You may have thought about purchasing each flavor of Spam and doing your own taste test
to separate the good from the gross, but we've already done it for you.
Here are all the current flavors of Spam, starting with the worst and working up to
the best.
Everything about Spam's Oven Roasted Turkey flavor is utterly disgusting.
When you first crack open the can, the smell of stale cat food will fill the room.
Do yourself a favor and open the can outside so that your house doesn't stink for the rest
of the day.
Things only get worse from there.
The consistency is somewhere between a hot dog and bacon fat.
Thankfully, there's enough salt to mask most of the flavor, but the little you can taste
of the turkey is unpleasant.
If you have a can of this turkey-based abomination, the best idea may be to go ahead and feed
it to your cat.
The good news is Spam Lite has half the fat of Spam Classic, with 33 percent fewer calories
and 25 percent less sodium.
The bad news is that Spam Lite is missing 90 percent of the taste, which easily overshadows
any nutritional benefits.
"I got no flavor.
It's all I deserve, really."
"No!"
What makes matters worse that the missing flavor is replaced by a notably off-putting
taste and a gag-inducing texture.
It's reminiscent of that low-grade Salisbury steak you had back in elementary school, with
a texture that's much more rubbery than Spam Classic.
This stuff ruins most recipes that call for Spam.
While Spam Classic isn't exactly a health food, it's not so terrible for you that you
should sacrifice flavor and texture just to cut back on calories, fat, and sodium.
Unlike all the other varieties of Spam, this version doesn't hold up well at all when you
heat it.
It turns into a soupy, garlicky mess.
Plus, it does irreparable damage to your breath.
After you eat this stuff, your breath will reek of garlic for days.
That holds true no matter how many times you brush your teeth.
If you have a big date coming up in the next week, or you still enjoy the company of your
significant other, it's highly advisable to avoid Spam Garlic.
"All of the sudden, now, here, it's like, f---ing hell, garlic breath."
If you enjoy solitude and eat Spam right out of the can, Spam Garlic isn't a bad choice;
the actual garlic taste is subtle enough to enjoy, and the texture, as long as you don't
heat it, is totally fine.
A 12-ounce can of Spam Classic has an unholy 4,740 milligrams of sodium, more than double
the recommended daily intake.
But once you taste Spam Less Sodium, you'll understand why all that salt is a vital part
of the recipe.
A can of Spam Less Sodium still has 3,480 milligrams of sodium, still well above the
daily recommended amount, and it's noticeably less tasty.
That said, Spam Less Sodium is not as bad as Spam Lite.
So if your doctor is demanding that you lower your sodium intake and you are unable to shake
your Spam habit, go with this one.
In theory, Spam with Cheese sounds like it'd be a no-brainer.
Spam and cheese go great together!
But unfortunately, you'll be asking yourself one question after you open the can: Where
did all the cheese go?
The contents are about two percent cheese and 98 percent Spam.
And it's not even the gooey American cheese that you're imagining.
The cheese pieces don't melt easily, and when they do melt, it becomes watery instead of
gooey.
If you're cooking a meal that's mixing cheese with Spam, you won't hurt anything if you
buy Spam with Cheese.
But you'll still need to add cheese to it to get anything resembling a satisfying amount.
Spam with Chorizo Seasoning is a middle-of-the-road Spam flavor.
It's not bad, but it also doesn't taste anything like the chorizo your abuela makes from scratch.
And the spice you may be expecting?
It's not there.
But there's a little bit of seasoning that makes it taste more like a sausage than Spam
Classic, especially if you fry it in a pan.
If you like your Spam mixed with eggs, this is one of the better flavors.
Add some hot sauce on top and you'll really have something worth eating.
One warning, though: Don't get the idea that you should use this stuff to make Mexican
food, because you'll be completely disappointed.
Despite the name and the image on the can, this Spam variety is no bueno for burritos.
The worst thing about Spam with Real Hormel Bacon is that you don't know what to expect
from can to can.
Sometimes, there's a yummy bacon flavor that meshes perfectly with the Spam.
Other times, it's missing the bacon flavor completely.
And you won't even be able to tell which it is by looking at it, because there are no
visible bits of bacon either way.
There's only one way to eat Spam with Real Hormel Bacon.
First, slice the Spam lengthwise and make the slices as thin as possible.
Then fry both sides on medium-high heat for a couple minutes until it's brown.
Then grab a fork and dig in.
On your first bite, you'll be able to tell right away if you were lucky and got a can
with a sufficient amount of bacon flavoring.
It's kind of like playing the lottery.
Good luck!
Your sweet tooth will be happy if you choose Spam.
Just note that it doesn't actually taste like teriyaki.
It tastes like Spam Classic with sugar and a tiny sprinkle of soy sauce.
Spam Teriyaki has five grams of carbs per serving, with four of those in the form of
added sugar.
That's a big difference from Spam Classic, which has one carb per serving.
Spam Teriyaki also doesn't fry well.
It crumbles into greasy bits if you try.
But it does have one really great use: This version might be the best option if you are
looking to make Spam Musubi, a Hawaiian dish that looks like sushi but uses Spam instead
of seafood.
