how do you deal with anger and flare tempers in yourself or your team layfon
will go ahead and turn that one over to you I got a lot experience with that's
what life's way more experience than he it I've got a lot experience in this one
and I talked about being a direct guy being a default aggressive guy and and
that's good there's a lot of good in that there's also some bad when you lose
your temper when you you know you lose your cool
one you know when you get emotional about things and react to stuff you
don't make good decisions and so you know we we always taught our guys that
the most important quality they can have as a combat leader is to remain calm and
make good decisions under chaos and pressure so that doesn't happen when you
lose your temper so you know when I look back on that the
other thing about it too is when you do lose your temper about stuff and it's I
can give you a number scenarios where it happened where if guys had people always
think like seals are always focused all the time you know and it's life and
death for you guys out there when we talk about businesses they say they
don't something it's life and death for you guys you know so it's not really
life and death for my guys but how do I get them to stay focus guess what people
lose discipline right people lose this one if there's not leaders that are
holding those standards and pushing hard and I remember one time in particular we
were patrolling back to our combat outposts and we've been on a long
operation it was a foot patrol into a dangerous area and we captured a bunch
of prisoners and we had to we had to walk them back on foot because there
were so many ided threats in that area I think we finally met up with some
Bradley fighting vehicles a smaller tank from the Army that came down we loaded
him up in that and and and they they took him back from there but so we're
walking back patrolling back and we're almost you know we're still a few
hundred yards back away from this combat outpost but we're in enemy territory and
I could see that some of the guys are starting to not be as focused like
looking down their weapons and dropping security and those things and and I was
infuriated by that I was totally in fury by that and it was
because I knew what was at stake that look if if we're not in this one all the
way back until we're inside that wire of the of the friendly Combat Outpost we
could take fire at any moment and if we're not watching you know at that very
second we get shot at people might get killed you know it decreases our
probability of winning that firefight of bringing everybody back so so it was a
big deal and but I definitely lost my cool and when I came back I was chewing
it Hass and like fired up at people and liked it here this is why that's
important and I'm looking back on that out of like that's that's not the best
way to do that right the best way to do that is to say well I mean force guys to
to keep security remind them to keep security certainly while it's happening
but getting back and saying guys here's why we got to keep security I know we're
only you know a couple of yards from the combat outpost but recognize there are
enemy fighters out here and they're going to hit us when we least expect it
just because it hasn't happened to us before you know even though we've done
this dozens of times does not mean that it won't happen to us the next time and
we can't you know this is important think about how you would feel if
somebody got killed when you were supposed to be the only security as they
were crossing the street and you weren't paying attention it was interesting to
use that example I almost feel that you showing legit anger at that point was a
positive thing like you want to make it perfectly clear to everybody and the way
you get their attention because it's not like you lose your temper all the time
is by you know getting angry and people go oh you know he's he's he doesn't lose
the temper very often here he is super fired up well I don't think I don't need
to problem it's not a problem to get angry I got really really angry okay
so it's one of those things where it would have been more effective for me
you know to be Stern yeah and and not back down from that in the least and not
treat it lightly I'm not saying that at all but I think just dilute it to yell
and scream and those things it's just never the best way to get right you're
right that is true if you if you completely lose in your yell and scream
and it's it's it's it's not a good and even though you're absolutely right it
was important and and I wanted that addressed it was a it just wasn't the
best way to do I said looking back on that now one time in particular - was
I can think when you wanted to make some changes to our operation oh yeah that's
right that's right I can't remember we talked about that
last pot gas or now but we we I was ready to cancel the OP Jocko came in was
like what what about this you know maybe yeah did we look at it
from this direction why don't you guys make me patrol in on this round and not
go across this bridge where there's a choke point and they might bury IDs in
the road and I was like we've been looking this for hours it's like now
he's changing it to minutes prior like cancel the off and Jocko eat he could
have got he could have lost his cool with me cuz I just lost my cool and you
know I've been I believe in hours at this and I was frustrated I was ready to
get get this OP launched and all the paperwork requirements and the levels of
approvals that we need and running around trying to you know fix all these
things and and he actually just looked them in was the thing we don't need to
cancel the up it's fine it's gonna be fine and then and then you actually get
asked me some questions like is what does what I'm saying make sense and I
want to be like no like yeah it was like yes I totally make sense you like okay
how long it's gonna take to change it you're like I was like two minutes like
well we have eight minutes left so no problem we don't need to cancel the
operation I was like no we don't yeah in in like you said it's important to
maintain your you're cool and the way I do that is by being detached talked
about it all the time in that situation when you got all fired up at me I was
like like okay you know he's getting fired up and I didn't think lace get
fired up because he's immature or cuz he's doesn't can't control himself I
thought to myself hey you know what he's been working on this all day he's he's
got a lot of pressure on him there's a lot of frustration when you're doing
these plans and doing all this paperwork I understand where he's coming from let
me give him some space let him vent a little bit and then let's
reappropriation a chiral human reactions right then I get mad were yelling even
though we have a tremendously close relationship
we would have canceled the out yeah it would have been a big deal it or even if
even if you end up saying like you know as so many leaders would do like you're
gonna do it this way and then I'll I'm mad at you and I'm all pissed off at you
you you know you came in and trumped me oh yeah by the way what happens when
something goes wrong on the operation then I'm like Jack O'Toole and then then
you have those frictions but the bet the the best thing that you did in that
situation would you actually just smiled and laughed at me like just take it just
to make that clear I didn't laugh at him like he was a little hey you know what
he knows me and he knows exactly where I was coming from like hey I know it's it
was the perfect way to de-escalate the situation which which made me
de-escalate exactly and made me realize like yeah it makes total sense and then
we execute it was no problem jail that's how you deal with that's how you deal
with so when someone gets mad at you deescalate when you feel yourself
getting spun up detached when if you got spun up and lost your cool I've said
this before on the podcast printers and copy machines they don't like me
and I don't like them and so are we talking straight-up office space the
office space style I don't like I don't like printers and get copy machines they
don't ever do what I want them to do and so I get I get angry at them so I lose I
lose my mind a little bit but no I don't I don't lose my temper very often you
know it doesn't doesn't do me a lot of good it usually it usually doesn't help
the situation you know doesn't help you solve the problem and and my mind is
always all right how do I get this thing solved they never helped you solve the
problem that's what you're me know so if you're like me and you lose your cool
you gotta you gotta practice it you got to rehearse that you got to make sure
that you're detaching and not losing your cool so that you can get the job
done and win that's that's what it's all about and the Delta platoon commander
you know he would go in a little bit of rage from time to time and you know one
day the Delta platoon commander is gonna be out of the military and he's coming
right on this podcast he knows it he's fired up but uh you know he's my other
brother and that's gonna be a good time but you know he would get
some rage going and I'd have to i'd have to back him down a little bit and say
bro it's me the reason to get fired up right now we're we're here to win you
know and I'm here to help you and you go I know but damn awesome