie
This might mean that you don't throw giant spiders at your severely arachnophobic player
It might mean that you don't include adventures where children are endangered
Because you play with a parent, for whom that stuff isn't any fun
It absolutely means that you have clear and frank discussions with your players up front
about how much and what kind of sexual content they are okay with including in their games
There has been so much written and created on safety tools for tabletop gaming
And that could be a whole separate video
But I will leave it at this, even if you mean well
even if you consider yourself to be a kind and empathetic and careful person
You should be using safety tools, period
You can't read your players minds and everyone is sensitive to different triggers
So err on the side of caution
And make sure your players feel comfortable communicating their boundaries to you
DMs have a lot of power
Like that's kind of the job
And just like any position of power it's super important that this power not be abused
One of the ways DMs wield power is secrecy
Players don't always know what a DM rolled
or how many monsters are lurking in the shadows
or what sort of magic items or special abilities an NPC or villain might have
This system works because players trust that their DM
is going to use that secrecy honestly and in good faith
Now many DMs fudge rolls
or make adjustments to their plan to better suit what's playing out at the table
But if a DM is regularly lying about their rolls
inventing reasons that player actions don't succeed
and just generally moving the finish line continuously out of reach
That's an abuse of power
Also DMs know everything about their players
their passive perception, their armor class, their resistances
But if a DM regularly builds scenarios specifically to avoid their players strengths
That's shitty too
Your players are allowed to win sometimes
They're allowed to have a clever idea that pays off
It's not fair to ask that players follow the rules
But not demand the same thing from the DM
If there's a leader at the D&D table it's the DM
That's a role that you accept when you sit behind the screen
And it comes with its own duties
If there's a problem player, it's the DM's job to handle it
If there's a conflict the DM should be involved in resolving it
Now I don't want to imply that players don't have any responsibility
for their own interpersonal problems
But if players are clashing, or if someone is behaving poorly during sessions
Having the DM's support can be incredibly helpful
I have heard way too many stories about people who were
bullied or mocked or harassed by another player
and got zero backup from their DM
That's the kind of thing that drives someone away from a game
or from D&D forever
When you run a game you are taking some degree of responsibility
for bringing that group of people together
and guiding their interactions
So when someone is being unkind or disrespectful or inappropriate at your table
You need to treat that as your problem
If there's one thing I've learned from talking about D&D on the internet
It's that everyone plays this game differently
That's one of the things I love so much about D&D
But it's also one of the main areas where a campaign can go horribly wrong
If you're running a grim dark strategy combat game
and your players want a roleplay heavy backstory focused adventure
No one is going to have a good time
That doesn't mean DMs have to run the kind of game other people want
Or that players need to want to play the same kind of game a DM wants
All it means is that it's super important that both the DM and the players agree
on what kind of game they're playing
Should characters be at real risk of dying?
How much combat does everyone want to do?
How much roleplay?
Is it going to get emotional?
Is there going to be romance?
Is there going to be mystery?
You can run any kind of game you want
But everybody will have more fun
if you're all very clear about what that means from the very beginning
I get it it can be hard to hear criticism
I don't think anybody actually likes being told
that they're doing something that somebody doesn't like
But if you aren't willing to hear what is and isn't working for your players
they might just leave instead
A great first step is to just ask
At the end of your sessions
ask your players to tell you both what they liked about the session
and what they didn't like
But remember a lot of people say they want feedback
but still get upset when they receive it
So step two is to make sure your players feel comfortable critiquing you
One way you can break the ice is by bringing up something that you were unsatisfied with
Maybe you felt like combat started to drag
Or you admit that the NPC you came up with on the fly had weak motivations
It's super important that when your players do give you feedback
you respond well to it
Thank them for being honest with you
Ask clarifying questions to make sure that you fully understand what they're saying
And most importantly implement that feedback
You don't have to accept every critique that your players give you
Sometimes people give bad critique, that happens
But if your players are unhappy with something
and they don't feel comfortable telling you about it
The only possible outcome is that they grow resentful over it
and maybe even eventually leave
It's part of the DM's job to play villains, to play monsters
to embody the roles of the party's enemies
But just because the DM is the characters' enemy
doesn't mean they have to be the players' enemy
The DM's goal shouldn't be to defeat their players
It should be to create a game that everyone enjoys
And that includes being a challenging opponent, of course
But it doesn't include being an asshole
No matter how cruel their NPCs might be to their player's characters
the DM should never be cruel to their players
Nearly everything on this list can be solved with a good thoughtful session 0
and the use of safety tools
You don't even have to come up with all this stuff on your own
So many people have provided guidance on how to create a gaming table
where everyone feels safe and comfortable
Even while their characters are in mortal danger
I'll link to a few good resources in the description
As my friend Lizard recently said to me
"Life is short and D&D is long"
Most people don't have a spare five hours a week
kicking around to dedicate to something that makes them miserable
The only reason we all make time for role-playing games is because we love them
So if you're stuck with a DM who makes gaming suck for you
This is me giving you permission to just quit that game
and find one that makes you happy
And if you're the DM who might be driving players away
This is your opportunity to learn something and grow as a game master
Speaking of mortal danger, if your party needs a healer
remember that there is just one week left to pledge five dollars or more on my Patreon
And get a postcard in the mail with my field medic Elli's complete stat block
So you can drop her right into your own game
I'll put that link into the description and I will see you next week
for a brand new music video
If you want to hang out at least hang out on camera where they can see you
You're so cute
But I am the only witness
You're gonna have to stay put though
Like if we're gonna hang, we gotta hang long term
This is a long video
Figure it out are you gonna sit with me or are you gonna leave
Make a call make a decision
Just gonna put your butt right in my face