Spam Jalapeno takes the six ingredients found in Spam Classic: pork with ham, salt, water,
potato starch, sugar and sodium nitrite, and adds jalapeno peppers.
That's it.
While it doesn't sound like a huge change, this stuff will add a significant amount of
heat to your meat.
"It's more tingly than hot."
"Yeah."
But be aware that even if you like spicy food, this isn't a flavor that is too enjoyable
to eat by itself.
After two or three bites, you'll realize that you should have used Spam Jalapeno as part
of a larger meal.
One good option is a Spam enchilada: Wrap Spam Jalapeno in a tortilla with onion, bell
pepper, garlic, beans, rice and some seasonings, and bake with some cheese and red sauce on
top.
A lot of people add black pepper to their Spam after they fry it.
If you don't care about it being freshly ground, you can skip that step with Spam Black Pepper.
The only issue you will run into is that each bite will have a slightly different amount
of black pepper, so the taste ranges from mild to really, really peppery.
And we suppose to make room for the pepper, there's slightly less sodium in Spam Black
Pepper than Spam Classic.
So if you love Spam for its salty taste, you're better off purchasing Spam Classic.
A great use of Spam Black Pepper is to turn it into a soup.
No kidding, it's good.
Puerto Rico and Spam have a long history.
After World War II, a lack of refrigeration in the rural parts of the island made canned
foods like Spam coveted.
And even though Puerto Rico is much more developed these days, Spam can still be found in many
favored dishes there.
Spam Mezclita was created specifically for Puerto Ricans, and it's meant to be spread
on bread for a sandwich.
It includes cheddar cheese, cream cheese, red peppers, vinegar, garlic, tamarind and
paprika, among other seasonings.
Heating it at all will make the texture suffer almost immediately.
It's an acquired taste.
It might take three or four sandwiches before you can really enjoy it.
But the people who love it really love it.
Spam with Tocino Seasoning was made with the Philippines in mind.
Spam became a popular part of Filipino cuisine ever since Americans brought it there during
World War II.
If you travel to the Philippines, you'll almost always find that they serve Spam alongside
rice and with a hard boiled or fried egg.
You may be surprised to find that Spam with Tocino Seasoning is very red.
The coloring comes from the generous amount of paprika that has been added.
But it's not spicy at all.
In fact, Spam with Tocino Seasoning actually has a lot of sugar in it — even more than
in Spam Teriyaki.
All you need to do is fry it up, put it on top of a bed of rice, and consider adding
an egg.
The sweetness will surely catch your attention.
There's something magically good about Spam Hot and Spicy.
To create this flavor, the makers of Spam add Tabasco sauce to mix.
And perhaps shockingly, it also contains chicken.
"Mechanically separated" chicken, to be exact.
It's not clear why some versions of Spam contain chicken and some don't, but the chicken taste
stands out in this flavor.
You'll also notice a slight improvement in the texture, and you can fry until it's golden
brown without worrying about it falling apart in the pan.
The only reason Spam Hot and Spicy isn't higher on this list is the fact that it's difficult
to eat more than a slice or two at one sitting.
You would need a six-pack of beer, or a gallon of milk, to get through an entire can.
If you have a can of Spam Classic in the back of your pantry, you shouldn't neglect it.
Even if you don't think you like Spam...
"Could I have egg, bacon, Spam and sausage without the Spam?"
"Ew!"
"What do you mean ew?
I don't like Spam!"
...you likely haven't tried all the yummy recipes you can make with it.
Keep experimenting and you'll eventually find something you love.
If you grab that can of Spam Classic that has been in your cabinet for eons and it's
expired, don't fret.
It's probably fine to eat the Spam up to five years after the date you see on the can.
No joke.
The best way to introduce your taste buds to Spam is to fry it and then add a slice
of American cheese on top.
That cheese slice will help bring out all the best flavors and will make it easier to
deal with the initial shock of saltiness.
If you want a variety of Spam to add to eggs or rice, Spam with Portuguese Sausage Seasoning
is the flavor you should grab.
Known as Spam P.S. in many parts of the world, this stuff is amazing.
It has a rich flavor profile that adds a wonderful burst to any meal that you're cooking up.
Since Spam with Portuguese Sausage Seasoning is so flavorful, you should always cut it
into cubes and mix it with something else, as we mentioned, rice or eggs.
The strong flavor could actually be overwhelming if you eat it as one big slice.
If you're new to the world of Spam, you should probably start with another flavor.
But if you think you're a Spam aficionado, you haven't yet lived until you give Spam
with Portuguese Sausage Seasoning a whirl.
If you're looking for a type of Spam that you can enjoy by itself, Spam Hickory Smoke
is the clear choice.
It tastes unbelievably good straight out of the can.
You don't even need to slice it.
There's something about the hickory smoke that makes this stuff irresistible.
Spam Hickory Smoke is also fantastic if you slice it and fry it.
None of the hickory smoke flavoring is lost in the frying.
If anything, the smokiness is enhanced.
You could mix Spam Hickory Smoke with other ingredients like eggs, rice, or cheese, but
there's no reason to do that.
Eat it by itself and you'll be completely satisfied.
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