♪He's gonna take you back to the past
to play some shitty games that suck ass.
He rather have a buffalo
take a diarrhea dump in his ear.
He rather eat the rotten asshole
of a roadkill skunk and down it with beer
He's the angriest gamer you ever heard.
He's The Angry Nintendo Nerd.
He's The Angry Atari, Sega Nerd,
He's The Angry Video Game Nerd♪
Eh...
What's up, Doc?
Wow...
It's been a while since I seen you.
What game you hit me with?
'Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle'?
I can't wait to play this...
What was that?
Eh, play the game Doc.
I'm NOT playing this shit.
Come on Doc, stick it in the Nintendo
How about stick it up your rabbit hole?
Eh...
When you play 'Birthday Blowout', you knew you had some unfinished business, mack!
Yeah, play the game for two minutes, and I'll let you hit me again.
So this is 'Bugs Bunny's Crazy Castle'...
All you have to do is collect carrots.
Once you get all the carrots, you go the next stage
and it's just the same shit over and over...
Crazy Castle?
It's not too crazy, is it? The birthday blowout game was actually more crazy because that was like an action game.
But this is more like a puzzle game.
So why wasn't this one called Birthday Blowout and the other one Crazy Castle?
One good thing I have to say:
It has the shortest, sweetest password I've seen in a while.
Anyway, there's a bunch of Sylvester's coming after you.
Drop stuff on their heads or hit them with boxing gloves.
The only thing you can't do is jump.
If you end up in a corner, you're done.
Come on, he's a bunny! He can't jump?
Fucking coyote cunt got my ass against the wall
There's no way out of this!
Look at him, he's just gonna paste back and forth.
Time to commit suicide...
This time, I'm gonna drop this anvil down on him.
Ah, he went the other way! You fucking shit nugget!
You got to time it just right. You see, I'm just gonna kick this crate over here. There's some sylvester's...
Oh, fuck! If I can just get the invisible ink...
Is he just gonna stand there? Great, I'm coming down...
Oh balls...
All right, that's it. I'm done with this game!
I rather press my face against the hippopotamus' butt while it muck spreads.
That's when a hippo takes a shit, rather than allowing the shit to drop from its anus,
it presses its tail against its asscrack, waving it back and forth shredding the shit all over the place.
That's as much fun as this game is; like putting a turd in a fan or a bandsaw. You just don't do it.
Sorry Doc, you're ain't done yet. Looks like you got another game!
Crazy Castle 2?
There's a sequel?!
How could this be possible? I'm not playing this!
But you wanna play it.
No, I don't want it.
You do wanna.
I don't wanna.
You do wanna.
I don't wanna.
You DO wanna.
I DON'T wanna.
You don't wanna...
I do wanna.
You don't wanna.
I do wanna.
You don't wanna.
I do wanna.
You don't wanna.
I do wanna.
You don't wanna.
I do wanna! And you're not gonna stop me!
Crazy Castle 2: What can you say? It's the same shitty game, but on a Game Boy screen.
So in case you need your Crazy Castle action on the go, this is the game for you.
The only big difference is that you're collecting keys instead of carrots.
When you get all the carrots, you can unlock the final door and proceed to the next level.
There's more variety of traps and weapons. Watch this, I'm gonna kill Tweety.
Yeah, that's what I like to see.
You also get these blocks which make you jump, but could they be a little more creative here?
How about a spring or a trampoline? Not just a block that says 'up'.
The controls are a little stiff.
I just want to go up the steps. Ah, fuck! Now I'm dead!
They try to put new things into this game to make it better than the NES version,
but it only sucks even more because it's on Game Boy.
I mean, look at this! Would you want to play this?
If you do you probably like playing with dog turds.
Alright, I'm done with this. I'd rather lick the shit skid off the inside of a toilet bowl...
OW!
You Nintendo Dork, you broke my fucking couch!
That's the fucking bunny, you fucking Bugs Bunny Boot Camp!
Come on, I thought toons like to get beat up...
We do Doc, but you know we don't like?
Getting shit on the FUCKIN' FACE!
That was two years ago...
Well now it's YOUR turn, Doc!
(Bugs takes a dump)
GERONIMO!
Motherfucking Nerd...
Ain't I a stinker?
Go away, just leave me alone.
Not yet Doc, you still got another game.
What?
Crazy Castle 3?
Crazy Castle 3?!
That's impossible...
Now, I think I understand the relevance of the title. It's crazy that there's so many sequels!
I can see why there'd be one on NES and one on Gameboy, but why another?
It's the same fucking thing! You go around collecting keys to open the door to go the next stage.
