>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW MY FIRST GUEST FROM
"DIFFICULT PEOPLE" AND OF COURSE, "BILLY ON THE STREET."
HE NOW STARS IN "AMERICAN HORROR STORY: CULT."
( SCREAMING ) WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME IN.
>> ANSWERS.
OKAY.
WHAT HAPPENED TO MEADOW.
KYLE WANTED ALI TO SAVE HER.
I LET HER DO IT.
I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS GOING TO BLOW HER BRAINS OUT.
>> YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, YOU'RE HER HUSBAND AND LET HER BE
MANIPULATED.
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT KILLING OUR WIVES?
>> I DIDN'T KILL HER.
HER DEATH HAD MORE MEANING THAG ANY MOMENT IN HER PATHETIC
LIFE.
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME BILLY EICHNER!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU.
THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU.
THANK YOU.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
>> Stephen: HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
THERE WAS AN EXTRA BANANA COSTUME BACKSTAGE SO HERE WE
ARE.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
BILLY, IT'S A REALLY STUNNING CLIP, IS IT MOSTLY JUST DRAMA
FOR YOU NOW?
>> AS YOU CAN SEE, I HAVE BECOME A VERY SERIOUS ACTOR.
( LAUGHTER ) I'M REALLY A CHAMELEON.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M HERE TO TALK ABOUT.
>> Stephen: WHAT ARE YOU HERE TO TALK ABOUT?
>> I HATE DONALD TRUMP SO MUCH.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT LYING PIECE OF (BLEEP).
( CHEERING ) I AM SICK OF DONALD TRUMP, WITH
EVERYBODY WHO ASSOCIATES WITH HIM, AND TODAY IS JUST THE
BEGINNING.
ALL THE SHOES ARE BEGINNING TO DROP AND I AM HERE FOR IT.
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU DON'T AGREE WITH ME?
( CHEERING ) >> Stephen: I THINK.
NO, HOLD ON A SECOND.
YOU THINK HALLOWEEN IS SO INNOCENT?
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, ANYBODY CELEBRATING HALLOWEEN
THIS YEAR IS COMPLICIT!
HALLOWEEN IS COMPLICIT!
THIS IS NOT A GAME!
>> Stephen: HOW IS THAT COMPLIES IT?
>> MY NIECE WANTS TO DRESS UP AS WONDER WOMAN TOMORROW NIGHT.
I TOLD HER, NO YOU'RE NOT, AND I AM DRESSING HER UP AS
CONGRESSWOMAN LISA MURKOWSKI FROM ALASKA.
THAT'S RIGHT, AND INSTEAD OF WALKING AROUND WITH A WONDER
WOMAN SHIELD, HER JOB IS TO HOLD ALL CHILDREN ACCOUNTABLE.
OKAY?
( LAUGHTER ) YOUR KIDS SHOULDN'T BE LOOKING
FOR CANDY TOMORROW NIGHT, THEY SHOULD BE LOOKING FOR ANSWERS.
ALL RIGHT?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.
PEOPLE DOING THE MONSTER MASH, THEY SAYATES GRAVEYARD
SMASH.
IT'S NOT, IT'S A DISTRACTION, OKAY?
YOU SEE PUMPKIN CARVING, I SEE BULLYING.
YOU SEE CASPER THE FRIENDLY GHOST, YOU KNOW WHAT I SEE WHEN
I LOOK AT CASPER THE FRIENDLY GHOST IN WHITE PRIVILEGE.
( LAUGHTER ) I'M SICK OF IT.
>> Stephen: SO WHAT ELSE IS ON YOUR MIND?
OTHER THAN THAT.
>> EVERYTHING ELSE IS GOING REALLY WELL FOR ME, YEAH.
>> Stephen: AS WELL IT SHOULD.
YEAH, I LOVE DOING "AMERICAN HORROR STORY: CULT," VERY FUN
EXPERIENCE.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> THANK YOU!
AND WHAT AN HONOR IT MUST HAVE BEEN FOR SARAH PAULSON TO WORK
WITH ME.
>> Stephen: ABSOLUTELY, ABSOLUTELY.
I NOTICED BECAUSE YOU'RE WEARING A VERY, VERY TIGHT YELLOW
UNITARD, I WOULD SAY, ONE PIECE UNDERNEATH THE BANANA.
