Hey everybody.
Today's video is something a little different, so stay tuned!
So like I said, today's video is a little different than my other ones 好像方才說過，今天的錄像分享和以往的錄像內容有點不同
I received a question last week during my faq videos 我上星期在"常問問題”的錄像分享專欄收到一個提問，
and I decided to hold it because I thought this question 我上星期在"常問問題”的錄像分享專欄收到一個提問，
was something that would be so great to talk about in a Monday video. 我覺得非常適合留待於"星期一錄像”節目中作出討論
So without further ado, here's the question: 事不宜遲，我讀出問題:
It says: Hey Kati, 嗨, 姬蒂,
How much should you excuse someone with depression? 你對受抑鬱症困擾的人會有多大的包容忍耐?
My little sister has been diagnosed 我妹妹被診斷患上抑鬱症及驚恐症。
with severe depression and panic disorder. 我妹妹被診斷患上抑鬱症及驚恐症。
Understandably, she's not herself, 可以理解, 她不再是本來的自己，
she's short tempered and irritable, 她變得易怒和暴燥，同時報復心重和計較。
but also can be quite vindictive and mean. 她變得易怒和暴燥，同時報復心重和計較。
She used to be really sweet, 她原本很可親，
and I understand this is part of her illness 我明白這是她的病癥，
and I just let it go, 而且也嘗試放手，
but she does it to our baby sister too 但連我們仍是嬰孩的幼妹也遭殃
(and she can't understand that it's not her fault) (幼妹並沒有能力知道這並不是她的錯)。
As a family, 作為家人，
we've been letting her take her frustrations out on everybody, 我們一直容忍她向我們發洩她的挫敗感，
and I wondered if that's the right thing to do? 我很困惑我們做得對嗎?
I have a very good relationship with her, 我一直和她有很好的關係，
and often will gently tell her afterwards 事後我常會客氣地問她會否覺得自己有時對人粗暴無禮。
if I think she's been particularly harsh to someone else. 事後我常會客氣地問她會否覺得自己有時對人粗暴無禮。
Sometimes it upsets her, 這有時令她不快，
and I worry that I'm just adding to her negative voices. 我擔心我這樣做會增加她對自己的負面聲音
Is it best to let her know when she's being hurtful? 當她傷害人時讓她知道，是否最好的做法?
Or to give her a break from any criticism 還是讓她免受批評，
in order to build herself up against her negative voices? 從而幫助她從負面的聲音中重新振作?
I love her so much, 我非常愛她，
and I want to do what's best to help her, 我希望能盡力幫到她，
but I don't want our baby sister to feel hurt either. Help! 但我又不想幼妹受傷害。
Now I thought this was a great question 這是個大難題，
because of the fact that I often 因為我經常要和正在面對情緒困擾的人說話。
speak mainly to the people themselves 因為我經常要和正在面對情緒困擾的人說話。
who are struggling with the mental illness. 因為我經常要和正在面對情緒困擾的人說話。
And I don't always talk to how the family can feel. 我沒有經常談及家人可以如何感受
And I know many of us have family members or loved ones 我知道我們不少人都有家人正在與精神病搏鬥。
who struggle with mental illness. 我知道我們不少人都有家人正在與精神病搏鬥。
And how much is too much to let them get away with? 究竟多少才是過份縱容?
That's a great question, right? 這是一個大問題，對嗎?
And in my practice, 在我的實務裡，
I would take a three-step approach. 我會採用一個三步的取向
The first being family therapy. 首先是家庭治療
The second being externalising the problem. 第二是將問題外化
And the third would be seeking your own personal therapy. 第三是尋找合適你的個人輔導
Now the first. Going back to the first 首先回到家庭治療，
Seeking family therapy. 首先回到家庭治療，
Why would I recommend that? 我為什麼這樣建議?
