Translator: Leonardo Silva Reviewer: David DeRuwe
Hello there.
My name is James A. MacAlister, and I am a true maverick extraordinaire.
I am also a professional hypocrite,
and I am mentally ill.
You see, it's like this:
I have this alter ego I've created, his name is Dennis Alexander,
but the crazy thing is he claims he created me!
Confused?
Yeah, me too.
Okay, let's see here:
I'm a true maverick extraordinaire, I'm a professional hypocrite,
and I'm mentally ill.
Plus, I got this alter ego issue tying it all together.
Okay, let's try this:
let's first define what I mean by "professional hypocrite."
Okay, now, a professional is somebody who gets paid for what they do,
and a hypocrite is what the ancient Greeks called their actors
because they were behaving like somebody they were not.
Therefore, a professional hypocrite is a paid actor.
Now, just to qualify that,
I've never actually been in a play, a TV show, or a movie and got paid for it.
No, when I say that I'm a professional hypocrite,
what I mean is that I've mastered the art of behaving as if I am "normal"
so I can get and keep jobs that pay;
and not just jobs, but also so I can get and keep friends and a spouse as well.
As you probably guessed by now, I am not normal.
You see, some nine years ago when I was 40,
I was diagnosed as a very high-functioning autistic.
But check this out:
when I tell people I'm autistic,
they often tell me, "Well, you're doing really well!"
"Doing really well."
You see, what they mean is I do a really good job of behaving as if I am "normal."
Hmm, interesting.
Funny thing is I wasn't putting on an act when I was telling them that.
I was just being my true natural autistic self!
You see, when I was a kid,
people would often tell me to stop acting and just be myself.
So I learned how to act like I was somebody else
so they stopped saying that.
Yeah, I'm still confused about that too.
Now, as you should guess,
playing a hypocrite your entire life is extremely stressful.
I mean, my autistic brain is not socially intelligent.
In fact, you might call me "socially retarded."
Now, the word "retarded" is not a bad word,
but a technically accurate word.
How bad humans choose to use the word to belittle others -
well, that's another story.
But here's the real story:
I am a true maverick extraordinaire.
I stand out no matter which crowd I stand apart of.
Autism has given me superpowers; I mean, check this out!
I have a genius IQ and a brain crampacked with knowledge in tons of subjects.
I tend to be hyper-aware of my surroundings
and I have the power of hyperfocus.
I'm very mechanically inclined and I'm a fantastic cook.
I'm a winemaker, and I write incredible music.
I'm producing my own full-length feature film.
I have made thousands of drawings
and technical blueprints of buildings and machines,
that I've also built.
I also have a powerful sense of logic, structure, and order
that most can't even come close to!
I have dabbled in electronics and chemistry since I was a kid.
I have architected, installed and maintained entire computer networks
and infrastructures.
I am a true maverick extraordinaire!
I have a fantastically wonderful brain!
I love my incredible autistic brain!
But I hate what normal society has done to my mind.
You see, I suffer because I'm autistic.
Now, I don't suffer from the autism,
but rather, I suffer from the way I've been treated because I'm autistic.
I mean, I love being autistic. That's not the problem.
The problem is, when I was a child, I was not mentally ill;
but I am now, because of society.
Now, some people may prefer the term "mental disorders,"
but I like to call things the way they are.
This thing is sick, it doesn't work like the way it used to anymore!
I am now mentally ill.
Oh, my goodness, did I just tell the whole world I'm mentally ill?
Am I supposed to be ashamed?
Ah!
Why?
I mean, are you ashamed when your stomach gets ill?
Anyway, I didn't make myself mentally ill; society did that.
You see, this is how it happened.
In kindergarten, I discovered there were kids
who thought their fist belonged where my nose had been.
I began to develop a healthy case of anxiety!
They also made sure I understood that I was inferior to them,
so I developed a healthy sense of low self-worth.
By high school, I had developed a healthy sense of -
a case of depression.
And at the age of 41,
a healthy brick wall called post-traumatic stress disorder ran into me.
Normal had ruined me.
I found myself imprisoned in my own basement,
playing solitaire for a few years.
I had my to-do list,
but every time I tried to do the simplest tasks that I needed to get done,
my brain would literally just shut down
and reset.
I'd find myself standing on the third step, staring upwards,
wondering how long I'd been standing there.
And I'd realized that there was a wall in my mind that I could not cross.
