Well, it's interesting because I always say that the narcissist is
actually more afraid of you than you are of them,
and it's actually true, but they really don't
want you to know that.
So it's kind of a gradual process because they have been
conditioning you from the beginning.
So they're kind of shocked but you know,
it's a gradual process on your on your behalf too.
So you don't just show up, not fearful either.
So it's kind of this dance that you both are now starting to play
and I always sort of imagine it
as your sort of riding the ship because they're on top of you
in one sense
and so, you know, you're feeling like
you're constantly on the defensive
and so you are course-correcting
and once you are riding the ship
and you've kind of course corrected
and you no longer have fear, that's when it's all turned around
and you no longer have that fear.
So what's it like when you no longer have that fear?
That's when it really all turns around,
and I'm Rebecca Zung by the way,
and if you haven't subscribed to this channel,
now is a really good time to do that.
I am an attorney.
I'm a narcissist negotiation expert,
and I spent all my time teaching people how to really
become powerful against narcissists,
how to actually create strategy,
create leverage, shift the dynamic,
flip the dynamic, become fearless against narcissists,
and really feel their power
and so I've really helped thousands of people
and I know what it's like
when you become fearless against narcissists,
when you no longer have that fear against narcissists.
I know what it's like, and what happens when you no
longer have fear against narcissists?
Well, there's so many different things that happen
when that power dynamic shifts,
and I've seen it happen so many times,
but it's a gradual process.
Okay, because, you know, they're in it for the supply.
People think they're in it to win it.
They're not in it to win it.
They're in it for the supply.
They’re only in it
for the supply and they're in it for
many different forms of supply
and one of the things that I have to explain to people
a lot of times is that when you go into the discard phase
of the relationship,
they really actually shift the form of supply
that they've been getting from you.
Okay? So you understand right,
that there have been a different phases of the relationship.
They start off with the whole love-bombing thing,
you know, that charm which is oh really
just to get that supply out of you in the first place.
They want to get it as quickly
as possible to the next phase
so that they can start getting the supply out of you
as fast as possible.
And so as fast as possible,
they want to get to the next phase
which is the devalue phase,
but it's really more to start exerting control over you
because they want to start showing you that they're powerful
and they want to start letting you know that
they're in control of you.
How they do that is devaluing you in some ways
and letting you know that
you are under their thumb,
and they also are testing you in that devaluing phase.
Okay? So part of the ghosting
and the devaluaing and all of that
is to test you to see how you react
when they do those kinds of things.
Are you going to be a good source of supply
for them?
So then you know when you start to pull away,
they're coming back just “Oh no, no.
No, I don't want you to go
because I need you”. Leaving them is actually
the worst thing that you could possibly do.
They have a very, very, very fragile ego.
You’re really there to serve that need for supply for them.
So then when you enter into that discard phase
and you actually do start to want to leave them,
they want you to be afraid of them. They want you to fear them
and so then when you do start to
leave them, they’re afraid of that.
They don't want you to leave them
because they want you to be afraid of them.
They want you to fear them. So now it happened.
You've been fully conditioned.
So you start to leave them,
they go into their tantrum phase.
Everything that they have done to control you
throughout the relationship,
they're going to get worse on.
They're going to start to
collapse, go crazy, and if you want to know more
about what happens when the narcissists starts to collapse,
you definitely check out my video on the narcissist collapse.
Not pretty. Definitely not pretty.
So they start going crazy. They don't want you to leave.
So when you do start to leave,
now you know, they start grasping.
They go into all their phases of,
you know, whatever they were doing in the first place.
Now, when you do start to leave, they're going crazy, right?
So smear campaigns, flying monkeys—
all of that and in the middle of a divorce,
by the way, it's the worst, depending on what kind of
narcissist you’re dealing with.
It could be covert, malignant, grandiose,
but they're not providing documents,
they're using the court system as a sword,
they might only provide a certain amount of documents,
they're hiding money, they might be manipulating text messages,
manipulating evidence, they might be tampering
with witnesses, evidence, lying to the court system,
using the children as pawns in the whole thing,
suddenly interested in having children
half the time trying to get the children to be against you.
I mean, whatever it is that they need to do, right?
Now you finally are getting past all of that
and you start to see through them
and you're on the other side of that
and you start to realize how strong you actually are
and you start to really realize
how pathetic they actually are
and you start to realize how strong you actually are.
You start to realize that you are actually
the stronger one and you've gotten on the other side of
seeing how you've actually been able to
slay this beast.
You will be so shocked at how they behave.
They're going to be avoiding you. They don't want to go
anywhere near you and by the way,
they do trade forms of supply.
I started to mention that. So, whatever form of supply they
were getting from you in the relationship,
whether it is money, services, sex, you were doing stuff for them.
They trade that during the discard phase
for manipulating you, making you crazy.
People think they just want to win.
They don't just want to necessarily win
because they trade that for driving you absolutely insane.
That's why these cases never settle because they love
jerking you around,
but when you don't fear them anymore,
that's when they don't actually want to
have anything more to do with you
because you're no longer a good source of supply
and by the way, that's the type of person
that the narcissists most respects
the person who doesn't fear them,
so, I want you to write in the comments right now.
“No fear!” because that's your goal.
That's your goal. Your goal is no fear.
So for those of you who are ready to go there,
I want you to subscribe to this channel right now.
Subscribe. Hit that notification bell
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content and need this empowerment
because it is time that we all
have no fear against narcissists, right?
and if you are getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist,
feel free to grab my Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet
at winmynegotiation.com
15-page free ebook for anybody who is getting ready to negotiate
and feel free to join my free private Facebook group:
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for extra support.
I'm here for you. We are all here for you.
Remember today's a great day to start
negotiating your best life.
Never give in and never give up
and I will see you in the next video.