Improvement pill here today I'm gonna show you a simple little exercise you
can challenge yourself to do the next time you're in public this is something
that I believe will help increase your levels of confidence and self-esteem
over time because this is something that I did a lot when I first started my
self-improvement journey and it definitely helped so let's jump right
into it now whenever you're sitting in public whether it's at a restaurant at
the school library on a park bench or even on public transportation you are
taking up a certain amount of space I want you to think about how you usually
settle yourself down in places like this for a second so you lay out your
belongings spread out your bags and clothes open up your body and take up a
lot of space or do you tend to keep all of your belongings closed and body
closed do you try your best to squeeze everything into as little of a space as
possible chances are if you're suffering from low levels of self esteem and
confidence that you are someone who doesn't take up much space and this can
be for a variety of reasons but the two most common mentalities that I come
across when working with many of you one on one is that you believe that you
aren't worthy that you don't have the right to take up much space or you feel
like it would be disturbing or disrespectful towards other people today
we're gonna dissect and analyze these two ways of thinking one by one and then
I'm gonna show you a simple little exercise that you can do with to help
combat these two unhealthy mentalities so number one if you believe that you
aren't worthy enough of taking up more space listen listen you have the same
rights as everyone else when it comes to public spaces let's say for example you
go to a restaurant by yourself to eat and they give you a two seat table this
entire table is your space while you're eating at this restaurant they've
literally granted you this property momentarily in return for your
hard-earned money so you absolutely have the right to take up as much of this
space as possible right nobody is gonna sit at your table nobody else
is gonna place their unfinished dish on your table because it's your space you
have the right to be there at least until you finish eating you need to
learn how to accept this fact it's become comfortable claiming your
rightful space when you are in public so what I want you to do is that next time
you're in a public space like a restaurant or a somewhat empty library I
want you to spread out your belongings put your bag and your jacket on that
empty seat next to you move your chair back lean back and open up your body
place your books and devices around you spread them out a little bit more than
you are used to this will train you to become more comfortable taking up your
rightful space now when you do this you will most likely be met with some
resistance your subconscious will say things like what are you doing this
isn't your house what gave you the right to do this what do you think you are and
it's here where you must fight back because again this is public space you
absolutely do have the right to take up a reasonable amount of space and I'm not
telling you to spread your legs Eagle wide on a crowded bus when there's
an old lady holding a baby standing next to you I'm telling you to take up more
space when there's not too many people around you when it's not an
inconvenience to others and the reason this little exercise is so critical when
it comes to your levels of confidence and your self-esteem is because this
will affect your identity and the way you view yourself it's been said that
there are three ways to change one's identity and one's beliefs hypnosis
trauma and good old repetition this exercise uses repetition to change the
way you view yourself your identity will naturally aligned itself with your
actions if you constantly take up very little space and you think to yourself
this is all I'm worth I don't have the right to take up more space then that
will become your identity you will genuinely believe that you are worth
less than other human beings in order to combat this you must do the
opposite you must force yourself to take up more space and then you must remind
yourself that you have the right to do so that you have the same rights as
everyone else and over time via repetition you will slowly start
believing it and your confidence and self-esteem will rise and that brings us
to the second mentality that you might have if you take up very little space
and that's the idea that you are afraid of disturbing or coming across as
disrespectful to others now this is actually an indicator that you might
score very high in a personality trait called agreeableness now for those of
you that aren't familiar with this trait it is actually one of the most studied
personality traits out there and it's a combination of two things number one the
extent to which you value getting along with others and number two the degree to
which you are willing to be critical of others the more agreeable you are the
more likely you are to do favors for people even if it's not good for you the
more likely you are to keep your opinions to yourself instead of sharing
them the more likely you are to be scared of confrontation or even simply
disagreeing with someone else and this is actually a trait that can be
extremely detrimental if you score very high free and if you are a man studies
have found that men who score high on agreeableness make on average $10,000
less than men who score low on agreeableness another study found that
men who are rated high on agreeableness are seen as the worst candidates for
leadership roles yes they finish dead last so instead of
thinking nice guys finish last you should be thinking super agreeable guys
finish last and there's a simple reason for that
people who are too agreeable don't stand up for themselves they let others push
them around and they never say no because they're too scared of offending
others if you score very high on this trait you will go through life doing
things that make others happy but almost never doing things for yourself and this
will actually reinforce the eye then you aren't worthy enough you'll
think that other people are worth more than you and that you should sacrifice
your own happiness for theirs now luckily for you how agreeable you are is
not a permanent set in stone trait it can be changed over time again via
repetition and I would recommend you to use the same exercise we mentioned
before every time you're out in public push yourself to physically take up more
space when you do this you might subconsciously have some thoughts like
oh my god I look like an asshole or being so rude right now and if you do
take a look around you are you in an extremely crowded area where someone
else needs that space if you are then yes you should give up that space but if
you are in a generally empty location then you are good to go spread yourself
out so what if someone thinks you look like an asshole there isn't anyone out
there at that moment that needs that space so you have every right to use it
it's public space you are in the clear the more times you do this the less
agreeable you will become and you will find it easier to stand up for yourself
over time it will become easier for you to speak your opinions have you ever had
a thought in a conversation but you were too scared to say it but then you go
home and you say to yourself wow I wish I spoke my mind
well this exercise will help with that try it out the next time you're in
public and let me know what happens because again this exercise genuinely
help me grow more confident so I hope it can do the same for you this episode is
brought to you of the help the guys at audible I know I've been stressed in the
fact that it's important to take a more space in real life but it's important to
take up more space mentally by reading about different topics as well and
audible is perfect for this I've been promoting audible for years and there's
a really good reason why it's because audible makes it significantly easier
for me to listen to audiobooks it gets rid of the hassle of having to
physically pull out a book in play is where you normally wouldn't be able
to read such as when you're working out at the gym doing your grocery shopping
or even when you're commuting to work go to www.audible.com/improvementpill
adopted throughout his life which eventually led him to find massive
amounts of success I highly recommend you to check it out besides that guys
stay tuned
you