>> QUESTION.
YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO FIND OUT.
>> Stephen: COULD I CHECK OUT THE GUNS?
>> OH, SURE.
LOOK AT THAT.
>> Stephen: LOOK AT THIS.
THAT'S RIGHT.
THIS BANANA IS RIPPED.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
AS MUCH AS I TRY TO BE HEALTHY, PEOPLE STILL GET ON ME.
I DON'T EVEN CONSIDER IT A VICE.
ONCE IN A WHILE I LIKE A SODA.
I LIKE A DIET COKE.
>> Stephen: IT'S REFRESHING.
RIGHT, IT'S VERY REFRESHING.
IT'S A THIRST-QUENCHER, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: SURE.
I HAVE A DIET COKE AND MY GAY FRIENDS SAY, YOU'RE DRINKING
DIET COKE?
I'M, LIKE, YOU DO COCAINE!
( APPLAUSE ) THEY'RE LITERALLY ON CRYSTAL
METH AND I CAN'T HAVE ONE DIET COKE?
THINGS ARE OUT OF HAND.
>> Stephen: I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS BAD BLOOD BETWEEN THE
TBAI COMMUNITY AND DIET COKE COMMUNITY.
I IDENTIFY AS A DIET COKE LOVER AND I ALSO LOVE THE GAY
COMMUNITY.
DO I HAVE TO CHOOSE?
>> NO, YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU WANT IN THIS LIFE.
YOU DON'T NEED TO SPECIFY A PREFERENCE, DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT
TO YOU.
>> Stephen: SODA IDENTITY IS FLUID, THEY SAY.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> SO WHEN'S LETTERMAN COMING BACK?
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: "AMERICAN HORROR STORY: CULT," LET ME ASK YOU
THIS.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: I DON'T THINK OF YOU AS A DRAMATIC ACTOR.
I THINK OF YOU AS A VERY FUNNY GUY.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU INSULTED I DON'T THINK OF YOU AS A DRAMATIC
ACTOR?
>> NO, BEFORE I GOT INTO COMEDY AND "BILLY ON THE STREET," I
WENT TO NORTHWESTERN.
>> Stephen: SO DID I.
WE TALKED ABOUT THIS, WE'RE BOTH THEATER MAJORS, I JUST
WANTED TO BE AN ACTOR.
I WANTED TO BE LIKE JOHN MALKOVICH.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
I THINK HE'S A FINE ACTOR.
>> Stephen: HE'S A GREAT ACTOR.
>> YEAH, I'M JUST NAMING ONE PERSON.
( LAUGHTER ) SO I WAS DOING PLAYS AND
THEATER.
I DID A LOT OF THINGS.
I STUMBLED INTO COMEDY.
>> Stephen: HOW DID YOU STUMBLE INTO IT?
IF YOU WERE GOING TO BE WHAT WE CALL A STRAIGHT DRAMATIC ACTOR,
HOW DID YOU STUMBLE INTO COMEDY?
( LAUGHTER ) >> WELL, I -- I WOULD SAY --
( LAUGHTER ) -- THAT --
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
VERY DONALD TRUMP OF YOU, BY THE WAY.
>> Stephen: DO YOU MISS "BILLY ON THE STREET" EVER?
>> I DO MISS "BILLY ON THE STREET" SOMETIMES.
I HOPE TO GET BACK TO "BILLY ON THE STREET" SOON, BUT I LIKE
PLAYING "BILLY ON THE STREET" GAMES.
SO WHEN I'M NOT SHOOTING "BILLY ON THE STREET," I MISS PLAYING
THOSE GAMES.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
I ACTUALLY HAVE A GAME I WROTE BECAUSE I'M NOT FEELING
"BILLY ON THE STREET," WHICH I WOULD LIKE TO PLAY WITH YOU
TONIGHT.
CAN WE PLAY THIS GAME?
>> Stephen: SURE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT.
>> YOU GUYS WANT TO SEE US PLAY THE GAME?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THIS IS A GAME I WROTE
SPECIFICALLY FOR TONIGHT BECAUSE HALLOWEEN IS TOMORROW.
