﻿How Manners Maketh The Man [0:00:00]
Manners maketh the man. Do you know what that means? No? Well, let me give you a lesson.
The origins of the proverb, “manners maketh man”, are attributed to William Horman. In 1519,
he wrote the book, Vulgaria, which meant common sayings. As a headmaster
at Eaton school in England, he simply put down information which for him was common knowledge
and he wanted all of his students to know. But what does manners make of man actually
mean? And, by the way, the word man does not just refer to men,
but to all humankind. What this simple proverb does is extol the virtues of good manners.
Manners apply to how you speak, they apply to your tone of voice, your gestures, and your actions.
In fact, it's been argued what distinguishes human beings from animals is good manners.
So, with all that being said, what exactly are manners and which ones does a modern man need to
know? Find out, gents, in today's video. [Music]
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Look at that. I kept it short. Good manners, right?
So, the first set of manners I’m going to talk about are general respect manners This
is you being mindful of other human beings. Starting this off, the word,
please. You can use this in any request, sometimes in a question.
The word, please, just simply acknowledges that you're asking
another human being who is your equal to do something. Now, can you overuse it? Perhaps,
but I find in today's society that is rare. Next up, we've got the word, thank you.
This is a common expression of gratitude. Anytime somebody does something for you,
you want to thank them with a verbal thank you or in some cases send a note.
Next up, let's talk about interrupting others. This is when others are speaking, when they're
doing something and you are going to step in. In general, you don't want to do this, but if you
need to, make sure to use the word, excuse me. Now, using the word, excuse me, is also a polite
way to grab somebody's attention or to ask them to repeat themselves.
The next set of respect manners, I’m going to steal from the book,
The Four Agreements. And if you've read this great book, you know the first agreement
is be impeccable with your word. What this means is that your words are very powerful. Only say
what you mean and mean everything that you say. Gossip, talking about people behind their backs.
We're all guilty of it. I am guilty of it. And why do we do it? I don't know,
maybe it feels good. It's something we don't have the courage to say to that person's face.
Point being is think about what you're saying and be impeccable with your word.
Right with that, let's talk about criticism. Criticism in public, shaming somebody in front
of other people, I view this as bad matters. I think there's better ways to approach this.
For me, if I'm going to criticize -- and I do think it's necessary sometimes to be truthful
with people -- do this in private. Publicly, I think that you should compliment and build up.
Now, for this next set, we'll call them the physical interaction manners. Example being,
when you meet somebody for the first time, you need to introduce yourself. Shake their hand,
do the fist bump, but make sure that they know your name and that you get theirs.
Next up, eye contact. If you're speaking to somebody if they're speaking to you,
you want to give them the respect of your attention and eye contact is a very clear
sign that you are paying attention. In the western world, about 60 to 70 of
the time you want to maintain eye contact. I know some of you guys over in the east
some of you guys over in maybe India, some of you guys over in South America,
rules are maybe a little bit different. So, let me know down in the comments how
some of these rules because I know all these mannerisms they change from culture to culture,
country to country. And I want to hear from you guys down in the comments if you agree, disagree,
you've got something to add to make this video better, make sure to let me know down below.
Now, this next one for some reason is controversial in certain circles,
but we're talking about opening doors and holding doors. My general rule and this applies to all
manners is to be mindful of other people. I don’t like to have a door slammed on my face.
So, if someone is a few steps behind me and I have a door here that I just
opened and it's closing fast, I will hold it, so it doesn't slam on that person.
If they're 20 feet away and I recognize that that person is carrying a lot of things with both
hands, I will wait there and hold the door open. Now, what about when it comes to men, women,
children? Do you open doors for one and not open them for others? I open them for everybody. To me,
it's just simply a nice thing to hold open the door for a person that you're with.
But, what if the person is not with you? What if they're 15 feet from the door? What if she's
a raging feminist? [0:05:00]
Guys, I think you're overthinking this. At the end of the day, treat people with respect,
all people with respect and you're not going to have any issues. And if somebody does complain
about you being a considerate human being, yeah, you're not the one with the problem.
