- All right, we are back
and it's our best friends hour.
The audience is full of best friends,
(audience cheers)
and we have best friends
and very funny actresses,
Jessica St. Clair and June Diane Raphael,
(audience cheers)
and Sasheer Zamata, Nicole Byer with us,
(audience cheers)
but someone is missing
and she is laughing nervously next to me.
(laughs)
My best friend,
so please welcome the raddest woman in the whole world,
a woman who has been by my side,
this is real,
through all the good times
and the real rough times
with words I can't say on daytime TV.
A woman who taught me sports ball
is more than just people running
across grassy fields in random directions.
She's very much a fan of all things sports.
A woman who, halfway through this introduction,
started regretting that she agreed
to be a part of this episode,
but most importantly,
a woman I am super proud to call my friend,
Tricia Farrow, y'all.
(audience cheers)
(guitar riff)
Did you like your introduction?
- I loved it.
(laughs)
- She's so nervous,
- [Tricia] Excited to be here.
- I'm deriving so much joy from your awkwardness.
Oh my God.
(women laugh)
So wait, we've talked a lot about friendships today,
but there are limits to every relationship,
I haven't really found ours but, 'cause yeah.
- We're about to.
- Yeah (laughs)
Like when someone throws bacon against the wall,
in a restaurant.
So it's time to find our limits with another round of,
"I'd Do Anything For Friendship,
But I Won't Do That".
(laughs)
(audience cheers)
♪ I would do anything for friendship, ♪
♪ But I won't do that. ♪
- Oh, I like it, I liked it, man.
I'll hit this button, it's super fancy.
And as always, our super computer
will quickly calculate a complicated BFF algorithm.
Sure.
And spit out a question that places us
at the proverbial crossroads of friendship, then--
your nervous laugh, is killing me.
- [Tricia] I hate you.
(women laugh)
I really do.
- Then we each have to say which path
we'd take and defend our decision.
Let's do this, here we go.
(button beeps)
Boom.
(game show trilling)
Okay.
(bell dings)
Would you co-sign, oh,
co-sign a home loan for your best friend?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'd do that.
- You're super rich.
(laughter)
If you're asking me for money
there are bigger problems,
so, and no, absolutely not. Nope.
- It can get tricky, that can get tricky.
What do you--
- I, I feel like I am happy to give money to my friends.
- Yeah.
- I'd rather not loan them money.
- [Kelly] Me too!
Gift it.
- [June] Gift it.
- Yeah.
- 'Cause if you can't afford to lose it,
you should probably shouldn't be loaning it.
- Yeah.
(audience applauds)
- Agreed.
- Thank you!
- Okay, good answer.
- Yeah.
- Would y'all do that?
- Yes!
- I was gonna say yes.
- Yes, of course.
- You're really good with money.
- Thank you. (laughter)
- And very knowledgeable.
And we actually talked about this, on the podcast,
that we wanted to, like,
maybe buy property together and start, like,
a "best friend's house", where it's like,
(audience awws)
- 'Cause you didn't come to make friends,
you brought your friends!
- You brought your friends here.
- I love that.
- And so like,
- [Kelly] Best friends B and B.
- Yeah and just we, our podcast playing on loop.
(laughter)
- I love our-- we're forcing it.
- [Sasheer] Yeah.
- You will love this podcast.
- You have pictures of us everywhere.
- Yeah.
- [Kelly] Oh my God.
Okay. Wait, Let's do-- here's another one.
(button beeps)
Here we go.
(game show trilling)
(bell dings)
Would you let your best friend select your,
(laugh)
select your
- Whoa. That was a, emphatic (indistinct)
- Would you let your best friend select
your spouse or next spouse, no questions asked?
(audience answers)
- Absolutely not.
(women laugh)
- Yes.
- I mean maybe I should, but I just,
- You should,
(laugh)
- But no, I wouldn't do that.
- No,
- I wouldn't do that.
- No questions asked. No.
There's lots of questions.
- Yeah. There's so many que-- would you do that?
- A date?
- You've actually selected people for me to hook up with-
(laughter)
- And how has it been?
- Not great.
(laughter)
- So Imma go based on experience,
no, thank you.