I would recommend family therapy to people because it gives you 這是因家庭治療能讓你們
a safe place to talk about the things you struggle to talk about 有一個安全的地方去講
in your everyday life. 你們每天日常生活中的掙扎
We don't often have times in our lives 我們通常沒有時間大家坐在一起，
where we're sitting around together, 我們通常沒有時間大家坐在一起，
where everybody feels safe to talk about things, 每個人都可安心傾談，
where there is a mediator, 有調解員，
someone like your therapist, 例如是你的治療師，
is there to help make sure 幫助每一個人都能被聆聽，沒有人感到被踐踏。
everyone gets heard and no one gets stepped on. 幫助每一個人都能被聆聽，沒有人感到被踐踏。
We don't have that setup in our regular lives. 我們的日常生活並沒有這些安排，
And that's why it's important 因此要去尋找和創造這種機會，
to seek it out and create it. 因此要去尋找和創造這種機會，
Find a therapist that none of you've seen before, 找一個你們都沒有見過
that sees families and deals with depression 而在處理家庭和抑鬱症有經驗的治療師
It would be a great experience for all of you 能有地方安心地抒發
and a safe place to vent about what's going on in your family. 家庭正經歷的事情會是一種很好的經驗。
Now the second thing. Externalising the problem 現在到第二步，把問題外化
I know this sounds silly, but it can really really help the person 我想聽起來有點怪，但這做法
who's struggling with the mental illness, if we do this. 對正在和精神病搏鬥的人是很有用的
Externalising the problem means that instead of saying to them, 把問題外化是指，不要說
"You made me feel this way" or ”你令我感到這樣” 或是
"When you did that, ”當你這樣做，
I felt terrible and that was really hurtful". 我的感覺很差、覺真的很受傷害”
Instead of having those kinds of arguments/conversations, 不要作出爭辯，
it can really help to say, "You know, 可以說”你知道嗎，
when the depression came into our family, I really struggled. 自從抑鬱闖入我們的家庭之後，我真的很掙扎，
And now the depression is everywhere. 現在抑鬱的影響好像無處不在，
It's ruining our relationship." 正在摧毀我們的關係。”
It can help the person not feel so at fault 這有助當事人不會覺得全都是自己的錯，
And it can also help them see relief from their problem 也能幫助他/她從問題中解脫出來
and realise it's not them, it's their depression. 和看見他/她不是問題，抑鬱才是問題。
Now the third thing, 現在到尋找個人輔導
is seeking your own personal therapy. 現在到尋找個人輔導
And the reason why I recommend this to my clients, 我會作此建議,
if I'm seeing them in a family setting, 如果當我以家庭的方式見他們時，
is if the family setting isn't enough. 看見單靠家庭介入並不足夠。
It's very very normal 感得心力交瘁、
to feel exhausted, to be frustrated, 感到挫敗、感到不知所措、
to not know what to do, to almost feel trapped because 感到陷入困境是十分正常的 ，
we don't want to hurt the person with mental illness 因為我們實在不想傷害
more than they are already hurting. 已受到精神病傷害的家人。
Yet we're hurting. 可是我們同樣經歷傷害
And so to have our own personal therapy, 因此有自己的個人治療，
without the family around, 在沒有家人一起的情況下，
can be a safe place to vent 安心宣泄感受，
all those feelings you have, 包括掛慮、傷害和挫折感
all those things that bubble up, 包括掛慮、傷害和挫折感
all the frustrations and the hurts. 包括掛慮、傷害和挫折感
And it can be a nice place 這也是你去照顧愛護自己的好地方
for you to work on taking care of you. 這也是你去照顧愛護自己的好地方
Because when we're caring for someone else, 因為照顧別人
it can be really exhausting, 可以是非常疲累和費心力的事
and really tiring. 可以是非常疲累和費心力的事
And we have to make sure that we're taking doubly good care of ourselves 因此我們一定要給自己雙倍的照顧，
in order to not only care for ourselves, but care for someone else. 只有照顧好自己才可以好好照顧別人。
I know it's really difficult to have someone in our family struggle with mental illness 家中有人要和精神病搏鬥，是非常耗心力的，
And it can be really exhausting, not only for the person with the mental illness. 家中有人要和精神病搏鬥，是非常耗心力的，
but for the entire family. 不單是患者，而是整個家庭。
So make sure that you 因此要採取
are taking proper precautions and steps 足夠的防預措施
in order to help your family deal with it 讓家庭能夠處理當中的挑戰，
and help yourself, 和幫助自己、
take good care of yourself, 照顧自已，
so you can continue to help 以致你能照顧所愛的人。
those that you love so much. 以致你能照顧所愛的人。
I hope this video was helpful. 我希望這錄像對你有用。
If any of you have any information, or tips and tricks
that have worked for your family, as always, share your comments below.
And don't forget to subscribe to my channel because
I put out videos five days a week,
and you don't want to miss them.
Until next time, let's work towards
a healthy mind, and a healthy body
Subtitles by the Amara.org community