Have you ever fantasized about confronting a narcissist? By the end of this video, you're
going to know what happens if you confront a narcissist and if you should even bother
trying to do it at all. Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, Top 1% attorney and the bestselling author
of the books Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R. and Breaking Free A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide.
And I've helped thousands of people go from lives of drama, trauma, and chaos to step
into lives of freedom, possibility, and purpose and I do the same thing for you right here
on my channel and in these videos. So make sure that you subscribe and you hit that notification
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when I go live. So now let's talk about confronting that narcissist.
We all know that narcissists have something called narcissistic injury and when you trigger
that narcissistic injury or you, it's almost like a scab that you're bumping off of them,
then bad things could potentially happen. So basically there's only two things that
happen when you try to confront a narcissist and one is that you will get this rash of
hostility, this narcissistic rage will come flying out or you get the other side of it,
which is basically deny, deflect and say that it wasn't them or future fake or project or
something like that. So you really going to just get one thing or another.
So let's just take each one of those things and break them down. So the first one is that
escalation of hostility. So narcissists have no sense of self. They feel inside that they're
very empty. They are very broken people inside and so they spend a lot of time trying to
cover up that sense of worthlessness that they have deep inside. And they almost even
feel like they have no inner sense of value. They try to get all of their sense of value
from the external world and that's what we call narcissistic supply. If you want to know
more about narcissistic supply, you can check out my video on narcissistic supply, but basically
it's anything that feeds that narcissist ego. It's this black hole.
It's like throwing bread or money or food into this black hole and you never see anything
come out of it. It's like depositing money into a bank that you never take the deposits
back out because for you, when you get into a relationship with this person, you think
that you're getting into a relationship with somebody who's going to love you and appreciate
you and care for you, and also appreciate the things that you do for them. So especially
you empaths out there. I see you. You think you can save this person. You see that brokenness
inside them and you think that if you are wonderful to them and do all these things
for them, that they are eventually going to appreciate you and appreciate the things that
you do for them, but you just find yourself never feeling that way.
I mean, they might love bomb you a little bit again, just to do whatever they need to
do to get you back into their spell and under their purview of control but they really don't
ever get back to the full amount of love bombing that they do at the beginning of the relationship
so they go into this devalue phase. So what happens when you try to confront a narcissist
a lot of times what you will see, especially if they are malignant narcissist, that narcissistic
injury that lives deep down inside of them will get inflamed. It's like that scab gets
ripped off and now that narcissistic rage comes flying out. And sometimes you even see
the narcissist collapse and if you want to know more about the bizarre behavior that
happens when a narcissist collapses, check out my video on what happens when a narcissist
collapses, it can be kind of scary and a sort of bizarre thing to watch, but that can happen.
So, the first thing that can happen when you try to go to confront a narcissist, is that
you might just see this escalation of hostility. They realize that maybe a discard is imminent,
either from them against you or you against them. It really doesn't matter but if they
see that their source of supply is starting to be pulled back or waning or potentially
not even going to be there at all anymore, that's when they start to go crazy. And sometimes
they do that just to get a rise out of you, just to get you to be scared, just because
they do get off on that. They get narcissistic supply from watching you squirm, from watching
you be afraid, from intimidating you. So sometimes that escalation happens because they're afraid
or because they want you to be afraid of what they are going to do next.
And if you think that this is so not okay, I want to see a not okay in the comments and
the next thing that happens, the other side of what might happen, if you confront a narcissist
is that they'll just go into what happens when you confront a narcissist with a lie.
And if you want to know more about that, check out my video on what happens when you confront
a narcissist in a lie, but they just basically go into denial. So it's deny, deflect, they
might start future faking. Basically, this is where they'll just start to give you what
I call a fauxpology. "I'm sorry" or "I'm sorry you feel this way," or "Yeah, it happened,
but it's never going to happen again" and "Going forward, here's what life is going
to look like. It's going to be beautiful. It's going to be rosy. Let's just forget about
the past." That's part of the denial. Whatever it is that happened to you or, that you think
happened to you, it's not going to happen again because going forward, everything is
going to be the way you want it to be. And narcissists are great at this and getting
you to believe it. This goes back to sort of a love bombing phase in some ways. Whatever
ways they got you into their web of control, however they were able to ensnare you, that's
what they go back to. And they're extremely charismatic people, very, very good at manipulation,
very, very good at getting you to believe that whatever happened is not going to happen
again, that this time, this is the one time that it's actually going to be better.
"Yes. I know I promised this in the past, but this time it's different and here's why
it's different." So, that's why whatever it is that you're confronting them about, you
should not pay attention to. You should not give any credence to, because going forward
in the future, it's not going to happen again anyway so why should you bother even continuing
to talk about it? So now you may be wondering, "Okay, if confronting them isn't going to
work, how about therapy? How about if I get this person to go to a therapist, will that
work for me? Will I get this narcissist to see the error of his or her ways and finally
start realizing how awful they've been to me and the pain that they've caused and finally
start being a team player and being part of this relationship and acknowledging the things
that I've contributed and, on and on and on." Okay. So let me just save you some time and
save you some money. Narcissists really can't be rehabilitated. I've spoken to a lot of
psychologists in my work with narcissists and in my work as a divorce lawyer, I've had
to talk with a lot of different psychologists and all of them have unanimously told me that
narcissists, even if you can get them to come and participate in therapy, they can't be
rehabilitated. You can't teach them that critical piece that you really want when you're in
a relationship with a narcissist and that is to get them to care, to get them to actually
have compassion for you. They just really do not have the ability to feel anything for
anybody else. They can be taught what the proper thing is to do, what proper behaviors
look like in certain situations. In other words, let's say you're sick, they
can be taught, "Okay, if I am a caring person, what that looks like is, I ask the other person
how they're feeling." That is very vastly different from actually caring about how you're
feeling. You see the difference? And so if I'm giving you advice right now, which you're
watching this, and so I'm going to give you the advice of just going ahead and getting
out of this relationship with this narcissist. When you can, on your own time, watch my videos,
get my resources, be involved with your healing and get yourself to a point where you can
feel comfortable enough to no longer be in a relationship with this person because they
can not be rehabilitated. So if you are getting ready to negotiate with the narcissist, make
sure to grab my free Crush My Negotiation prep worksheet. Thousands of people have downloaded
it and it can be yours too. Just go to winmynegotiation.com and it will be all yours.
And if you like this video, make sure to give it a like, give it a share so that other people
can be helped with this information and make sure to drop me a comment. Let me know that
you don't think that this is okay. Remember, write not okay and, if you haven't subscribed
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And if you want more support, come join me in my free, private Facebook group. It's called
Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung, and we will drop links to all this stuff below
as well. So thanks so much for joining me. I'll see you in the next video. Remember that
today's a great day to start negotiating your best life.