(laugh)
- Y'know, sometimes
- [Kelly] You just try, you gotta try
- You seen somebody
and you think something's gonna
be nice and meaty,
and then, and then you get the the reports later.
(women laugh)
It was a little lean! Um, Let's see...
(women laugh)
- Would you allow her to do it?
- Y'know... Yes.
- [Kelly] Look at her eyes she's like, you should.
(laughter)
- Well, I think you'd find me somebody
who would treat me nicely.
- Yeah, I think so.
- Yeah
- I know you very well.
- You do.
- But I feel like I'd try to assess
what qualities would match yours.
- So why have you waited?
(Laughter)
- I'm on it.
- Wait, would y'all do that, for each other?
- You said yes right away.
- I did. Y'know,
I think we've heard a lot about arranged marriages,
but we haven't ever heard
the best friend arranging the marriage.
And I do feel like, exactly what you said,
I feel like June would pick somebody
who would treat me like a lady,
okay, but also, y'know,
you know!
Deliver the goods.
Okay, deliver those goods.
- Yeah. And I agree. I think that,
should anything happen to my marriage,
I would trust you.
- Thank you.
- I would trust you, yeah.
- Okay, good.
- Yeah, absolutely that's a yes.
- [Kelly] Okay. Okay.
Okay, so anybody in the audience
would you let your best friend,
raise of hands, pick your spouse?
See I'm with y'all.
See everybody said "Hell no".
I love you. I'll let you pick a friend,
or maybe a,
- A date. - Like you said a date!
- Yes.
- No, I won't do that either,
I did that one time and it ended poorly.
Let's keep it going here.
Here we go, button pushed.
(game show trilling)
(bell dings)
Okay, would you let your friend hang out
alone with your significant other
while you're out of town?
(Jessica Laughing)
(women laughing)
- The truth is, they don't want that.
Do you understand?
We're already too much for them.
Poor June's husband, Paul Scheer,
who's a fabulous comedian
and also really good at tech,
gets like 1600 texts from me like,
"Paul, I can't figure out my phone!"
and he's forced to answer.
- Yeah.
- Like if you marry one of us,
you marry all of us.
(laughter)
All of us.
- That's the thing, yeah.
I mean, we've also been married for so long.
You know, there's nothing about
this question that raises any concerns.
And I'm like, if you want him, like--
- Give me a night off.
- Yeah!
- [Kelly] It's like sister wives. Okay.
What about y'all would you let--
- Yeah, I mean, they already text without me,
and, also, I can tell they love me so much,
and and I'm not worried.
- One time she didn't answer her phone for an hour,
and he called me and I was in a different state completely,
And I was like, "Let's go get her!"
And I, like, put on shoes,
I don't know where I thought I was going.
But then he found her, she was just at a bar.
(laughter)
- Yeah, it was, like, after a show,
and I love going home so I didn't go home immediately,
and he was like, "Something's wrong!
Oh, where is she?"
And then, both of you spiraled pretty quickly.
- Yeah, very quickly
- [Kelly] You are loved.
- Yeah. I'm loved is, is- if I go missing,
I won't be gone for long.
- No.
So, okay, let's say I get a significant other,
(laughter)
- I was like, well.
If there was such a thing,
- I'm not gonna chance losing him to her,
so, she cannot look at him!
(laughter)
- Better watch out girl.
(laughter)
- She didn't--
- No, of course I'd leave her with,
my man, when he comes.
(laughter)
(audience applauds)
- Would, would you?
- Yeah. If there was such a thing, yeah.
- Yeah
- Sure, you would never do anything, right?
- I feel like, yeah, I-- right?
- I would hope somebody I was with
would never do anything, so.
- Yeah! That's my thing.
I have- I'm in the trust tree,
maybe I shouldn't be, but I'm in the trust tree.
- Yeah. But I would trust you, to not do that.
- Yeah. I wouldn't, yeah.
- It would be weird.
- So, okay. That's it.
Yep. Thank you ladies.
I'm sweating.
I'm somehow stressed by this and need medication.
So wait, some of us are now better friends,
and some of us are second guessing
(laughter)
while others are wondering who else we could put
as our emergency contacts.