- Hey everybody!
Happy Wednesday, and when it's Wednesday or Hump Day,
here on KatiMorton.com, I'm on the website.
And I'm also on YouTube, so if you asked your questions
under yesterdays video or you hopped on my website and
asked your questions, I've been going through them,
I've answered some already, and I have three questions today
'cause they're kind of long, and they're kind of,
intense questions and a lot of people like them.
That's another thing you can do if you're on YouTube
and you keep thinking, "Well I asked this question and
"it's not getting answered," if there's a question
that's similar to yours or a question
that you've been wondering about, give it a like,
because those pop up in the top of the video,
and then I know which ones most people have questions about
and then it kind of helps me service more people at once,
which is always good, right?
So, and I have a journal topic, thanks Laura,
for that from the website.
Let me get situated here, cause I'm in my office and
if you notice, I have a couple new things on my wall.
I have a thank you card at the top,
I have a birthday card, that yellow one down at the bottom.
I've got some new things, but I haven't gone to my P.O. Box
yet this week, I'll go tomorrow or Friday.
So if you think something you've sent me
has already arrived, don't worry, I haven't gone this week.
Okay, so let's get crack-a-lackin'.
First question, "Hi Kati, I've been seeing my therapist
"for a really long time and every now and then
"she talks about how we're both burnt out,
"and we need to take a team approach.
"I feel bad that I'm tiring people out,
"and when it gets to the point,
I withdraw and I stop talking about how I'm really feeling,
"which is like, I'm untreatable and I cannot be helped.
"I just got out of the hospital, but feel no better,
"and am wondering if I should take a break from therapy,
"since I feel like I'm on a merry-go-round, getting nowhere.
"I feel like such a burden to people.
"But people keep telling me that I should stay in therapy.
"I feel like there's no point anymore
"saying the same things.
"What should I do?
"Help!"
I want to talk about this because a lot of people liked this
and a lot of people had their own comments on this comment
and, it's something that many of us go through.
And if your therapist is saying that they are burnt out,
I would look for another one.
And I don't mean that your therapist is bad,
but there are some times,
and I can even say this personally, there is some times when
I will have a client who is struggling with something.
I've tried all my tools.
I've even consulted people to see if there's other things
I could do that I haven't thought about yet.
And we're going through all these things,
and I've bought books, and I am looking at things.
I'm trying new things.
I may refer them,
because I don't have anything else to give.
And it doesn't mean that I'm not a good therapist,
or it doesn't mean that the patient is to blame
that they're burning me out.
It's just maybe not a good fit for this.
And that's nobody's fault.
So when it comes to this situation you feel like
you're just telling the same thing and the same thing
and you're not really getting anywhere.
You're like in a hamster wheel.
You're going and going,
it may be good to look at other options.
Now I know that she said,
"look at the team approach."
That could definitely be helpful.
Group therapy, working with a different type of therapist
could help, seeing a whole 'nother therapist altogether,
there are a bunch of different options,
different support groups that are out there
depending on what you're struggling with.
I think that it can be really refreshing,
and sometimes good, to try someone new.
I know many of us get scared, and we're like,
"I don't want to have to like, start all over,
"re-say everything that I've already said."
But often, if you sign a release,
the therapists will talk to one another,
and they're not sharing every nitty-gritty detail,
but just the overall about what's happened to you,
where you're at, what you've been working on,
what you've tried that's worked,
and what you've tried that hasn't worked.
So that the new therapist can save time doing all that.
They don't have to re-put you through that stuff.
So, sometime when we're feeling really stuck,
and we're thinking that it's us
that's burning out our therapist,
know that it goes both ways.
It may just not be the best fit for what we're working on.
Even though we like them,
it may just not be helping us move forward.
And that's what we're in therapy to do.
Am I right?
So maybe look into trying different things.
See if your therapist has some people
they can refer you to they think would work.
If they have a certain type of therapy they tend to do,
let's maybe try something different.
Shake it up!
Right?
Because, we can get stuck in ruts,
in life, and it's important for us
to recognize it so we can get out, okay?