Also, on this list, public transportation. Give up your seat to somebody that may need it,
a pregnant woman, an older guy, somebody that looks really tired.
And let's talk about getting on and off an elevator. Let people off the elevator first,
let them off the tram first and then get on. Now, this next one drives my wife nuts because
she comes from a culture in which this is the normal in family in which they practice
this. When she came visiting here in the United States my family and we didn't always practice
it and it was something she was shocked by. And that is when you visit somebody, everyone in
the home that you're visiting should actually come meet the visitor. You should introduce
yourselves, you should say hello to them, you should ask how they're doing.
Yes, you may be into your video games, you may be watching your favorite television show,
but we don't gather around the television like it's a fire and all watch television. No,
we actually should meet and we should interact. That's the whole purpose of meeting.
I’m not going to call anyone out in my family, but it was something that I had
brought to my attention. And now, I know at my home, we enforce with them my kids. I make sure
any time we've got a visitor, that everyone comes down to greet the visitor.
Next up, when you bump into somebody unintentionally,
let them know it was unintentional by saying, excuse me. It's a small thing, but it matters.
Next up, we've got meal manners. And the first thing I will say here is observe the customs of
others. Whether it’d be your neighbor and you're over for a meal with them,
whether you're out in another country with a group of friends, observe what is going on and follow.
Case in point, my neighbors are very religious people. Whenever we break bread with them whether
it’d be at their home or our home, we know what they observe. We know what matters to them,
so we always let them lead in a prayer. We don't necessarily do that at my home,
but it is something that I understand it's important to them, so we have good manners
and we acknowledge, we observe their belief. And let's talk about when to eat. A lot of
people they sit down, they're used to eating by themselves and so,
they're served they start eating. But, if you're in a group of people, if you're
eating with the family, is everyone served? Usually, you wait till everyone is served. If
it's a small party, we're talking five to six people. If it's a larger party,
more than eight people. In that case, if 75%, 50% of the people have been served on really
large ones, you can begin eating. You can also ask permission, “Hey, is it okay if I start to eat?”
Again, they may be waiting to say a prayer, it may be something that they want to make sure everyone
is seated, they're going to do a toast. I know in my family, we like to do toasts. So, things like
this are important to observe and to understand. Other basic rules, whenever you're seated,
put your napkin on your lap, no elbows on the table. And whenever you're chewing your food,
chew with your mouth close. Don't talk with your mouth full.
If you need to burp, try to do it silently. If you need to get
up to use the bathroom while other people are still seated, you will simply say, excuse me,
get up and make sure to push your chair back in. Next up, we're going to cover the hygiene manners.
If you're going to cough, if you're going to sneeze, make sure to cover your mouth
with your hand or cover it with your elbow. Don't pick your nose in public. And to prevent
this, make sure in private to use tissue when cleaning your nose. Wash your hands
after using the bathroom, before eating a meal, or before handling any food.
And I can’t believe this still needs to be said, but don't clip your nails, don't floss your teeth,
and don't brush your hair in public. Now, gents, if you think this world can
use more people with better manners, do me a favor. Smash that like button. Gents, when you
guys interact with these videos, they find more men just like you who can use this information.
Next, we've got attention manners. And in today's modern world, these are severely lacking for most
people. First, remember a person's name. When you're introduced to them, say their name. Make
sure you get the pronunciation right and find a way to associate it, so you remember it.
Seriously, there's all this research out there that shows that people
love the sound of their name. And they hate it whenever somebody gets their name wrong,
says the wrong name, mispronounces it. So, start off on the right foot and just simply
get how do they say their name, not how you think it should be said and then say it appropriately.
