Something I've learned doing this show,
from doing these interviews is I actually get along
with people a lot more than I thought.
-Totally. -We spoke to Jordan Peterson,
who thinks that he shouldn't be forced to call people
by the pronoun of their choice.
What do you think about that?
[ Sarcastically ] Oh, I don't think he should be forced.
Poor man.
He doesn't have to participate in progress or whatever.
But, like, why wouldn't you want to? What, are you busy?
Like, you can't learn a new word?
I want to know what trans people want to be called.
I'm not bothered by that at all.
The college kids sit at the back of the room with air horns,
and as he talks, they just -- they just silence him out.
-Hmm. -Now, that is interrupting
free speech, as far as I'm concerned.
I think that we should let people talk,
and then we can argue whether they're assholes or not.
But just shutting people up like, "No, no,"
with every single thing...
I'd rather let them talk and then have questions.
Yeah, have some questions and then maybe a little bit
of booing right at the end as he leaves.
Yeah.
So, Samantha Bee calls Ivanka Trump a feckless [bleep].
Should comedians ever have to apologize for a joke?
I believe you should only apologize if you feel remorse.
-Hmm. -[ Laughs ]
I think anything else is disingenuous and bullshit.
Is there any word that you just love using
that if the PC brigade just came out and said,
"No, you can't say it anymore;
that's offensive to blah-blah-blah"...
I like saying "pussy."
That could offend all the pussies out there.
It does offend a lot of pussies.
And those pussies are easy to get upset.
'Cause they're pussies.
-They're [bleep] pussies. -Yeah.
So, the chink joke on "Conan." 15 years ago?
It was right before 9/11.
I got a jury-duty notice.
My friend is like, "Well, why don't you write
something really, like, inappropriate on the form
like 'I hate chinks'?"
Then I'm like, "I don't want people
to think I'm racist or something.
I just want to get out of jury duty."
And I wrote "I love chinks."
[ Laughter ]
She could have said, "I hate Chinese people,
I love Chinese people."
Multiply that by the millions of
people that you offended by using that word,
and I think you get a little bit of a sense of what you...
Well, none of my jokes were from a racist place.
No, but how do you get out of jury duty?
You say something racist.
And I used to say the N-word with that joke,
because it was the most horrible racist word I could think of.
-Right. -And then I did "Conan."
And they said, "You can't say it."
And then I go, "Well, maybe I'll say 'dirty Jew.'"
.And then I go, "I can't say 'dirty Jew' or 'kike'
because I'm Jewish and it softens the joke."
And then I go, "Uh, 'chink'?" They go, "Sure."
We're gonna look back at our shit
and cringe if we're doing it right
because time is always changing,
and things are always progressing.
And things don't hold up.
Were you happy that 9/11 came along
to take a bit of heat off you?
Yeah. So happy.
-9/11 was an atrocity. -It was a terrible thing.
-Tragedy. -We were both very upset.
You did some stuff on racism. My bag was misogyny. Right?
I did a lot of misogynistic jokes,
a lot of terrible rape gags.
"Rape gags." [ Laughs ]
Yeah, because I realized after the whole
"grab 'em by the pussy"
and after the election and stuff and I saw all the hatred
that not everyone in the audience was in on the joke,
and some people were taking me seriously.
And that's when I had a problem.
I didn't have a problem such with the jokes,
because I knew they were jokes and I knew what my intent was.
Well, that's what they call "mouthful of blood" laughs.
I used to find the same thing, where people would say,
"Oh, yeah, I love that joke
about black, you know, whatever."
And I go, "Oh, [bleep]. You don't get it at all."
So, how do we better ourselves and still stay edgy?
I just go with what I think is funny,
and that's always changing.
It's not like, "Well, now I'm older
and I'm more sophisticated or whatever."
I mean, I think my last special,
I talk about God [bleep] in your mouth.
But, I mean, I still feel like that's mature.
In my new special coming up,
I do a 15-minute routine on docking.
What's that?
-Oh, you're in for a treat. -Docking?
Docking. So, you need two dicks.
A nice, normal circumcised dick. And then another European fella.
And then you line 'em up. They both get erect.
And then you wrap the head of the foreskin around.
-Oh! -And then they're docked.
And so you can't undock.
The only way you can undock is by peeling a bit of skin off
and letting some air out so you can release gently.
-Oh, it sticks?! The suction. -Yeah, it sticks.
If you pull against it, it's like a Chinese finger trap.
All right? Then you're stuck in there.
But, then, what does the woman do?
There's no woman! It's just two gay guys.
-Ohh. -She could stand off to the side
and applaud as this is happening if she needs to be there.
-Yeah. A nice, like... -Yeah. "Good docking, boys."
-Like that. "Well docked." -White gloves.
Haven't we both matured as comedians?
We have. We're so mature.
[ Cheers and applause ]