Well hey there I'm Emma from mmmEnglish.
Today we're going to talk about what to say in awkward
situations, you know those times when you
just can't think of what to say
because it's kind of uncomfortable?
This is part one in a whole series on this topic and we're gonna
focus on relationships with people who are close to us.
You know how do you respond when someone's lost a loved one?
What do you say?
What do you say to a friend who wants to do something
that you don't really want to do?
So I've got six of these awkward uncomfortable situations
where sometimes we just don't know what to say.
Now it's so important to pay attention to the words that I'm using
but also to the tone,
the pause and the facial expression that I'm using because
all of these things are so important when we're communicating.
Before we get started make sure you hit that subscribe button
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So as I said, this is the relationships edition so I'm sharing useful
English phrases that will help you in
awkward and uncomfortable situations with the people
who are closest to us in our lives.
Situation number one.
Your boyfriend or your girlfriend
breaks up with you.
So imagine this, you're sitting at a restaurant.
You're looking across the table at your partner, you're just
about to have a lovely dinner at a busy restaurant.
You reach down to take your glass and have a sip
and you hear them say:
Look, I just don't think this is working anymore.
I think we should break up.
In any language, this is a difficult conversation to have,
an uncomfortable conversation to have.
And depending on how it makes you feel,
your mind might go completely blank,
maybe you saw it coming
but perhaps it was a complete shock
and maybe you're heartbroken.
But whatever the case, you still need to respond
in this moment, don't you?
So firstly, you take a deep breath
and you compose yourself.
All right I can do this.
Since it's probably quite upsetting in the moment, it might actually
be hard to think about what to say
and it's okay to take that long pause and to really think about
what you're going to say before you blurt it out
but here are a few things that you could say.
Really?
That makes me so sad.
I think it's best if I just leave and head home.
Now this might sound like you've just
given up but it's a really useful way of getting out of this situation
because saying too much might make you angry or upset
and if you just want to keep it simple,
at least you'll be able to take some time to think about
what you want to do and how you want to respond.
Another option is:
I'm feeling really overwhelmed right now.
Can we please talk about this again in a few days?
If you're the type of person who needs some time to process
information, this is a good option for you because if there are
thousands of thoughts flying around in your head,
it's really hard to make sense of them in that one moment so
giving yourself a little bit of time
and the ability to come back to that conversation with some
clearer thoughts is definitely a good option too.
Okay uncomfortable situation number two
is probably one of my favourites.
The overstayed welcome.
So you know when someone stays at your house
longer than you want them to? They just won't leave,
they can't take the hint.
Maybe it's a relative who's been there for a few hours or maybe
a boyfriend or a friend who has slept over for a few nights
but you really like your own space.
It's been four days now since you initially invited them over and
there's no sign of them leaving, they're settled in.
So in this situation you could definitely say:
You know what, I've got a few things to do around the house today,
let's meet up again the day after tomorrow and do something fun.
So when you're saying this, it's best to actually start
performing those actions as you go rather than just sitting on the
couch and telling them that you want them to leave.
It helps to show them that you've got other things to do.
So you could start washing the dishes,
packing some clothes, anything that gets you moving
and you know gives them the hint that you need to be using
your own space to do some things that you've got to get done.
But it also tells them that you do want to see them again
in a couple of days so no feelings hurt.
Now if you want to be a little more direct, you could try saying:
I love having you stay over but I also enjoy my own space.
Do you think we could just limit sleepovers to two nights in a row?
This is a good one for a boyfriend or girlfriend who's staying over
at your house a little more than you really want them to
and you know you're like
all right I really like you but I don't want you here
all the time. I need my own space too.
Okay the third situation is
your friend has cooked you a bad meal.
Now food is subjective, isn't it?
Some people like things sweet, salty, sour,
it doesn't necessarily mean that the meal that your
friend has cooked you is bad,
though perhaps it is.
Maybe it's just not to your taste.
So of course, keep this in mind when you're sharing
feedback I guess, about
the meal and you know make sure that the way that you are
expressing yourself is always with a really clear, kind,
gentle tone so that you don't hurt their feelings.
Try not to be too blunt here.
So you could say something like:
I usually prefer something a little different,
it's quite unusual for me, I'm not sure if I like it.
So with this response, you're letting them know
that the meal wasn't to your taste.
Maybe it's just because you prefer different things
so no feelings hurt.