Next up, make sure to listen and show interest, even if that person is boring, even if you've
had this conversation before, even if you would rather be somewhere else. People are so bad at
this nowadays. They don't know how to be bored. In fact, they've got to reach in and they've got
to grab their phone. Another big mistake, do not pull out your phone. Don't even put it on the
table. They've shown that even having that phone out on the table between you and somebody else
creates a bit of division between you. And you don't want to have that because it is
a diversion. It is something that you're thinking about it, you're seeing it. And we are addicted
to our phones say, “Oh! I’ll put a book out there. I’ll be reading a book.” No! Engage.
And what I’m talking about here is showing respect to this other human being who you
want to have a conversation. If you're not having a great conversation, well,
maybe close it. But, while you're having that conversation, be fully vested be fully there.
Now, what if you've got to make that call? What if you've got to send out that text?
Then, excuse yourself from the conversation and go make it happen. And if you're going to
be on a phone call, make sure to take that in another room away from other people.
[0:10:15] Here's the thing. Yes, they
may be talking and having their conversation, but your conversation is interrupting theirs. You need
to be aware of that. I think it's best to take things outside to take them into another space.
Now, this next one I think really applies to modern men and this is communication manners.
First up, let's talk about timeliness, how quickly do you respond to people. And I think
it's different in business or in personal life. In your personal life, I think you got a little
bit more leeway. Two to three days, if you --somebody leaves a message for you on your phone,
they send you an email, it may take you a few days to get back to them.
And as long as you're consistent and they know what you view as timeliness is,
you guys have that unspoken agreement, you're probably be good to go.
In business, a little bit different especially if you're in customer service, minutes, an hour
may actually seem like too long to somebody whose website is down and they need help. But, if you're
the CEO of the company and people are sending you messages, sending you emails, it may be something,
hey, I usually get back to people in the same work day a few hours or it could be something I get
back to them within one or to two working days. Whatever it is you have set and is your precedent,
that is going to be key to make sure to maintain that.
Next up, let's talk language. Now, there's a reason here at Real Men Real Style I’m not
dropping the f-bombs all the time because I know that a lot of people out there watching my videos
are young, are maybe 14 years old, 12 years old. My daughters will occasionally watch my videos
because they want to see what dad is doing. So, I keep things PG,
sometimes PG13. Point is I know who my audience is and you need to know who your audience is.
If you're on the east coast, you're around a bunch of guys, yeah, you can drop those f-bombs. But,
you need to be aware if you're going to go meet your girlfriend's parents and
they're from the Midwest, you dropping those f-bombs is not going to, yeah.
I’m sure some of you guys have some stories you can share down in the comments. But,
you have to realize who are you speaking with and how they can be offended by something
you don't even think second about saying. Another bit of modern manners I think every
guy needs to know is whenever you're engaging with somebody one-on-one,
they assume, I think most people do that this is going to stay private between you and them.
And if you're having a conversation, you put that person on speaker phone, let them know
they are now on speakerphone especially if other people can hear them. And if you're joining a
group call, make sure to announce yourself. Point being is all of a sudden when the -- it
expands out, you want to let that person know that you're going to Cc other people, you're going to
bring other people into the conversation, that right there is just good manners.
And this one's just my personal opinion, but I don’t think people need to be posting
drama online, starting fights, putting stuff out there trying to shame people. I get it,
we're in a cancel culture, but for me, this is simply just bad manners.
People should have the private conversation. If you're publicly putting something out there,
it's like you're trying the virtue signal. You're really not trying to change somebody
else's opinion because all that's going to do is make them defensive and in your mind it's just
going to make you look good. FYI, it doesn't. And, let's not forget responsibility manners.
Clean up after yourself, clean up after your family, and clean up after your pets.
So, what video to watch next? How about this one, outdated manners in etiquette,
should you be following these? Guys, in this video, I break it out. So,
some of these and the matters I covered in today's video, I think every man should follow. But,
what about some of these old school ones? What about these ones that people consider outdated?
Find out what I think in this video right here. [0:13:32] End of audio