I hope that helps, and if any of you have
feedback for the situation, if you've been in it,
there's something that you've done that had really helped,
can you let us know?
'Cause I know a lot of people like this question,
so I want to make sure we get a lot of different,
various responses, based on different experiences.
Okay, question number two.
"Hey Kati, I was wondering what do you think
"about the over-diagnosing of mental illnesses that I,
"personally agree, is happening lately?
"I feel like it really makes me think
"that my eating disorder is not serious, or real,
"because if everyone has it, it's not a disease.
"I feel like if you pick any random person off the street
"and put them in a shrink's couch,
"they'll walk out with a diagnosis for anxiety, depression,
"et cetera, when they're just feeling human emotions.
"Does this not make the life of people with actual
"mental illnesses that much harder?
"I'm all for raising awareness,
but it seems like a bunch of people are jumping
"on the mental illness bandwagon
"when they don't even have anything."
Now, there are a couple parts to this
that I want to discuss.
Number one, things can definitely be misdiagnosed,
over-diagnosed, and underdiagnosed,
depending on who you're working with.
Now, self-diagnosing, without seeing anybody,
is never helpful, and I would never encourage it.
For any of you who've seen my videos
where I talk about diagnostic criteria,
that's more for an overall understanding,
so if someone that you know is struggling with it,
or you've already been diagnosed by a professional by it,
you can better understand where they're coming from and why,
maybe why they're giving you the tools
they're giving you to work on it.
But it's important that we see a professional.
'Cause we don't know, on our own,
I can't even diagnose myself.
Because, that would be, it's just not ethical.
It's not right.
I can't clearly and unbiasedly treat myself in any way.
Obviously, I help myself out with different tools
where I'm like "Yeah, that would help you too Kati,
"you should think about that too."
But that's just having self-awareness.
Never self-diagnose, you can definitely have an idea
of what's going on, and come to the professional
that you choose to see and say something like,
"You know from what I've read, it sounds like
"I'm really struggling with anxiety", or whatever,
and let them take it from there.
So, I think a lot of self-diagnosis happens,
and that's over-happening or over-diagnosing.
But when it comes to professionals,
I definitely feel that, depression and anxiety are
thrown out there a lot more than they used to be.
But there's always, the thing with this is that,
there's always both sides.
So, the one side I can say, "Yeah,
"eating disorders are diagnosed more,
"and anxiety disorders are diagnosed more,
"and depression's diagnosed more."
However, we have a lot more awareness,
and there are a lot more mental help professionals
readily available for people now.
And hopefully there's less of a stigma,
so people are getting help, so therefore,
more people are actually going
to see professionals to get diagnosed.
You can see how it could go both ways.
Now the thing that I, the other part of this
that I want to talk about, is the fact that
in this question she says, you know,
"It kind of makes me feel like my eating disorder
"isn't really serious or real because everyone has it,
"you know, and therefore it's not a disease."
Now I would encourage you not to let your
eating disorder voice, your negative voice,
whatever voice it is that talks to you that
feeds your depression, anxiety, self-harm,
eating disorder, whatever, don't let it take over.
Don't let it get competitive.
Because no illness is any more or less,
no matter how many people have it,
or no matter how many times it's diagnosed
in any given year, it still is real for you.
So I would encourage you to focus on you and
your own treatment, because people are going to
over-diagnose for many of our feelings about it,
they're going to be over-diagnosing people.
But it many parts of the world,
people are going to get underdiagnosed.
There aren't enough people there to see them
and actually spend time with them.
So in my mind it always kind of shakes out.
And take your illness seriously.
Take what you're struggling with seriously.
Deal with it the way that you need to,
because you and I know what you're struggling with is real.
And if you've been diagnosed by a professional
and you're working on it, if there are 10 million
other people who have the same thing,
that doesn't make it any less real.
That just means that it's very
prevalent and it's happening a lot.
So, I know that that's not, like, a straight answer like,
"Yes, it's being over-diagnosed," or "No, it's not,"
but that's all the things that we kind of have to weigh in
when we think about it, but it doesn't make any
of our illnesses any more or less serious, okay?