You're still able to be honest.
This was nice. I know another recipe that was quite similar.
Maybe I can cook it for you next time?
So making plans to do another activity together is a good way
to let them know that you still appreciate them
and what they've done for you.
You could also try and make it fun and helpful you know
rather than patronising and sounding like:
My meal that I'm gonna cook you is so much better than yours,
wait till you taste it.
Try not to do that.
Okay so a friend of mine recently told me that a girl he was
casually dating asked him to make their relationship more serious,
more official.
I guess she wanted to introduce him to her family
but he is not interested at all.
So what do you say in this situation when you don't want to go
further in a relationship with someone?
With these responses, a really firm direct tone is so important.
There are so many non-verbal cues that you need to be aware of
in a conversation like this where people are hinting at things
rather than saying them directly so you've got to be alert,
ready for this one.
If it's a friend who's asking you to go out on a date with them
but you're not really interested,
you can definitely say something like:
I love our friendship and would just prefer to keep it this way.
And of course if it's someone you've been seeing for a little while
or a friend that you have feelings for
who's asking you this question
and you want to say yes,
then of course simply say:
Yeah of course, let's make it official.
All right our next awkward uncomfortable situation is when
your friend wants to do something with you
that you don't want to do.
Maybe your friend or your partner wants to go on a holiday
somewhere but you don't really want to
or they want to go skydiving and you're afraid of heights.
Well you can let them know that although you don't want to
do what they've suggested,
you do still want to hang out with them.
I'm not really into that idea. What if we try this instead?
This is the best answer because you're communicating
your message really clearly but you're also suggesting
an alternative for them and it helps them to know that
you're not completely blowing them off
right you still want to do something, just not that thing.
Thanks for inviting me but I don't think I'll go
and maybe then you can add on an excuse.
So expressing gratitude is a good way to show appreciation
for the person who's thought of you
and invited you, you don't want to hurt their feelings
but you know me, I don't like to hurt people's feelings
so making up a little excuse as to why you can't go
even if it's not true
is gonna soften the blow right? It's gonna make them feel less
bad, less hurt.
Thanks for inviting me but I don't think I'll go.
I've got plans that weekend. I'm supposed to be going camping.
So our next and last situation is an extremely hard and sad,
and uncomfortable situation
but it happens and I wanted to help you with what you can say
in a situation
where you want to support a friend or a family member
when someone tells you that they've lost a loved one,
that someone that they care about that's close to them
has passed away.
This is devastating, it's always hard to know what to say.
You feel quite helpless because nothing that you say
is gonna change their feelings or make their pain go away.
But being supportive and listening is so important,
the goal isn't to make them feel better,
it's just to let them know that you're there for them,
that you're listening if they need you for anything.
You're there.
Now depending how close that person is to them,
the feeling of deep sorrow that comes with grief
means that in this moment you need to tread carefully
and pay really close attention to the tone and the delivery
of your words.
You can say something like:
I'm so sorry for your loss,
I can't imagine the pain you're feeling right now.
This is just a way to acknowledge their grief and to express your
sympathy for them.
And notice how soft and gentle my tone is?
Whilst I was saying it, I didn't look down,
I kept my eyes directly on you and that's important too
to show that you're being genuine and sincere.
Now I also think it's important to follow up with
some sort of support.
For example.
Tell me about your mother or your father or your friend
who passed away.
We often think that people don't want to talk when they're going
through a hard time but
there are often so many happy memories that can make them
laugh or smile and remember someone fondly
so talking about it could actually help them to feel
better or at least offer a little distraction.
You might suggest: Would you like to go for a walk?
We don't have to talk about anything, let's just get some fresh air.
Now this is useful for people who you know would just rather
be silent and not talk, that's okay too.
So we've just been through six awkward, uncomfortable situations
and how to respond to them in English,
some of them were more serious and sad, others were
relaxed and perhaps a little funny but just
make sure you pay attention to the tone
and the way each of those phrases were delivered to the listener,
really important to focus on those non-verbal visual cues as well
with facial expressions and that kind of thing.
So I really hope you enjoyed the lesson. If you are looking for a few
tips on how to say I love you, check out this video here.
That can also be quite an awkward situation or an uncomfortable
situation where you feel unsure
so hopefully there's a few good tips in there.
Of course hit the subscribe button right down there
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Otherwise, I will see you next week.
Bye for now!