On this episode of China Uncensored,
did you fill out your paperwork?
Wait, Shelley -
why does the teleprompter say that?
Hi, welcome to China Uncensored,
I’m your host Chris Chappell.
Tibet.
A land of happiness and freedom,
according to the Chinese Communist Party.
In fact, Tibet’s capital tops state-run CCTV’s poll
as the happiest place in China!
Sorry, Mickey.
I'm sure Shanghai Disneyland
came in a close second.
But unlike Disneyland,
if you try to flee Tibet,
Chinese soldiers will actually shoot you.
But there’s more good news for the happy people
living in Tibet:
It turns out that even after death,
they’ll still feel the loving embrace
of Chinese bureaucracy.
Traditionally, Tibetans Buddhists believe that after death,
their soul re-enters the cycle of samsara,
and they will be reborn based on their karma
or their wishes from a previous life.
Clearly, a slow, inefficient process,
riddled with problems.
Problems that today have been solved—
thanks to the efficiently humming engine of socialism
with Chinese characteristics.
You see, back in 2007,
that old fashioned way of reincarnation was banned.
Now, it’s under the auspices
of the Chinese government.
Yes, I kid you not,
the officially atheist Chinese Communist Party
is bringing the revolution to the afterlife,
streamlining the whole thing by requiring
government permission before reincarnation.
According to the State Administration of Religious Affairs,
this was "an important move to institutionalize
management of reincarnation."
Mmmm.
So to reincarnate you'll need to fill out
Form 99-R, as well as Form 22-EL.
Don't forget Form 108-A.
Make sure you do the calculations
on the back of that one
to get your official karma score.
You'll need to get all of those signed
and notarized in triplicate.
And you'll need to two valid forms of ID,
plus your death certificate.
Piece of cake.
Sure, that may seem like unnecessary
and ridiculous government regulation
of something the Party doesn't even believe in,
but it's there for a reason.
Take a specific case.
Under the sloppy way reincarnation
was handled in the past,
this boy was mistakenly identified
as the Panchen Lama,
the number two religious figure
in Tibetan Buddhism.
The Dalai Lama was the one who identified him.
Fortunately the Chinese government stepped in
and cleared up that mess.
The boy and his family mysteriously disappeared.
And the Chinese Communist Party found someone else
to call the Panchen Lama.
You know this new guy’s the real deal
because he says things like
monks should love the Communist Party.
Meanwhile, the other guy is probably doing ok.
After human rights groups and the UN
repeatedly asked about his whereabouts,
Chinese authorities responded that he's
absolutely fine and living a "normal, happy life."
Authorities went on to say
that he was living on a happy little farm in the countryside,
where he has lots of room to sit around and meditate.
And I’m sure they’ve already filled out the
reincarnation paperwork for him.
But you know who’s a bigger threat to the Communist Party
than a six-year-old boy?
An 81-year-old man!
This 81-year-old man.
That Nazi...
Terrorist...
Wolf in monk’s robes!
Well, he’s not going to live forever.
And I’ll bet the CCP can’t wait to approve
his reincarnation.
Because they’ll make sure the next Dalai Lama
is someone who totally gets what Communism
is all about!
Not someone who interferes with China’s internal affairs,
by—I don’t know—
visiting politically sensitive disputed territory.
See, that pesky, still-living Dalai Lama
just made a visit to the Arunachal Pradesh.
That’s along the border of China and India.
And..surprise!
The Chinese regime claims it’s not Indian territory,
but has been a part of China's sacred territory
since ancient times.
In fact they call it South Tibet.
Kind of like how Los Angeles
is East Beijing.
Needless to say,
the Chinese regime flipped out.
"India, disregarding China's concerns
and persisting to arrange for the Dalai Lama
to go to the eastern sector of the disputed border region
between China and India,
severely harms China's interests
and China-India relations..."
And one Indian official
had the sweetest response.
He basically took a page
out of China’s own playbook.
"India never interferes in internal affairs of China...
so we expect that China also should not
interfere in our internal matters."
State-run China Daily called it “cute,” I guess state-run media can dish it out,
but they can't take it.
But the Dalai Lama’s trip
was about more than needling
the Chinese regime on territory disputes.
It was about the future of Tibetan Buddhism.
The town he visited is also
the historic home of the 6th Dalai Lama,
400 years ago.
There’s also a tradition that
towards the end of his life,
the Dalai Lama will visit the place
he will be reincarnated in.
I mean, you always want to scope out a neighborhood
before you move in.
Is he trying to say the next Dalai Lama
will be found in India,
not China?
Clearly he doesn’t understand
China’s laws on reincarnation.
Some Buddhist master he is!
But here's where the Communist Party
has been playing the long game.
You see, one of the reasons
they kidnapped a 6-year-old child
and installed their own Panchen Lama
in his place
is because the part of the Panchen Lama’s job
is to identify the next Dalai Lama.
So after the Dalai Lama reincarnates
with state approval,
the Communist Party-loving Panchen Lama
will officially find him.
In China.
But the current Dalai Lama
isn't taking this sitting down.
He had this to say last week: "That's, I think frankly speaking, nonsense."
"First, Chinese communists should accept
the theory of rebirth.
Then, second, the Chinese government should recognize
Chairman Mao Zedong's reincarnation.
As well as Deng Xiaoping's reincarnation.
Then there's some logic for showing concern
about Dalai Lama's reincarnation."
Ouch.
I think the Communist Party
might need some lotion for that burn.
I have a feeling the next Party-approved
reincarnation of the Dalai Lama
won't be quite as sassy.
So what do you think of the Chinese Communist Party’s
ban on reincarnation?
Leave your comments below.
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so Beijing will mark you down for a top post
in the next lifetime,
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Thanks for watching this episode of China Uncensored.
Once again I’m your host Chris Chappell,
see you in the next life.