Now let me ask something: When would there ever exist a door that takes eight keys to open?
It's monotonous how the keys themselves are indoors.
The only thing that distinguishes the final door from the rest is that tiny lock which you'd need a magnifying glass to see.
What's the point of having these doors anyway?
When you go in the room, you find a key every time.
So wouldn't it be a little more efficient not to have the doors, just have the keys out in the open?
What were they thinking?
The only fun part is blowing the living fuck out of Tweety.
However, it becomes even more redundant after you've annihilated everybody.
There's nothing left to kill you, so you're just walking around...getting all the keys.
Pretty exciting, isn't it? Almost as exciting as watching a dog scarfing out its anus
Come on, get him! He's the one that broke the couch.
Well, technically it was a futon.
I don't care what it is! Get him!
Boil those bunny balls!
Eh, here you go, Doc.
Dog gone, you mean old screwy wrasically wabbit, what's this?
Crazy Castle 4?!
How many of these fucking games could there possibly be?
You better play it Doc, before I ran my rabbit fist right up your motherfucking ass.
Alright, well if you just can't get enough Crazy Castle action, here comes number four.
It starts out with Bugs Bunny looking at a map.
On it, he sees a castle, but all it says is 'C' Castle.
So bugs thinks about it and decides that 'C' must stand for carrot and that means he thinks the castle's full of carrots.
And from how much he loves carrots, he rushes over there.
And of course the game has to explain to us that 'C' really stands for 'Crazy' and not carrot.
Like we're fucking idiots, this is only the fourth fucking game right?
You're going around opening doors that lead to rooms that have keys.
You get all the damn keys and go the final door.
What am I supposed to say? It's so hard to even imagine that this game exists and I'm trying to review it.
It's like trying to review a pink porcupine with a monkey's head up its butt eating a buffalo's ball sack.
Should I describe what it looks like and analyze it?
Or should I just be so fucking shocked the thing even exists?
Eh, you ain't done yet, Doc.
You still gotta get the carrot.
Oh you like fucking carrots, don't you, huh?
Well, why don't you play it, then? You're a bunny, you play it!
You play this filth! You like fuckin carrots, don't you! Eat the fucking carrots.
C'mon, eat this fucking carrot you fucking piece of shit! Eat that fucking carrot!
Rabbits and your fucking carrots. If you show that fucking carrot, I'll shove it up your ass.
What's up, Doc?
Give me the guitar.
I will not give it to you.
Give me the guitar, I need it.
No. it's mine. Get your own guitar.
Give me the guitar, I need it!
Great...I guess I just got to get another couch and another guitar.
Of course you realize this means war, bitch.
Motherfuckin' Nerd!
We pull this game out of my ass, Doc.
I wonder where this shit comes from...
Woody Woodpecker in Crazy Castle 5? This can't be real...
Okay, first of all, how is it Crazy Castle 5 if it's not Bugs Bunny?
It begins with the stupid intro where fairies come and tell Woody he's got to save Crazy Castle from the monsters.
The graphics are more advanced and you have the ability to break things with your beak.
One thing that's really annoying is that when you open a chest to get an item, you don't automatically get the item.
So I end up leaving the room thinking I got the key when I really didn't.
In a good game like Zelda you open the chest and that's it.
But here, you have to stop, wait for the item to dangle in the air, and then grab it.
It's like trying to grab dried shit dangling from a chihuahua's ass hair.
Other than that, there's not a damn thing to say.
I wonder why it's Woody Woodpecker.
You know, now that I think about it, both Woody and Bugs were created by the same guy: Ben 'Bugs' Hardaway
That's very interesting.
Oh wait, the very first cartoon to feature a precursor of Bugs Bunny was 'Porky's Hare Hunt'.
It had Mel Blanc doing the bunny's voice. He was the same guy who was the first voice for Woody Woodpecker.
So, Woody and Bugs...could it be... they're the same?
Eh, what's up Doc?
That feels good, Doc? Yeah, just like good old times, Doc!
Like when I shove Elmer Fudd's head up The Tazmanian Devil fucking asshole!
Eh, how does it feel to be a dying man, Nerd?
You're a dead man. You're a dead man.
Bullshit...
Guess who? (Woody Woodpecker cackle)
I knew it...
(Woody Woodpecker cackle)
You're gonna die, Nerd!
(Woody Woodpecker cackle)
Well I don't give a fuck, I'm taking you with me!
Oh you like to play with bombs, huh?
Well bombs away you Woody Funny Fucking Pecker piece of shit!
How'd you like that? How'd you like that, Nerd?
Eh...
What's up, Doc?