We're all in it together, right?
Okay, question number three,
"Hey Kati, or anyone else reading this,"
Well, I'm reading it, so hey.
It says, "Sometimes I find myself daydreaming
"about terrible things happening to me.
"Like getting raped, or kidnapped, or being in a car crash,
"or in a violent relationship.
"These things don't scare me though,
"they more sort of calm me down.
"Has this ever happened to anyone else?
"Why does this work to calm me down instead of scaring me?
"Help!"
And I wanted to say, I also got a couple questions,
recently, about daydreaming about killing someone,
or watching their boyfriend die,
or murdering people in their lives.
Now, and it didn't scare them either,
but it kind of worries them afterwards.
Which is kind of what's happening here.
So I wanted to kind of lump these together.
Because, interesting thing about fantasies and
daydreaming is overall, they are a safe place,
and a safe way for us to think about things,
maybe, kind of experience things that we otherwise
would feel really uncomfortable experiencing.
Or something that we don't actually want to experience,
but we were curious about, we wonder about,
or it's built on an intrusive thought and
it's someplace that we've gone with it.
Now, the reason that, for the first question,
when she said it helps her calm down,
like I've talked about with I Drank the Sea Water
with Melissa, we talked about maladaptive daydreaming.
And it can be a kind of disassociation.
Now, it depends on how you're experiencing this,
if you feel like you're actually kind of,
you know, watching yourself,
or your not really present with where you are.
But daydreaming tends to do that.
It takes us out of our scenario
if we feel anxious all day or something,
and it helps us feel calm.
It gives us like a safe place to be.
And so, I would encourage you to start noticing
what purpose this daydreaming serves.
I wouldn't focus so much on calling whatever it is
you're daydreaming about good, or bad,
or negative, or icky, or whatever.
I wouldn't worry about labeling it so much as just
noticing why you do it and when you do it.
Because this is very common.
Often times, if we watch a lot of television with
certain things like, you know, death, dying, rape, whatever,
watch Law & Order: SVU a lot, like I do,
or any other like CSI's and stuff,
that stuff can get in to your head a lot.
So that can be one of the reasons that
we find ourselves, like, dreaming about it,
and if we're just kind of fantasizing about other scenarios
it could be a safe place for our brain to kind of
process through some emotions, some situations,
some things that have come up.
Without us actually having to
live it, see it, do it, whatever.
Fantasies are completely healthy, completely normal.
But I would just notice when you're using it.
Because often time if it's calming us,
it's actually a coping skill.
Even though I know it sounds weird,
that you're dreaming about being in a
terrible car accident and all that stuff,
but it's very common, and it's kind of a way for us to
process through some stuff that may have happened
to us that we don't really talk about,
it may be a place for us just to go to think about
something else to not be present.
So, start noticing, and then we'll start,
watch my maladaptive daydreaming video with Melissa,
and also, my disassociation video,
cause I give some grounding techniques and
things to help out with that, okay.
Now the journal topic, thanks again Laura, says,
"Hi Kati, thank you so much for all your videos.
"You're truly making a difference in peoples lives."
Aww.
"The other day I saw a quote from the Wizard of Oz."
I love the Wizard of Oz.
"And it made me think of this community,
"so I figured I would share it.
"Glinda the good witch," everybody loves Glinda,
"tells Dorothy, you've always had the power my dear,
"you just had to learn it for yourself."
So you always had the power my dear,
you just had to learn it for yourself.
"We all have the power to change our lives for ourselves.
"We don't need a good witch to help us.
"Write about what you wish a good witch would help you with,
"and then write about what you can do to make it happen."
Because we all have the power to do it, right?
I thought this was great.
So rewind it back and listen to this again, and then
write about what you'd have the good witch help you with.
I think this is great.
So thanks again Laura!
Thanks everyone for all of your questions,
tomorrow is Thursday and I will be on Twitter,
so ask your questions there using the hashtag #katifaq.
Okay, bye!