- I recently had a birthday party
that my parents planned for me,
but this video is not about them.
Cool, did we get it? Yo, it's totally about them.
What up everyone, it's your girl Superwoman.
And don't let the title fool you, okay.
It doesn't matter if you're brown or not,
I guarantee you'll be able to relate to this video.
Because it's less of a brown thing
and more of a universal parents thing, right.
I feel like some things
regardless of what color your skin is,
what religion you are and how old you are,
some things all parents do.
For example, for sure no matter what,
your parents are hypocrites.
I'm sure at least once your parents have asked you,
"Teach me how to do the Facebook."
Maybe in a different accent.
And I'm pretty sure when you taught your parents
how to use Facebook they kept asking,
"One click or two click?"
And it doesn't matter what you said
they would keep double-clicking everything.
Ya see, I know your parents, it's science.
The first thing parents do when planning a surprise party,
is unnecessarily go out of their way to lie about something
and explain things, that to be honest,
you probably wouldn't even question in the first place.
- Lily, I need you to be home on 28th.
- Cool.
- Because painter is coming.
- 'Kay.
- We painting ceiling in the kitchen.
- Why?
- Oh my God, so many questions, huh?
We painting ceiling because look so much paint are chipping
because of very fat raccoons on roof ruining everything.
- Wait you've seen them?
Oh yeah I've seen thirty pound big raccoon on roof,
other day when I was coming inside bringing in grocery,
that day milk was on sale.
I remember this day because I wake up and oh my head
hurting because I sleep on pillow like this and I need
to get medicine from grocery store that's why
I'm telling you.
- Okay.
- Anyways, be home on 28th okay?
Maybe dress nice, whatever I don't care.
- Here's the thing, right.
I truly believe in my heart, in my 'dil'
that my parents think they're being slick.
Like I can see it in my mom's face.
I remember when we were planning my dad's surprise party,
my mom had this smirk the whole time like
'I am so smart.'
The plan was really simple, I'm gonna fly from LA
back to Toronto, surprise my dad for his birthday.
That was the plan.
My mom though: "Ok Lilly this what we're going to do, okay"
"I'm going to text you, then you're going to call,
and I'm going to say 'oh Lilly what you doing',
and you're going to say 'oh not traveling anywhere
because I have lots and lots of meetings'"
(shushing noise)
She thought she was a genius.
I'm like 'Stop. Stop. Okay this plot more complicated
than Game of Thrones.'
One time I fainted beside my dad while holding his hand
and he didn't notice.
I really think he's not gonna figure this out.
'Oh I'm so smart, huh.'
And here's the thing about surprise parties right.
There's one thing that is critical
for a surprise party to work.
What is that?
Punctuality.
Here's the problem though:
Brown people are goddamn late all the time no matter what.
All brown people, always like right now it's September 11th,
I was supposed to get my period September 5th, okay.
And you already know my lonely self aint pregnant, so late.
Without fail, at every single surprise party,
this has happened.
- Okay everybody ready, Paramjeet bringing Lily here
two minute, get up okay, when she walk we have to say
'surprise!'
- Surprise!
- No No No, that's not Lily, hello please come in.
Lily coming just now.
- Hello everybody.
- Okay. Hurry. Quicker. Little bit quick. Okay. Hello.
Thank you. Okay.
- Uncle, is this a surprise for Lilly?
(shushing)
- Happy Birthday.
- Oh my god, it's a surprise!
(screams)
- Oi Oi! Why you keep walking that way?
Lilly coming just now; don't walk that way.
- I need to use the washroom.
- Lilly coming right now.
- Surprise.
- She not here yet!
- So I can use washroom?
- Everybody shut up okay?
- I'm going to use washroom.
(screams)
- If you're gonna be late, just be really late
brown people, okay lean in to your strengths.
Also don't have kids.
Except this kid.
(kissing noises)
I'm laughing because this is so true.
Like I feel like I'm not even making a video.
This is a retelling of my life to be honest.
It doesn't even matter what happens at a surprise party
because before the surprise party
for sure this is gonna happen because for some reason
the pressure of a surprise stresses my family out so much.
So how long did the painters say it would take?
- Okay fine, we throwing you a surprise party. Okay?
- What? Wait why did you tell me?
- Just act surprised okay? All your friends inside, go.
- Surprise!
- When Lilly getting here?
- Really? Even in this situation you had to have control
like I just can't even tell you how many times
this happened, even Christmas morning, okay?
I'll pick up my gift, it's still wrapped,
I'll pick it up, and my mom will be like
"Oh yeah you know it's something small
just go you new pajama with a teddy bear on it."
Why did you wrap the--why waste the wrapping paper
if you're just gonna tell me when I put my pinkie
on the gift?
I can already hear my mom saying "you know when I was
your age I never bloody got surprise, okay,
you don't get one either!"
And then to make things even worse,
once I'm in the party, I can't even enjoy the
benefits of it being my birthday because of this:
- Happy Birthday Lilly, this is for you.
- Thank--
- No No. I said no gifts.
- What you mean? It's her birthday.
- Th-
- No, that's okay. No need.
- She is like my daughter too.
- No no really. We're fine.
- Don't be silly.
- No you silly.
- Take it.
- No we're good. We're good. She good. Me good.
We all good. Thank you, no.
- Please.
- No no no no no. - Please.
- No.
- Please. Please. Please Take it.
- No. - No.No.Take it.
- Thank you. No.
- That's okay take it.
- And I'm just standing there like
'Yes, hello, I would like the gift.'
And we all know what the gifts are.
From my aunties and Uncles every single year
I get the same thing it's either 51 dollars
or 101 dollars okay, 'one dollar for good luck.'
So why are you taking all this money away from me
that could be mine? I got bills to pay.
I just don't understand why Indian people
think it's rude to accept birthday gifts
on your birthday like mom what did you think
was going to happen at the surprise birthday party?
And without fail, every single brown party,
it doesn't matter if it's a birthday, anniversary,
retirement, it doesn't matter, because without fail,
this is going to happen after:
- Yesterday was a nice party, huh?
- Yeah.
- Very nice.
- But you know...
- Here we go.
- Dheepi didn't even say hi to me.
She never say hi to me. Even last party, nothing.
- You see how much Harpreet drank,
then he wonder why he so...
- Billo wore same suit as Priti's wedding
what we not good enough to see new suit, huh?
- Her daughter she tell me she drinking water,
I know it vodka.
- You see Raja came late? And without his wife?
- Why do you guys care?
- I don't care. No No No I don't even notice these things.
Doesn't matter to me so what?
By the way Gita looked pregnant again.
- Straight up my mom and dad could run circles
around TMZ just like 'Oh you think this is gossip?
No no, okay, I show you gossip, you know what gossip?
You see the way Bobby looking at Sonya?
He look at her the way I look at samosas.'
What up t-shirt reference, ah you see that?
It says it right there, it's a reference, okay hold on.
Look, right there, see 'He looks at me the way
I look at samosas.' See that. I did it.
I did it everyone. I got it in the end card.
Wait did I say it?
What up t-shirt reference-- got it in the end card.
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One love Superwoman; that is a wrap, and Zoop!