I didn't know a brain could do that.
I didn't understand how I got to such a horrible state of mind.
I mean, I was always a loyal friend.
I was an incredibly good hypocrite, doing my best to behave "normally."
I had outstanding skills at work and was a role-model employee.
But I can't always hide that I'm autistic.
To get a paycheck, I had to become a hypocrite.
I didn't even know that that was what I was doing.
Eventually, I just broke down from all that stress.
And here's the tragic part:
I'm not the only one.
You see, millions of us, particularly high-functioning autistics,
often end up drug addicts, alcoholics, homeless, unemployed, unfairly victimized,
and even suicidal.
In fact, we are nine times more suicidal than the average population
because of all that stress forced upon us to behave normally.
A recent study found that we have a lifespan of about 16 years less
than the average population
because of all that stress.
So, I get to die young because you don't like the way my brain functions?
It doesn't function badly or criminally.
In fact, autistics are noted for insistence on fairness
and following the rules.
And our brain function needs to change?
Well, think about this.
You've heard that autism is on the rise, right?
Well, if that's true,
then what happens when there are more autistics than there are normals?
Will you be required to behave autistically?
Alright, everybody.
Here's your first lesson on how to behave like an autistic.
I want everybody to shake their hands like this.
Come on now, everyone. You too now.
I've seen athletes shake it out, and they're cool.
Alright, so this is what's called stimming,
and it relieves stress and anxiety.
Okay, now put your hands on your laps.
This is called "quiet hand,"
but if your environment is attacking you, flickering lights, irritating sounds,
too much activity around you or conversational stress,
by not stimming, the autistic is headed for a meltdown.
You lose your autistic superpowers and become an upset emotional pile of you!
It's horrible!
Please don't force us to practice quiet hands
or other "socially acceptable" behavior.
If we need to stim, we need to stim!
Alright, everybody: lesson number two.
I want all of you to turn and look at your neighbor, right in their eyes.
Come on now, turn to your neighbor. Look right into those eyeballs.
Keep looking.
Getting uncomfortable?
Keep looking.
Feeling that anxiety building up?
Keep staring!
Too much data for you to handle?
Keep staring!
Now, imagine that stress building up into a fire in your brain
where you can't think straight.
Okay, keep staring, and answer this question:
what were you doing yesterday at 10:23 a.m.?
Oh! How many of you looked away?
Are all of you liars?
(Laughter)
Alright, you can stare back up at me now.
(Laughter)
Science has proven
you cannot tell somebody is lying to you through their eyes!
The FBI knows this! Autistics have always known this.
So please don't ever demand that we ever look you in the eye.
Got it? And anyway, it can be torture!
Alright, lesson number three.
On the count of three, I want all of you to ask me,
"How are you doing today?"
Ready? One, two, three.
Audience: How are you doing today?
Dennis Alexander: Do you really care?
If not, why do you bother asking?
I mean, every time I answer that question truthfully,
I get in trouble!
People tell me I'm just supposed to say, "Fine."
But usually, that's a lie, and lying's not polite.
Anyway, when I ask, I actually want to know.
You see, it has been found that autistics tend to be more empathetic
than "normal" humans.
We just don't do a good job of expressing it well, you know;
we're socially retarded,
kind of like how you tend to be empathetically retarded.
(Laughter)
People, here's the thing:
there are a lot of therapies and social norms out there
being thrust on autistics
that force us to behave "normally,"
and a lot of what you require is just wrong anyway,
as I have just demonstrated.
In my case, I ended up with severe anxiety, major depression,
and severe emotional trauma.
And that was without those therapies.
That was just society requiring that I behave "normally."
You cannot fake an act like that your entire life.
I tried! Your mind will break!
Listen, we are not bad or inferior
just because our thinking and behavior is different.
Our brains are just wired differently, that's all.
And think about this: that which is socially acceptable is cultural,
and cultures change all the time.
I mean, everybody has a different version of what "normal" is, right?
Well, in the autistic community,
we generally hate these behavioral requirements and therapies
because they're damaging!
But parents and teachers love these therapies.
Therapists insist on them.
But we're the ones who are made to suffer the damage?
Another point I feel I must make
is that a lot of what you perceive as autism isn't autism.
It's actually the results of the sad diet.
You know, the standard American diet,
and the way it can really screw up the way your brain functions?
You know?
So now, think about this.
