Cdefining your identity might be the most important thing you ever do keep
watching hey there this is life mastery gym and I'm Damon Cart and I teach
people just like you cutting-edge NLP processes and techniques so that you can
master your life and take charge of your destiny so if that sounds good make sure
you click the subscribe button right here so that you can get these videos on
a regular basis knowing who you are and knowing how you create your identity is
the key to knowing how to create the reality and the life you want to live by
the end of this video you're going to understand how you create your sense of
self so much better and again this is the key to living the life that you want
to live it's also the key to having the confidence that you want to have the
self-esteem that you want to have it all starts with who you believe yourself to
be and what I use this for is pretty much all of my coaching all of my
coaching and the majority of what I teach and the work that I do in myself
is all related to identity because it is the biggest generalization you make and
everything relates to it so if you want lasting change in your life it needs to
be a part of who you are who you believe yourself to be before I go into this any
further I'm curious about how you define identity now I'm not looking for a
textbook definition I'm looking for what is your particular way of defining it
how do you define your sense of self let me know in the comments below and I will
respond to you so who are you how do you know you are you how do you know you are
consistently the same person who wakes up every morning and does whatever it is
that you do what is that sense the consistent sense of self come from and
what defines you now I used to delve deep into philosophy to try to answer
these questions and I did find some answers but none of them really gave me
what I wanted and what I I wanted something to apply in my life
that could change it transform it so that I found it easier to accomplish
what I wanted to accomplish to succeed to become the person I want to be and
unfortunately the philosophy that I at least the philosophy that I studied
didn't give me any of that and it wasn't until I started learning NLP
neuro-linguistic programming and more specifically the self-concept model
created by Steve andreas they gave me exactly what I was looking for so I
asked you the question what defines you now a lot of people would say well maybe
it's how I feel about myself how I feel about myself is it does that define you
I would say no it doesn't that's kind of the aftereffect how I feel about myself
well again what is the self how do I feel about this thing it doesn't define
it but it what it does do is it defines your self-esteem so I'll put that here
so how you feel about yourself is what we call self esteem but again we're
pointing at a self this is the feeling about self so what is this thing what
defines identity now a person might say well my experience my experiences
defined who I am and now we're on to something but not quite I mean if you
think about it how many experiences have you had well
endless experiences right and so many of them you've forgotten and they don't
really matter anymore they don't really say a whole lot about who you are and
you don't even have a sense of it reflecting on who you are we've had many
experiences I can think of meaningless experiences I had as a child walking to
the store or petting a dog or something like that and none of these things
define Who I am so you can probably think about endless experiences that
really say nothing about who you are in your own interpretation and in the
interpretation of anyone else so I would say certain experiences do define you
define who you believe yourself to be but not all experiences but I it is
enough to write down
I'd say experience is a starting point so we start having experiences and then
they lead to something in between here between experience and identity now
somebody might say well the qualities of me is who I believe myself to be and I
would say yes to that so not just a few qualities I would say all of the things
that you believe about yourself or what we could call qualities or
generalizations but we'll call them qualities which are generalizations so
yes you have experiences but not all experiences define who you are you have
a feeling about yourself your self-esteem but that doesn't necessarily
define who you are your qualities the things that you
believe about yourself which are probably many many many beliefs you have
about yourself so many many qualities that you have you're not thinking about
them all at the same time you think about them from time to time
like one at a time and probably depending on what context you're in or
even the even who you're interacting with and so you have all of these
qualities and if we put all these qualities all together and create one
big generalization based on all these qualities and yes you get your identity
so how are we going to define that do you need to sit down and write down all
of your qualities that would take a long time and you probably wouldn't be able
to complete the list because there's probably a lot of unconscious qualities
meaning qualities that you have that you're not even conscious of okay so
it's not important I believe in trying to define your identity by going through
all the qualities I think it's important to understand this and that this defines
your identity and from here from here there's so much that you can do for
example what are the qualities that you value that you
may or may not have or may or not believe you have in your identity and
how would that change your life how would the change who you are if you
believed you did have them so for example and I talked a lot about values
I have videos out there on values if you've been a part of any of my programs
you know that I talk a lot about values and how important values are what do you
value what qualities do you value now you might need to get contextual about
this meaning you might want to make it easier to make it less general less
vague defined in context okay my work my relationship my social life those are
three major life contexts easy to grab onto everybody just about everybody has
all of these and then I can ask myself okay what do I value in these contexts
let's say your professional career well I can value success I could value
accomplishment I could value I can even joy hat I could even value happiness in
my work or passion in my work and so if I can write out those values then I can
ask myself do I possess those qualities now what happens when you think you when
you believe you possess the qualities that you value yep
you get a lot of this you get a lot of self-esteem you have a lot of confidence
okay but what if you believe you don't possess the quality of what you value
you guessed it this goes down your self-esteem goes down you don't feel as
confident now here's the interesting thing I've coached a lot of people and
of course I've just met a lot of people the one thing that I see most common is
people who are actually highly competent I couldn't most of the people I coach or
highly competent people most of people I interact with are highly competent
people but almost all of them have low self-esteem and low confidence now some
of you're saying no I don't have low self-esteem I don't have that problem
that's like you know that's like junior high stuff no most people suffer from
low self-esteem most people have feelings of low
self-worth most people have feelings of not being
good enough at least in some area of their life and it does not help you to
feel that way some people think well that's being humble and no that's that's
a different thing humble is different than humble is I
know what I'm good at I know I'm good at it
I don't Bret I don't need to brag about it because I know that I'm good at it
but I don't and it's certainly not I don't feel good enough that's not that's
not humility that doesn't help you but trying to pretend like you don't feel
that way it's not gonna help you either so what you can do is you can identify
what you value in certain situations certain major life contexts and then
realize ask yourself be honest with yourself do I possess those values as
qualities of who I am and if you don't now you know you've got some work to do
and I can help you with that by the way we have a wonderful group of people who
are transforming at the identity level and if you're interested in that you can
just shoot me an email and I'll give you more information if you want to join
that group back to this when you start living the values as qualities of who
you are and you start looking at all the areas of your life with what's missing
what do I value that I don't have as a quality of who I am and then you start
learning what that is and you get really honest with yourself and you see where
those gaps are and then you start transforming it you start transforming
into that person who has those qualities so that you can live those values in
every major context of your life try doing that for a few months or a year
and how do you think you would change how do you think you would transform
extraordinarily wealth is what I would say and your life would have more
meaning more purpose more satisfaction and more fulfillment and this is an
ongoing thing because life is not static so this is an online thing that changes
that you make normally do last because the identity the self-concept is such a
huge generalization it transcends space and time but as you live and as you grow
and as your potential increases because you're fulfilling that potential there
will be no more work to be done there will be more to learn about yourself
there will be more to improve about yourself and it's not difficult at that
point it's more tune-up and maintenance but it's very
very important that you do it and becoming all who you can be now you know
how to define your identity but what you don't know are the elements of a healthy
self-concept a healthy identity so I created a free checklist it's just a PDF
checklist that gives you all of the elements of a healthy identity a healthy
self-concept and I give you information about it too how does it really fit how
does it work into your life and if you'd like to get your hands on that free pdf
there is a link in the description right here down below or you can see a pin to
the top of the comments right here below as well and you just click that link and
you get immediate access if you liked this video make sure you click the
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