I WOULD SAY ONE OF MIGHT BE NOT MY FAVORITE MOVIES BUT A GUILTY
PLEASURE IS THE MOVIE HOCUS POCUS, WHICH IS LIKE A HALLOWEEN
CLASSIC.
>> Stephen: YEAH, OF COURSE.
O I WROTE A GAME JUST FOR YOU CALLED HOCUS POCUS OR
TRUMP'S WHITE HOUSE.
( LAUGHTER ) AND I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A
FACT, AND YOU HAVE TO TELL ME IF THIS FACT IS FOR THE MOVIE HOCUS
POCUS, TRUMP'S WHITE HOUSE, OR BOTH.
>> Stephen: DO WE NEED A CLOCK?
>> YES, WE CAN PUT A CLOCK ON IT.
>> Stephen: HOW MUCH TIME?
I DON'T KNOW, 60 SECONDS.
>> Stephen: LET'S GET 60 SECONDS ON THIS.
SOMEBODY KEEP A WATCH.
I'LL GET OVER HERE WITH YOU THIS WAY.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE THE QUIZ MASTER AND WE'RE
ON THE SAME LEVEL.
>> GREAT.
>> Stephen: 60 SECONDS.
HIT THE BUZZER IN 60 SECONDS.
>> IF YOU THINK IT'S HOCUS POCUS, SAY HO CUES POSUS.
IF TRUMP WHITE HOUSE, SAY TRUMP WHITE HOUSE.
IF BOTH, BOTH.
>> Stephen: GO.
AWAY WE GO!
FEATURES A BUNCH OF EVIL HATEFUL WOMEN.
>> Stephen: BOTH.
YES BOTH!
YES!
HAS INSPIRED BETTE MIDLER TO DO A LOT OF SCREAMING AND
COMPLAINING.
>> Stephen: BOTH.
YES, BOTH!
FEATURES HOMOPHOBES.
>> Stephen: TRUMP WHITE HOUSE.
TRUMP'S WHITE HOUSE, YES!
FEATURES MISOGYNISTS.
>> Stephen: TRUMP'S WHITE HOUSE.
>> THAT'S CORRECT!
>> Stephen: FEATURES KATHY FROM SISTER ACT.
>> Stephen: HOCUS POCUS.
INSPIRES ME WANT TO REACH THROUGH THE TV AND SHAKE SARAH
HUCKABEE SANDERS SAYING WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!
>> Stephen: TRUMP WHITE HOUSE.
INSPIRES ME TO WANT TO REACH WILTHROUGH THE SCREEN AND SHAKE
SARAH JESSICA PARKER WHILE SCREAMING WHY ARE YOU DOING
THIS?
H>> Stephen: HOCUS POCUS.
>> CARLSEN BELIEVES IT'S REAL.
>> Stephen: BOTH!
EEMS LIKE IT STARTED ALMOST AS A JOKE BUT NOW FOR SOME
REASON WE HAVE TO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.
>> Stephen: TRUMP'S WHITE HOUSE.
>> NO, BOTH!
>> Stephen: WHAT?
YES!
HAS MANAGED TO CON A LOT OF GULLIBLE PEOPLE INTO THINKING
IT'S GOOD.
>> Stephen: BOTH.
BOTH, YES!
I KNOW IT'S TERRIBLE BUT I'M ALWAYS WATCHING IT.
>> Stephen: BOTH.
YES, THAT'S CORRECT.
THERE AREN'T MANY BLACK PEOPLE IN IT.
>> Stephen: BOTH.
CORRECT.
WURNT REALLY POPULAR AT FIRST BUT BECAME POP LAW THROUGH AN
INTENSE ALMOST CULT LIKE FOLLOWING ONLINE.
>> Stephen: BOTH.
CORRECT!
ENDS WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE GOING TO JAIL.
>> Stephen: BOTH.
NO, TRUMP'S WHITE HOUSE!
( LAUGHTER ) ENDS WITH AN UNCREDITED CAMEO BY
PENNY MARSHALL!
>> Stephen: BOTH!
NO, HOCUS POCUS!
>> Stephen: WE DON'T KNOW!
YOU WIN ANYWAY!
>> STEPHEN: "AMERICAN HORROR STORY: CULT" AIRS TUESDAYS
ON FX.
BILLY EICHNER, EVERYBODY!