Instead of feeding kids what their brains require,
you torture them to behave differently?
Really?
I don't have bad behavior because autism is not a behavior!
It's a label for a type of brain wiring that is permanent
and cannot be cured.
And you want to cure us?
How terribly offensive! Autism defines us!
We are not a disease or mental illness, stupid humans!
Sorry!
I'm getting upset, I need a break.
"Stupid humans."
I apologize for that.
We often feel like we must be from another planet.
Now, I created Mr. James A. MacAlister before I knew I was autistic,
before PTSD.
I thought I was just creating an interesting, fun and dynamic alter ego,
you know.
I didn't realize that what I was really doing was recreating myself,
rediscovering myself,
my true, native, natural, autistic self,
who I wanted to be, what I should have been.
Now, everyone, I believe, should be on a journey of self-discovery,
of self-improvement.
That's the journey I thought I was on, but I was on the wrong path.
I wasn't born on the wrong path; I was just born on a different path.
I was forced onto the wrong path, and I became the wrong person.
I became a hypocrite, and I didn't even know it.
Now, I've been recreating myself through James,
taking the best parts of him and merging them back into myself
to create one great and wonderful person.
That's the goal, at least.
It ain't easy, as you can imagine,
learning who you really are all over again.
James, by the way, is not the professional hypocrite.
I, Dennis Alexander - I am.
I was the one forced to alter my own personage, way of thinking and behaving
just to get and keep jobs, and spouse, and friends.
And James is just a desperate attempt at finding myself again.
You know what I found?
I do have amazing talents, vast knowledge in all sorts of subjects,
and I've acquired tons of skills that most people would love to have.
I am a true maverick extraordinaire,
a poly-skilled polymath, a jack-of-all-trades,
master of some.
But I can't work a job anymore,
well, with all the "normal" requirements they broke me with,
and I shouldn't.
Instead, I now look for opportunities.
You see, for us autistics, it's all about finding our niche.
For instance, Einstein, Ben Franklin, Beethoven and many others,
many other famous people,
they were either diagnosed or most likely were autistic.
They found their way.
And the sooner each of us finds our way, the better,
so that we can skip all that horrible life-sucking stress.
Unfortunately, for most of us, we never find that.
So, is autism a disability or a different ability?
I mean, is "normal" really better anyway?
Well, let's see.
Because of us, you have computers, smartphones, the Internet,
electricity, radios, and tons of movies, books and music,
and so much of your life that you take for granted,
we gave that to you.
In spite of that,
like so many of us, I now have a choice before me:
poverty or insanity.
Now, I hate poverty,
but I cannot go back to that state of mental illness.
There's a third option, though:
many companies - and their numbers are growing -
who recognize the value of neurodiversity;
companies who value the strengths found not just in autistics,
but ADHD and other different abilities.
They value the serious positive impact we can have on their bottom line.
Now, look, we've got autism, ADHD, OCD, Tourette's syndrome,
prosopagnosia, dyspraxia, dyslexia, apraxia, alexithymia -
You've all got something that we can label.
And maybe that's the problem.
I mean, labeling things for the sake of sorting,
for identifying, for understanding, is fine.
But when it's done to denigrate your fellow human -
Come on now.
It has to be recognized that nobody is normal.
You are not normal.
Everyone has disabilities of some kind, am I not right?
Every one of us is retarded in some way.
I believe that every single one of us is also mentally ill.
I mean, how can you not be, living life in this crazy world?
But everyone on this planet is also a genius.
In some thing, in some way, all of you are geniuses.
We all have amazing and diverse skills and talents, do we not?
I think we just need to learn to be ourselves.
I think we need to learn to appreciate not just what great things we have,
but also our own inabilities,
without fear.
There are some things you will never be able to do,
and that's okay!
All of you should just embrace that you are, each and every one,
a true maverick extraordinaire,
just like I am.
I am proud that I am autistic,
but autism awareness is not enough.
And don't just learn to accept us.
Learn what makes us tick, and why.
Learn to appreciate neurodiversity.
Learn to embrace neurodiversity and the synergy that it can bring.
Learn to love neurodiversity.
I think that's a great idea, a wonderful idea worth spreading,
and if we all did,
just imagine what could be around the corner.
Wow.
You know, James is not going away.
He's too much fun.
But you know,
I really like this hat.
Y'all be good now.
You hear?
(Applause)